Why is it?

February, 2007


Why is it that........?

• Magazines that boast stories about 'Decorate Your House on a Budget' are barely 100 pages long and 3/4 advertisements yet cost $6. If I could afford to pay $6 for a mere 12 pages of useful info. - I wouldn't be worried about decorating on a budget!

• Men seem to be drawn to the woman in the group that holds a full-set of personal baggage? She may be; divorced, bankrupt, have kids, formerly abused and recovering from an addiction....and remarkably the men are drawn to her like moths to a flame....

• The 'Career Coaches' and employment 'experts', encourage job seekers to follow up every resume submission with a phone call while also warning job seekers to NEVER speak of salary during an interview...YET, the actual Hiring Managers have messages on their e-mails and phones that state: "Due to the overwhelming response for this position, we ask that you do not call or reply to this e-mail. We will contact you, if your skills match our needs." .....Furthermore - in nearly every interview - the hiring manager asks "What kind of salary are you looking to make?" In some instances, this question is posed at the on-set of the interview...giving the job seeker the feeling that if they don't answer in the correct 'salary range'....the interview would be over before it begins.

• Guys rarely call back when they say they will.

• The high-paid Meterologists cause state-wide panic with their 'weather predictions' - that inevitably are WRONG more than 50% of the time- yet they are still EMPLOYED. And, viewers continue to tune in, to find out the SEVEN DAY forecast.

• Carbohydrates are NIRVANA for a woman with PMS.

• The grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence.

• Paris Hilton exists. More importantly, who are the people that ask for her autograph?

• Professional athletes make millions of dollars for playing a sport found on any school playground or high school athletic field...... and people that work with developmentally disabled children, social workers and non-profit employees who fight for a 'cause' are the 'working poor'.

• Once a person is rich - they rarely pay for anything.

• Guys rarely call back when they say they will. (it was worth repeating)

Meeting Mr. T.M.I

February 2007

If you're still single in your 30s, I don't care if you're a man or woman....you've got WAR STORIES.

As a terminally single gal, nearing the end of my 30s, I've got stories from the FRONT LINE of the Relationship War. Quite frankly, I should get the Purple- Heart -of- Valor...for some of my battle scars.

Historically, women seem to get the 'crap end of the stick' when it comes to relationship faux pas. Female miscues tend to be the punchline of relationship blunders. And, sadly...I suppose we've earned those stereotypes.

I'll admit to spending countless hours chatting with gal pals as we dissected and analyzed every syllable of every sentence that a guy may have uttered....... "So, he said he'd call, but he hasn't called....however, he seemed distracted when he said it...so, maybe I should call him. Or, do you think he hasn't called because I made that comment about his friends auto-salvage business? Maybe I shouldn't have said anything....you know he's very sensitive because his mom and dad split when he was fourteen....gosh, I should probably call him, right?"

UGH! - Even I get nauseated with these types of diatribes.

Okay...Okay....women have earned their place in relationship lore.....However,

MEN HAVE ISSUES TOO!!

Men tend to have completely unrealistic expectations when it comes to females. I mean, do they really think we can wake up in the morning LOOKING like Pamela Anderson? Don't guys understand that even Pamela Anderson doesn't wake up looking like Pamela Anderson?

Newsflash - it takes a team of experts nearly half a day to, tousle her over-processed blond/black rooted hair into a sexy mess of curls. And, to apply layers of make-up just accurately so that it appears like she's not wearing any make-up at all. And, tan year round? Give me a break......

FYI - this goes for Carmen Electra and Eva Longoria too. - TEAM OF EXPERTS.

Recently, I was at a business networking event. The room was packed with professionals. Open bar, buffet, dim lighting......perfect for, 'chatting about business'. After a solid hour of working-the-room, collecting business cards and discussing issues, I sauntered over to the buffet table.

Unfortunately, the professional 'grazers' had already attacked the food spread. There were only a few carrots and a questionable dip-like substance left, when I approached. "looks like we're too late for the good food" a handsome stranger to my right commented.

I smiled at him. "However," he continued "it was probably just your standard hot-wings and mini quiche spread anyway....."

