365 days



March 27, 2007


365 days ago - my life changed forever.

March 27, 2006 - The alarm clock went off at 3:45 am. I rolled out of bed after a restless night with little sleep. My parents had spent the night - and we moved around my condo quietly as we got ready to leave. We drove to the Hospital in silence. As we turned onto Townhall road and the Hospital loomed in front of us....I spoke for the first time. "I will never give you grandchildren." From the darkness of the back seat....my father responded in a matter-of-fact, yet soothing voice......without hesitation he said "But, we've got you Ellen...that's what matters."

My father may never know how valuable that simple reassurance was to me. It was the validation I needed on that frigid Wisconsin morning. At 5:00 am, I was secured to the operating table and within a few hours.....the surgery was complete...I had a hysterectomy.

March 28, 2006 - While still attached to an IV, spinal morphine and a catheter - I checked my work messages from the phone at my bedside. I was a work-a-holic Director of Marketing for a newly opened business in downtown Milwaukee. Prior to my surgery, my Doctor had given strict instructions that I was to take a six week medical leave of absence. However, old habits die hard. I returned the most pressing calls - then, fell back to sleep.

April 3 - April 21, 2006 - I conducted several conference calls, responded to e-mails, returned phone calls and stayed connected to the day-to-day operations.

Friday April 28, 2006 - My employer told me, "It's not necessary for you to return to work....we are eliminating your position."

For the next six months I hunted for a new job. I volunteered, networked, interviewed and maintained my role on the College of Communications Alumni board for Marquette University. I did freelance work, mentored college students and attended after-hours events for marketing professionals.

As a competitive Triathlete for 20 years, it was difficult having to take the season off. However, once I was given 'clearance' by the Doctor I began my cycling training. I did several long-distance rallies. 56, 85, 100 miles. Training for these events gave me a healthy diversion (and got me back in shape) as I tried to cope with job-less-ness

As the Holidays approached, I was still unemployed - and by then... I was not alone. Several of my marketing peers had lost their jobs too. We swapped job hunting horror stories as we marveled at all the incompetent people who were working. It became a SUPPORT GROUP FOR THE EMPLOYMENT CHALLENGED......

In November, I sold my condo and by mid December I was living in Charlotte. The job hunt continued.....the change of scenery filled me with a new sense of enthusiasm and optimism. Within five weeks of landing in Charlotte, I had various job interviews and was a published freelance writer. After networking with the local chapter of the American Marketing Association, I was nominated as the President Elect.

I'm grateful for my health, I'm grateful for the love and support of my friends and family.
However, a full time job still eludes me - and it's perplexing.

I'm completely aware that a GREATER power is at work in my life. I'm very aware of this journey.....But, I reserve the right to shake my head as I am forced to contend with mediocre professionals in the work force.

I've encountered un-inspired HR personnel with limited vision. Hell, I had one Hiring manager of a Fortune 100 company, blow me off twice. I have to bite my tongue as I observe lackluster performances of Executive Directors making six figure salaries. My eyes burn as I read hundreds of articles written by 'Life Coaches', 'Career Coaches' or whatever trendy name they assign themselves.

It's my opinion that those folks are unemployed people just like me, who have decided to make a career out of telling OTHER PEOPLE how to land a job. Think about it.

The advice and information given is as diverse and subjective as the writers themselves. One Executive SWEARS that hiring managers don't have time to read the resumes, so job seekers should spend all their time on the Cover letter. While another Executive SWEARS that the Cover letter is a joke and everyone should focus on the resume.

The Career Advice is more confusing than the job hunting process itself! Good gracious.

I'm a hard working professional. I have 16 years of work experience ranging from Broadcast Journalism to Business Development and Event Planning. I've never worked an eight hour day because I typically average 10-12 hours. I'm a published writer, a professional communicator and business solution strategist. I network, connect the dots and do the research. I have advanced up the corporate ladder in two different industries.

C'mon!

Happy Anniversary!

And THEY have jobs?


March 2007


What's the old saying? - 'That which doesn't KILL us only makes us stronger'


Well, then I should be approaching Herculean status. Unfortunately, the bad luck that has plagued me for years followed me to Charlotte. Friends who have known me a long time are even shaking their heads that this stint of unemployment continues to drag on and on and on.


One fortunate thing - people have stopped giving me ADVICE! That definitely is a silver lining -Good gracious, I've heard more crazy employment suggestions from people who thought they were 'helping'.... to last me a lifetime.


