The SECRET Society

April 2008

Until a mere four months ago - I was the Founding Czar of the

SISTERS-IN-SINGLEHOOD.

Although I've had to relinquish my supreme position in the 'Organization' since getting engaged to the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN.... I feel quite certain that my connectivity will remain constant. In my heart, I'll always be the strong, single woman that championed through years of LIFE while pole-vaulting over obstacles along the way.

I don't know about OTHER women - but, I don't feel any different just because I have a (LOVELY) ring on my finger, indicating that I'll soon MARRY the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN.

I'm still the outspoken, irreverent and slightly non-'P.C.' person that has snow-plowed through life up until meeting a wonderful man. A man, who endures my verbal diatribes that flow freely, as I tackle life, politics and day-to-day issues that get me 'worked' up. He listens patiently while frequently adding his own softer, gentler comments.

Even though I don't feel any different - it's AMAZING how everyone around me is treating me like I've crossed over into a SECRET SOCIETY. I'm curious, does a NEWSLETTER go out, when a woman gets engaged??? I mean, is there some silent signal...like a DOG WHISTLE that is sounded and everyone gathers together to WELCOME ANOTHER MEMBER to the 'wonderful-world-of-MARRIEDS' ?

The engagement ring goes on - and people that would've passed -me- by- in the past - NOW, grab my left hand and ask details about the 'wedding planning'. NO ONE cared about the details of my single life....no one asked me about how I spent my weekends, fed myself or seemed to care at ALL about how I navigated through LIFE prior to 'the rock'.

Now, folks I don't even know are congratulating me, giving me un-solicited advice and sharing details about THEIR marriage.

I've had more than a handful of people comment on my 'GLOW'.

• "Love looks good on you, you're glowing!"


• "Your skin looks lovely, you glow like a bride-to-be"
  

Hey - NEWSFLASH folks - I'm not GLOWING...I changed moisturizers about six months ago - and apparently, it's WORKING!!

Even a couple of my Alzheimer's residents have weighed in. Seriously, they can't remember the day of the week, the DECADE or what they ate for lunch....but, they actually remember that I'm getting married. One lady, who 'babbles inaudibly' 85% of the time - speaks VERY CLEARLY when she sees me and comments, "Oh, you look amazing. Your skin is so fresh, you are excited to be getting married".

The first time she did that, I was amazed and mystified. Rarely can she put a full sentence together yet alone a comprehensive thought. However - somehow MAGICALLY - my pending Nuptials have shifted molecules in her brain. I may have un-wittingly stumbled across a new Alzheimer's disease intervention - that triggers the short-term memory synapses. WEDDING PLANNING & GETTING MARRIED.

Good gracious, that is a truly potent elixir.

Another indicator that I'd 'crossed over' into the formerly elusive - SECRET SOCIETY - was when I was on the phone with my insurance agent. During the conversation I indicated my pending Nuptials. After he congratulated me with the enthusiasm and vigor that I would only use when congratulating a Nobel Peace Prize winner - he informed me that I should call him back after the 'blessed day' to make the appropriate adjustments to my SINGLE-GAL policy. He then shared the secret info. with me about how my policy rate will be cheaper once I'm MARRIED!

"Really?" I remarked. "My car insurance will be less now that I've partnered up with another auto driver, in good standing?"

He chuckled. I scratched my head as I silently wondered about all the additional FINANCIAL WINDFALLS that I may encounter - simply because I say "I DO".

Well, I didn't have to wait long because a couple of days later - I called my cell phone provider to get a status check on my contract. During that call while speaking to the helpful phone operator in Bangladesh - I mentioned I'd be having an address change shortly because I was getting married.

She vigorously congratulated me and instantly gave me 100 free extra 'anytime' minutes as a 'GIFT' from the cell phone company. I was dazzled and bewildered. I mean - why hadn't anyone given me FREE STUFF when I was terminally single and UN-EMPLOYED???? Good gracious, I couldn't even get a call back - let alone FREE MERCHANDISE a mere Year ago.

I graciously thanked her for that generous 'GIFT' and wished her a "good evening" as I attempted to hang up the phone. To which, she corrected me that it was (Tomorrow) morning where she was. An instant dose of 'modern-day -out-sourcing reality'. I had sooooooooo many Un-PC things I wanted to utter - but, held my tongue. Hell, she'd just given me 100 free 'anytime' minutes.

As the wedding date approaches at warped speed - I am left to ponder the odd irony of my situation. Although, I am convinced I am still the same person NOW that I was a mere YEAR ago...

I am constantly reminded about how much better my skin looks, how much cheaper things are and how much nicer (and nosier) everyone is when they hear you are on the Brink of being Married. If I knew all these perks came along with the position - I may have APPLIED years ago.

However, the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN is always quick to tell me that it was my Glowing personality, intelligence and sense of humor that drew him to me - when I was SINGLE!

Thank goodness he realizes that I'm still the same person - regardless of which group in society claims me as their own.