"Yea, if they had a sushi spread," I commented "they'd charge us an arm and a leg to attend"

Well, the door was open and we immediately began chatting about various sushi joints in Charlotte, followed by talk about our careers. He was a recent transplant from New York. I told him that I too was new to Charlotte by way of Milwaukee and New York. We exchanged business cards and made plans to 'do lunch' as we parted that night.

He sent me a 'nice-to-meet-you' e-mail the next day. I was beaming.....I actually believed there was a possibility that my long stint of singlehood was about to come to an end. We exchanged sassy e-mails for a couple of weeks. Then, it was LUNCH DAY.

I was running a few minutes late, and called him on his cell phone to let him know. He too, was behind schedule...so, we actually chatted on our cell phones as we drove to the lunch location. It was in that precisely seven minute conversation that I felt the 'twinge' of RED FLAG FEAR coming on.

He launched into a frantic 'fusion bomb' of words that included: his pending divorce, current separation, moving from his condo to an apartment, custody of his kids......

When he came up for air, I told him I was pulling into the parking lot of the lunch location and I sweetly said: "Okay, I'm here, (slight pause) and it'd be great if we could back-off on the divorce conversation while we're eating...I don't want it to ruin my lunch."

Any wonder why I'm still single? I have no time or energy for a guys drama.....well, at least not on the first date - more importantly - not on the DRIVE TO THE FIRST DATE.

Good lord, can't we at least save major divorce drama for the third date?

We had been seated approximately six minutes when his cell phone rang for the first time...(red flag #2) Guys, unless you are the President of the United States of America or in the Witness-protection-program.....NO CALL IS THAT IMPORTANT.

By the end of the meal, I had learned more details about my lunch companion than any one person should ever know about anyone in the first three hours of the relationship.(red flags #3-36) Hell, I'd covered the New York Jets football team for three seasons, including two-a-day pre -season workouts.....and, I didn't have as much information about them as I did about this guy.

He was officially - MR. TOO MUCH INFORMATION

He aggressively described situations and conversations he'd had with his soon-to-be former wife...followed by intimate details of what she would or wouldn't do in the bedroom, comments from his therapist, AA info. (he's a recovering alcoholic) and I think he told a story about how he had to sell his sports car for $16,000 cash -

By this point, I was numb to the white noise coming out of his mouth. However, the final straw was when the waitress brought the bill - and....................... you guessed it:

He suggested we SPLIT THE TAB!!

If I wasn't so fearful of living in a small and confined jail cell for the rest of my life - I would've strangled him with my bare hands right then and there. That act-of-kindness would've put BOTH OF US out of our misery.

As we exited the restaurant....he was babbling about the move out of his 5,200 square ,five bedroom home and he actually pulled a picture of his 'ex' out of his wallet as he commented about how "hot she was". (red flag count - too numerous to track at this point)

It was then, in the fresh Carolina air - I put up my hand in a 'PLEASE STOP TALKING' gesture.

"You know," I began...."I speak on behalf of my average-looking female sisters..All you guys who feel compelled to marry the 'HOT CHICKS' and live in your over sized houses..then you get dragged through the dirt by that 'HOT CHICK' and you get unleashed back into the world for us 'average looking ladies' to deal with. Can I just say, I'm currently unemployed, terminally single and living in a 700 square foot rented apartment.....and I've NEVER BEEN HAPPIER. Dude, you go for the HOT CHICK - you deserve what you get."

It was my time to come up for air.

He looked at me in stunned silence before he blurted, "you are my dream girl".

I shook my head as I laughed at that absurd notion. But, the moment was interrupted by his cell phone AGAIN...and he said, "It's my ex-wife, I've got to take this."

And with that, MR. TOO MUCH INFORMATION turned on his heel and walked away.

I smiled to myself - SINGLEHOOD never felt so sweet!

'dumbing down' to DATE

2007,


I've just relocated to Charlotte, North Carolina.


2006 was a long journey for me both personally and professionally and when I finally arrived in Charlotte, I felt bruised and battered. However, in no time at all, I began to decompress, relax and investigate my new surroundings. I realized very quickly, that I'd made the right decision to relocate. North Carolina is rich with culture, history and opportunity.