As the middle of March approaches - I'm getting dangerously close to opening April without a full time job. If that's the case, April will kick-off the 11th month of unemployment.


Unemployment was a novelty in the first couple of months. It began on June 1st and I spent much of June and July lounging by the pool. I got a bit cocky that first month - because within one week of losing my job, I'd been contacted by a headhunter and during June and July I was dragged through endless interviews, psychological tests, writing samples and presentations by a Chicago based Hospital organization. And, it wasn't until after the 'meet the team' experience - that I was told they were going in "another direction."


FYI - shortly before I left Milwaukee to move to Charlotte, that headhunter called me and told me that the Chicago company never did fill that position.


I landed in Charlotte in mid December and I hit the ground running. By January 2nd, I'd had a fantastic informational interview with the local NBA team. I was certain they would beg me to join their struggling organization on the spot. But, alas - I'm still waiting for that phone call to come.


Two weeks later, I spent a couple of hours with management staff at the local NFL team. I feel so blessed that I can get inside those organizations considering they get THOUSANDS of resumes and requests. I'm proud that my previous work reputation is recognized...however I'm saddened that those high level contacts aren't translating into high level employment for me.


I've been in Charlotte three months and so far: I've been bitten by a dog (on a leash) while jogging in my neighborhood. Followed by two more dog-chasing situations, also while jogging. And, believe me - I'm not jogging with a side of beef strapped to my back. Should I stop jogging?
Or, should OWNERS PAY ATTENTION TO THEIR BEASTS????????????


I got to the final three candidates for a fund development job with the YMCA. I had to give a presentation to the 'team' that included a marketing action plan, financial spreadsheet and an event time line for a fund raising event that I created. (oh yea, did I mention the salary was a 30 thousand dollar pay cut from my previous employment?)


The hiring manager was very sweet as she told me that although the group LOVED me - they decided to promote an on-staff part-timer to the position. I thanked her for the opportunity - as I mentally prepared to see my event idea on their calendar this year.


I've had additional job interviews with two other non-profit organizations. Both meetings ended with the company representative promising to call by the end of the week. Ah, that was more than three weeks ago.


Question - why do they even give you a time-frame for the call back? I mean - there are a TON of other ways to say goodbye at the end of the interview. A strong handshake with a "thanks for stopping by" or "it was so nice meeting you Ellen" or "You'll hear from us if we CHOOSE YOU" would suffice.


There is an entire cottage industry of Career coaches and Life experts who dole out advice to the job seekers. I've decided I want to make a living educating the EMPLOYED hiring managers, executives and HR personnel. I want to tell them that it's more polite to say nothing than to give a time and a date of the call back. Seriously, it's just bad form.


Speaking of career coaches - I met a guy - who claimed to love my energy and enthusiasm. He gave me the contact info for his 'FRIEND' the 'Head Hunter'. I took the info and followed up with the so-called 'Head Hunter' the next day. Only to find out- he wasn't a 'Head Hunter' he was an 'Executive Search Expert' and he wanted to charge me $3,000 for the benefit of his 'job hunting expertise'.


Are you FREAKING KIDDING ME? I could barely stifle a laugh as I told him that I planned to "search on my own". If I had $3,000 to throw out the window, I certainly wouldn't be giving it to a guy for his job hunting expertise.


Of course, as I watch my bank account become more anorexic - I wonder if his services would've been worth the expense.


So, unemployment continues....and, I find myself wondering how I can be unemployed yet so many dim-witted hacks have jobs. C'mon - how do you explain Ryan Seacrest?


Obviously, American Idol isn't a great example of an entertainment masterpiece. But, give me a break - Ryan Seacrest has a job? For that matter, its even harder to swallow Randy ( Yo' man) Jackson and Paula (I'm out of my mind) Abdul collecting paychecks while I pray for a call back from a 20-something non-profit hiring manager.


I still believe there will be a light at the end of this never-ending tunnel. I still believe I'll land on my feet and actually collect a paycheck sometime this year. I still believe that in the near future.....some guy will get drunk enough, ask me out on a date and then remember to call me.


Hey, a girls gotta dream - right?

Stinky Celebrities



March, 2007


As a writer, I'm used to getting creative inspiration at any time and in any place. My mind is always processing 'life's-little-details' and I mentally begin to write a story as those details unfold. However, sometimes I don't need a visual stimulation to get my creative juices flowing......periodically, story ideas evolve during the most mundane moments of my daily routine......