The energy level here is vibrant and contagious.

As a single person, it's always fun to explore the 'single-scene' of a new city. Men and women...can't we all agree?....there is something exhilarating about meeting someone from the opposite sex...when you are in a new environment.

Clearly, Las Vegas coined the phrase, "what happens here, stays here" for a reason.

I've lived in Milwaukee, New York and Charlotte (this is my second tour-of-duty here). The men I've met in those cities are as varied as their accents and appearances.

The farm-fresh lads in Milwaukee are big, strong beer-drinkers.

New York men were a mix of 'joey-bag-of- donuts' meets Kenneth Cole.

And, the gents in Charlotte are both refined and rugged.

I've compared notes with my 'sisters-in-singlehood' and based on the hours and hours of stimulating conversations, (that usually include either martini's or chocolate...and, sometimes BOTH)....... a common theme began to emerge.


During my 30s as I climbed the corporate ladder, purchased a home and finally felt 'comfortable in my own skin'....I remained terminally single. It was odd...the better I felt about myself, the more I seemed to REPEL men. I was perplexed.

After the endless conversations with my 'sisters-in-singlehood', I realized I wasn't alone. They too, were amassing wealth and possessions, yet a date for Friday night, was as elusive as Jimmy Hoffa's remains.

WHAT DO MEN WANT?

Well, we may never know the answer to that.....but, I had a recent conversation with two single and available men, that helped open the 'locker room door' of their mind. I got a disturbing peak inside.

I was out-on-the-town with a guy-pal. I've known him for a decade. We are the same age with similar childhoods and we both graduated from the same University. He's recently single and a lawyer. My legal eagle pal would be considered a 'catch' by all the dating experts.

Around midnight, we meet up with an acquaintance of the legal eagle. The acquaintance was a tall, dark and handsome professional. However, he had a cocky swagger, that registered immediately with me. He was in his mid-thirties and within a second of meeting him, I felt certain he didn't date anyone over the age of 25.

No sooner had we all said "hello" before Mr. 35 launched into a soliloquy about his risque experience the night before with two young 'ladies'.

Ah, gotta love a guy who includes menage a' Trois details in his opening remarks.

At some point, as the cocktails continued...the conversation shifted to the never-ending-mystery of DATING. Before I knew it, I WAS BEING CRITIQUED by the legal eagle and Mr. 35.

Mr. 35 acknowledged that it was "sexy"that I knew so much about sports. "However," he added, "it's very un-sexy if you know too much."

If I knew too much? I asked for clarification. "Well," he began......"I think it's cool that you know the names of the quarterbacks in the NFL but, it's just weird if you can name the colleges they played for as well."

(FYI - during this conversation I had not recited either NFL player names or college information) However.....

I was back in familiar territory. I'd had similar exchanges with various men during the TEN YEARS I worked as a sports broadcast journalist. Yes, I was a sports reporter. Primarily in professional sports. I'd worked in Milwaukee, Charlotte and New York. I'd interviewed players from Glen 'Big Dog' Robinson to Anthony Mason, Dennis Rodman and Mike Piazza. I'd talked 'game talk' with coaches like Joe Torre, Dave Cowens and Bill Parcells.

I'd been to the Metro Dome, Wrigley Field, Lambeau Field, Madison Square Garden and the Meadowlands. I'd been in locker rooms, on the field and in the press box.

Sports details, players names, scores and team information wasn't a quirky hobby I had....it was MY JOB!

While I worked in 'the business' I was very careful not to divulge too much information, primarily because most guys would ask for free game tickets once they found out about my career.

However, here it was, the year 2007 and Mr. 35 was telling me.... It was a 'turn OFF' to him if a woman (me) knew more about sports than he did. And, even worse - my legal eagle pal was agreeing with him! UGH!

I quickly pointed out to the two knuckleheads, that their view was absurd. "If I was a doctor would you tell me I couldn't have a medical conversation?"

"NO" they chirped simultaneously.

"If I was an exotic dancer," I continued "would you tell me I couldn't talk about dancing?"

"NO" they both smiled.

"So, even though I made a living in the sports industry....somehow, I'm supposed to pretend not to know anything...because I'm not supposed to know more than a MAN about sports?"

I didn't even need to hear their answer.

The details may be different, but many women have similar stories. I have a gal-pal in Texas who is an accomplished lawyer and triathlete. She's travelled the world, owns a home and is in fantastic shape. Yet, she's another 'sister-in-singlehood'.

How come a smart, secure and established man - is the CATCH OF THE CENTURY.....Yet, a woman with the exact characteristics tends to be the only person left on the island?

Well, I may never know the real answer to that question. However, I do know one thing. Thanks to higher education, better paying jobs and low interest rates.... Women are more educated, higher paid and home owners.

As long as there is enough chocolate and martini's to go around - the 'sisters-in-singlehood' will continue to congregate.

Gather around ladies - the meeting is about to begin!

Where do they meet?

February, 2007

Ah, the glorious feeling of a New Year.

Historically, I've never put much stock in New Year 'lore'. I don't make resolutions, I don't give up anything or make any GRAND changes just because the calendar hits January 1st. I'm of the school-of-thought, that we should live each day and each year to the fullest. No regrets. Do your best at all times, so that you don't have to fall to your knees in the 11th hour trying to purge your sins.

Furthermore, I don't get ' giddy' over Valentines Day or Sweetest Day. Primarily because I've been terminally single for so long, that those Hallmark Holidays don't translate into gifts for me.

They translate into even MORE reminders that I'm single. I have to suffer through the Kay Jeweler commercials with everyone else. Their slogan: "every kiss begins with K" is the WAR-CRY reminder that no one will be buying me jewelry anytime soon.

Recently, I've been reflecting on the ROUTE to RELATIONSHIPS.

Maybe it's because I just celebrated another birthday and I'm getting dangerously close to closing out my 30s. Or, maybe its because I just moved to a new city and I'm surrounded by married couples with kids. These couples are my age....and I try to envision myself in their married shoes.

The ROUTE TO RELATIONSHIPS is a long and windy road, isn't it? As I pay closer attention to the paired- off -folks in my presence, I find myself asking each couple I encounter,

"So, how did you two meet?"

And, as you'd imagine, the answers are as diverse as the couples themselves. "We met on an airplane." "We met on a blind date." "We used to work together." "We met at Church." "My brother and he went to college together." "We met in a bar." "My roommate dated him first" "He was my nephew's first grade teacher" "We met at a party." .... blah, blah, blah.

The possibilities are endless.......And, if I DARE to proclaim frustration over my INABILITY to meet a guy, then....I'm forced to endure all the kick-you-in-the-gut cliches. "Oh, Ellen...when you least expect it, you'll meet him." "Ellen, when you stop looking, that's when you'll find him."

UGH.

When I Least expect it? I stopped expecting to meet a date-able guy....YEARS AGO. So, what does that mean?

When I stop looking? Are you freaking kidding me? I stopped looking so long ago, that the only way I'll actually meet a single and available guy is if he walks up to my front door and knocks. And, even then....I may not be home to answer.

Over the course of the last five years , AKA - my relationship free zone, I've flown on planes, gone to church, bars and parties. I've worked at various jobs, been on committees, volunteered my time and met all the teachers of my nieces and nephews.

Not one of these daily -acts -of -living has resulted in a ..... .....

Match Made in Heaven, for Ellen.

And as 2007 began, I decided this would be the year I would whole-heartedly embrace my single status. No longer will I compare and contrast my 'single-ness' with the paired-off-people in my presence.

Neither status is better or worse than the other. I've decided there are pros and cons to each situation. Although, I may not have a built-in date for the weekends....... My weekends are individual adventures. Two weeks ago, I got up early and rode 40 miles on my bicycle with a cool group of riders. Last weekend, I slept in, went for a long walk and met a friend for dinner.

Although, I don't have an extra pair of hands to help me carry the groceries into the house.........I can buy whatever foods I like. I can light candles, pop in a DVD and drink a glass of wine, while I try out a new recipe I found in a magazine.

Although, there isn't a steady second income to make me feel more secure........I just sold my condo and moved across the country to follow my dream for new opportunities. I feel quite certain that my 'hunch' will be paying off shortly.