It was the night of the Oscars. Also known as the Celebrity Superbowl. As most folks gather in groups to pay homage to the stick-thin celebrities... I was on a one-woman boycott of the whole silly production. That night, I worked out at the gym and spent a glorious evening shopping for groceries. It was virtually a solo shopping spree as the rest of the free world huddled around their televisions...to catch a glimpse of the red carpet parade.

It seems, the older I get - the more disdain I have for the frivolity of celebrity. I mean, who are they kidding? What is the difference between me and...let's say - Julia Roberts?

Sure, she's got many successful blockbuster movies on her resume, that have made her a millionaire several times over. But, let's be honest - we're about the same age, we've both dated men that were a bit questionable and we've both spent time in Marietta Georgia.

C'mon - regardless of how BIG the superstar is - they still perform typical daily acts.... just like the rest of us no-names. Regardless of how many movies he's done - George Clooney still puts his pants on one leg at a time. Hell, even Sean Connery has to take time out to take a DUMP, once in awhile. Right?

So, on Oscar night - I was determined to stick to my usual routine and not stop for one silly second to take notice of the Hollywood Hype. After I worked up a sweat and re-stocked my food supply, I jumped into the shower. I lingered as the hot water washed away all the grime of the day.

As I emerged from my steamy surroundings and reached for my favorite fragrant body lotion ....it occurred to me. I bet there are a ton of STINKY CELEBRITIES.

Think about it - celebrities are people just like us. Sure, they may have an agent and an entourage. They may go to the 'head-of-the-line' and fly first class. But, there is NO WAY that fame and fortune can eliminate BODY ODOR!

As I contemplated that notion, I began to brainstorm - Who is the stinkiest celebrity?

More importantly, what is their STENCH? Which celeb has the worst breath? Who has body odor? Furthermore....do they fart, burp or have morning breath? Once I began to put thought into this conundrum - I couldn't stop thinking about the STENCH OF CELEBRITY.

MORNING BREATH
  • Eva Longoria
  • Angelina Jolie
  • Sean P Diddy Combs
  • Vince Vaughn
  • Sarah Jessica Parker
  • Diane Sawyer
  • Prince
  • Rod Stewart
  • Tom Cruise
  • Nicolet Sheridan
  • Robert Downey Jr.
  • Tyra Banks
  • Marc Anthony
  • Renee Zellweger

SMELLY SOUNDS (ie; Burps & Farts)

  • Brett Favre (NFL quarterback - is infamous for passing GAS)
  • Drew Barrymore
  • Adam Sandler
  • Nelly Furtado
  • Teri Hatcher
  • Jessica Simpson
  • Mark Wahlberg
  • L.L. Cool Jay
  • Paula Abdul
  • Justin Timberlake
  • Jimmy Kimmel
  • Matthew McConaughey
  • Ashton Kutcher
  • Will Smith
  • Martin Lawrence
  • Kelly Clarkson

BODY ODOR (a tendency to smell RIPE without their deodorant application)

  • Jack Black
  • Owen Wilson
  • Simon Cowell
  • Gwen Stefani
  • Lindsay Lohan
  • Naomi Campbell
  • Jim Carrey
  • Danny Divito
  • Bruce Willis
  • Al Sharpton
  • Sean Penn
  • Andy Rooney (the 60 minutes guy)
  • Russell Crow
HALITOSIS (give them some mouthwash)
  • Rosie O'Donnell
  • Whoopi Goldberg
  • Victoria Beckham (aka - Posh Spice)
  • David Letterman
  • Dan Rather
  • Ellen Pompeo
  • Martha Stewart
  • Katie Couric
  • Hilary Clinton
  • Dr. Phil
  • Kelsey Grammar
  • Courtney Cox

OVERALL FUNK - (breath, body odor, sounds)

  • Paris Hilton

Celebrities are only celebrities because people in the population pay attention. If all of us would just go about our daily routine and not seek refuge in the fantasy world that Hollywood creates - each and every person listed above would be out of a job.

Wouldn't it be great if the so-called Celebrities would be forced to pay admission to view OUR DAILY LIVES? Lets give an Oscar to the Doctors and Nurses saving lives - How about a standing ovation for the Fire Fighters, Police Officers and EMT's? Better yet - lets roll out the red carpet as the Social Workers report to work each day.

Let's get some perspective.