Although I don't have someone to hold my hand on a stormy night........I do have a fantastic circle of friends across the country that I can talk to on the phone for as long as I need and who will assure me when I'm feeling uncertain.

What's the old saying....The grass is always greener...... Well, I'm not quite sure about that...but, I do know that the grass on my side is green and thick and feels good under my feet.

C'mon in 2007 - I'm glad to meet you!

The Journey Continues

December, 2006

Nearly all of my memories regarding momentous occasions in my life have included my mother. Signing the 'letter of intent' to play Division One basketball,was captured on film by my mother. Getting my first radio job, included a joyous call to my mom. Break-ups, surgeries, loss of jobs, moves, Broadway musicals, high-profile interviews with legendary sports figures......the list goes on and on and on.

The unifying common denominator in all of these precious and not-so-precious memories included my mother.

Selling my condo, was no different. My mom was by my side as I shut the front door for the last time. She sat next to me at the closing and held my hand as I deposited the check the next day.

2006 was a long year for me both personally and professionally. 2006 included additional challenges for various members of my family. Most notably, my wonderful father. However, at some point, I became very conscious that something MUCH LARGER THAN ME was 'at work' in my life.

Because I was out of a job, I was able to be on hand and be a support for both my mom and dad during their challenges of 2006. I spent long hours of quality time with both of them and became increasingly aware that I should be counting my blessings for each one of those lovely moments.

Which made leaving Wisconsin such an agonizing decision. I was convinced that I'd maximised my time in Wisconsin and felt certain that more opportunities were waiting for me in North Carolina.....however, I still struggled with the decision to leave my NUMBER ONE fans - a.k.a my parents, behind.

My personal belongings were on a massive moving truck and I was planning to drive my Honda the nearly 1,000 miles by myself. I intended to do the drive in one day. I was leaving on a Monday and the moving truck was scheduled to arrive bright and early on Tuesday. So, I was hell-bent on getting there, meeting the truck and moving in to the rented apartment as fast as possible.

Monday, December 18th at 4:00 am CST, I pulled away from my parents home. Through my rear view mirror, I could see both of them in their bathrobe and slippers waving good bye. I wasn't even to the end of the driveway before the floodgates opened and I was crying like a baby.

God bless the toll booth attendants at all the stops in Chicago. Each one of them had a look of "Ma'am, are you okay?" as I handed over the money while blowing my nose with tears streaming down my face. I finally stopped crying somewhere near the Smokey Mountains.

Nearly 16 hours later - I arrived in Charlotte, North Carolina. I pulled up to the gates of the apartment complex that would now serve as my dwelling. I was a zombie as the Manager handed over the keys. Once inside, it didn't take me long to realize....My bed would be arriving the next morning, so I'd be sleeping on the floor that night and more importantly....I'd forgotten to pack a roll of toilet paper.

I'd gone to the bathroom only twice during the 16 hour journey yet drank nearly a gallon of liquids along the way. You do the math.

So, it was back into the car to find toilet paper. Thank goodness for the 24 hour Walmart. Which, normally would make me cringe rather than cheer - but, this was a desperate situation and Walmart was my toilet paper supplier. Once back at the apartment, I prepared to settle in for the night. I slept on the floor, covered only by my shower curtain.

Why did I have a shower curtain yet no blankets or toilet paper you ask? Good heavens, who knows...............I'm a single, unemployed woman who just moved across the country - cut me some slack! The next morning the movers arrived right on time. I was hoping that was a good sign of things to come.

The moving truck was by far the largest thing on wheels ever made...and, getting it into the complex was challenging enough. Getting it to my front door was impossible. So, I was told the guys would be doing a 'long haul' or, something like that. Which meant nothing to me...but, meant more work for the guys carrying my stuff. Lovely.

Other than the apartment manager and the check-out person at Walmart, I hadn't interacted with anyone in my new town yet. The truck driver introduced me to the two guys that would be doing the unloading and they seemed pleasant enough. Until only moments later, when they began bickering with one another. Although, I wasn't quite sure at first - the southern accents were throwing me off a bit.

Southern accents have a way of making everything being said sound like its in 'sing-song', you know? "Screw you", said the Southern Way, actually sounds like an endearing term. So, it took me awhile to figure out that the two guys handling my personal belongings were fighting with each other. I overlooked it as best I could as I directed them where to put the boxes.

Several hours later, it was time to bring in my prized sofa that I'd purchased in New York during my 'dot com' period of life. As the two southern movers heaved, wheezed and panted up the stairs with my sofa perched precariously on their shoulders....one muttered something like, "maybe next time you move, you should consider living on the first floor".

To which, I responded something about, "yea, I've been told that before by folks who've carried that sofa - I suppose the fact that its a Queen size sleeper sofa, doesn't help either".

Wow, I thought the SOUTH WAS GONNA RISE AGAIN....it was the first time the two southern movers stopped arguing. They stopped just long enough to PLOT MY DEATH. Apparently, they weren't thrilled that there was a bed inside that piece of furniture.

For the next few days I feverishly unpacked. I was hell-bent on getting settled in this new place as quickly as possible. My life had been so uncertain for so long, that I felt being unpacked and surrounded by my 'stuff' would give me some sense of normalcy again.

One of the reasons I chose to return to Charlotte was because I'd had professional success there once before. I'd moved to Charlotte in 1996 and worked in radio before being discovered by a station in New York. However, more importantly, I'd also made solid friendships which I'd maintained over the years.

Christmas and New Years came and went and I was surrounded by friends that made the transition easier. In addition, my mom continued to shower me with love and support during our numerous phone conversations.

January 2nd, I arrived for my appointment with the sports team. It felt FANTASTIC to be interviewing again. The meeting went well and I was energized by the process. However, using the previous six months as a guide, I know better than to hold my breath while waiting for the next-best-gig to be offered. Even though, I knew I'd be a perfect fit for their organization, I had to continue the search.

I began networking immediately and creating my professional circle in my new market.

2006 was over! As 2007 begins, I continue to believe that something amazing is waiting just over the horizon. Gosh, I've travelled nearly 1,000 miles....I certainly hope my instincts are right.

Leaving Home - a.k.a. unemployment, seventh month

December, 2006

As November came to a close and December began, my life was an absolute whirlwind of activity. Once I'd accepted the offer on my condo and we'd agreed on a closing date, everything seemed to shift into HIGH gear.

I had to decide on a Moving company, find a place to live in Charlotte, pack up all my belongings.....oh yea, and continue the job hunt (long distance). In addition, I had to jam a million other details into the already crazy schedule. Oil change, dentist appointment, doctor appointment, haircut...the list was endless.

And, although I'd been unemployed for many months....once folks heard I was leaving the state...EVERYONE WANTED TO SEE ME, one last time. I struggled to keep my composure as person after person after person wanted a 'piece' of me. I tried to understand their intentions...but, was so consumed with details of THE MOVE that it was hard for me to be gracious when additional demands were being placed on me.

If you've paid attention at all, you've undoubtedly heard that MOVING is one of LIFE'S LARGEST STRESSES.

I had the great fortune of selling my home and being unemployed while planning a cross country move. Oh yea, and being SINGLE. Good lord, I was going for the record of how many stress's one person could possibly endure simultaneously. Did I mention, I was making this move over the CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY?

If you've read any of my other stories...you'll notice a theme of how December/Christmas has notoriously been the worst time of year for me both personally and professionally. Anyone who knows me can attest to my complete DISDAIN of the Christmas season. Historically, I have been kicked in the ass so many times during the Holiday Season, I need to come up with a new term for that time of year.

Instead of Merry Christmas, I should mutter: "Merry Kick-me-in-the-ass". It would be much more appropriate.

My closest friends threw me a going away party and it was lovely. All my favorite people in one place at the same time. Several professional peers of mine came to say goodbye and it was truly heartwarming for me. Heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time.

Here I was saying goodbye to business associates who I had professionally partnered and collaborated with. Their mere presence was proof to me, that I had accomplished something in Milwaukee.... Yet, in six months (nearly seven) I hadn't been able to find work in my hometown. It was painful.

However, on a more upbeat note: the week before my going away party, I had been contacted by a professional sports team in Charlotte. They wanted to meet with me to discuss possible marketing opportunities within their organization. I was elated! I agreed and we set the meeting date for January 2nd, 2007.

Gosh, the potential for a HAPPY NEW YEAR was looming.

My condo selling so quickly and now the potential of a cool gig with a pro sports team was proof to me that I was making the right decision to move. I was hopeful that these were signs of good fortune just over the horizon.

On December 14th, the Movers arrived early in the morning. As they began loading all of my possessions onto the truck, the enormity of what I was doing finally hit me.

My condo had been my 'comforting place' after my surgery and during the hunt for a job. It was my sanctuary. Thanks to good financial management, I was still able to afford my mortgage while collecting unemployment. The condo was a reflection of my taste in design but more importantly it represented the only thing that I could control while everything else around me felt so shattered.

Now, I had sold that sanctuary and I was venturing into the complete unknown. I was leaving my family and my hometown (AGAIN) to follow career opportunities that I was certain were out there. Opportunties outside the four walls of my precious condo and opportunities outside the boundaries of Wisconsin.

As the truck pulled away and I stood in my empty condo, I said a silent prayer...asking for the strength to continue on the journey.......

And, soooooo much more was yet to come.

Unemployment-sixth month

November, 2006

On November 1st, I was a guest lecturer at Marquette University. I was 'holding court' with a group of bright eyed, bushy tailed communications students - who had all assembled to hear me speak about Broadcast Journalism and Marketing. Two industries I'd worked in successfully.

Initially, I felt like such a fraud. Here I was, giving them advice and tips on how to 'MAKE IT in the REAL WORLD and I had just begun my sixth month of unemployment. It blew my mind!

Although, as I drove away from the University that night, I actually felt rejuvenated. I had shared stories with them about what I did in the early days to 'get noticed' in the business.

I told them about my days of freelancing for ESPN Sunday Night baseball - and how I used to 'fetch' coffee for the Director and 'chauffeur' around the broadcasters, John Miller and Joe Morgan. I explained how I began working in the business at "the worlds smallest jazz music station, making $3.50 an hour, working six days a week, on-air with no benefits."

They sat before me, mesmerized. I told them, if any of this "freaks you out, then...you're pursuing the wrong business." I went on sharing..... I'd worked for three years as a sports talk-show producer...and when I'd gone to management asking for more on-air opportunities, the Program Director told me, "Not gonna happen".

The students absorbed every syllable as I continued, "So, a few days later, I gave my two weeks notice...packed up a moving truck and moved to Charlotte and within one week of arriving, I was the on-air sidekick of the number one sports talk show in the market." After a mere 13 months in Charlotte, I was offered a job at a sports station in New York. I spent five years in New York, before returning back to Milwaukee and entering the world of corporate America.

In my effort to get the students excited about working in the broadcast and marketing industries....I had actually jump-started myself. I too, had been a bright eyed and bushy tailed younger version of my current self - and I'd followed my dreams like a torpedo aiming for its mark. It was on that drive home, I began to think..... it may be time to shake-things-up.

However, the next day I had an appointment with a Cleaning Company, I'd called them the week before, looking for something...while I continued the search for the next great gig. I arrived at the location, resume in hand. I introduced myself to the lady I'd spoken to over the phone and she reviewed my resume while I filled out the one page job application.

(One page was a treat compared to the Hours of paperwork I'd filled out the week before at the Temp agency.....that never did place me anywhere. )

As I handed her the completed application she commented, "You were the Director of Marketing at So & So."

"Yes I was" I smiled

"My husband takes clients there all the time, he says it's a really nice place"

"It certainly is," I continued to smile.....

It was at this very moment - that our eyes met. I stood there and looked at her as she tried to connect the dots. It was like she was doing a Rubik's Cube in her head. I could just hear her brain trying to process.....So, you were the Director of Marketing...and, now you want to clean office buildings?

As I put my coat on, I said, "Yes, it is a lovely place.....I redesigned their website and marketing pieces....So, not only could I be your next cleaning person...keep ME in mind, if you need help with your marketing effort!"

She smiled sweetly, we shook hands and I walked to my car. Quite certain I would never hear from this woman again.

About a week later, I was sitting in my condo as I reflected back on my conversation with the cleaning lady. My thoughts drifted to the six unanswered calls I'd place to Rob (the highly inappropriate) HR guy at UPS. For six months.....I'd interviewed, answered ads, networked, done free lance work and volunteered.....yet, still was coming up empty.

What was I doing?

I had work experience at the highest of levels. I'd interviewed legendary sports figures from Michael Jordan and Dennis Rodman to Mike Piazza, Vinnie Testeverde and Bill Parcels. I'd covered games at Madison Square Garden, Yankee Stadium and Giants Stadium. There were many times I was the only woman in the locker room, yet I persevered and navigated through the male-dominated industry of sports.

In 2001, I transitioned into health care and in a brief four years, I developed an innovative music program for senior-learners that was recognized by seasoned geriatric professionals throughout the region.

And, I couldn't find work.....are you kidding me????????

Then, it came to me...it was time to RE-INVENT myself. For the first time in six months, everything became crystal clear.

Friday, November 10th, I met with my parents and told them my intentions. They responded with complete and total support - which gave me the 'green light' to follow my heart.

On Sunday November 12th, I met with a Realtor and explained my desire to put my condo on the market. He absolutely LOVED my place and said, "I would really enjoy showing your home." On Wednesday November 15th, we signed the contract and on Thursday November 16th, he showed my condo to a potential buyer. An offer was made on Saturday and I accepted that offer on Sunday November 19th. I never even had an open house.

For the first time in months....something was actually going right for a change. The rest of November was filled with details and planning...as things began to fall into place.

I was melancholy and hopeful at the same time. Melancholy, because I just couldn't believe that it had come to this. I was selling my home because I hadn't found a job. Yet, hopeful that the next phase of my life would be filled with promise and opportunities.

As November came to a close, I started sharing my news with family and friends... I was re-locating to Charlotte, North Carolina.

That was my sixth month of unemployment.

The advice 'experts'

November, 2006

Lately, I've become painstakingly aware of how many people LOVE giving advice. Whether I've asked for their opinion or not, I'm constantly bombarded with comments and suggestions from knowledgeable 'do-gooders'.

Before I lost my job, I suffered through mind-numbing remarks about how I could successfully find a BOYFRIEND. "Ellen, you're soooooo funny, how can YOU not have a boyfriend?", "Ellen have you ever tried Internet dating?" , "You know Ellen, maybe you're too picky...no one is perfect."

UGH! I began to fantasize about just dating ANYONE so that the 'relationship-know-it-alls' would back off!

One time, I was at a local bar just minding my own business. A rotund, balding gentleman sat next to me and began to share his woeful story. (while paying for at least two rounds of drinks!)

He told me that he'd been married for over 20 years, had a couple kids and that he'd gained quite a bit of weight during the marriage. "Really?" I smiled sweetly, "you look fine to me".

He proceeded to tell me, he'd lost his engineering job and taken a 30 thousand dollar pay cut to work at a car dealership and his wife had asked for a divorce.

"Note to self," I thought, "start hanging out at classier joints"

At some point, he finally asked me if I was married. To which I replied, "No." He followed up with, "Really? A nice girl like you, why not?"

"Ah, well....no one has ever asked me" I replied as I sipped my free drink.

He probed a bit further and I told him that I'd moved around a lot because of the type of work I did...and when he asked about my work, I told him I'd spent the bulk of my career as a broadcast journalist in sports radio. And, like all the men before him, who learn this news about me....he began asking me all kinds of questions about which teams I'd covered and who I had interviewed, etc, etc.

I shared a couple of my best locker room stories with him.....and, it was at this point that HE GAVE ADVICE. "Ellen, do you typically tell men what you've done for a living?"

"Well, sure...that usually comes up in conversation, why?"

"I could see it being intimidating....I mean, not for me...I think its great, but some guys may not be able to handle that you've worked in sports and know so much about sports"

I sat there, contemplating his remarks. From the beginning of time - men have had relationships with ladies whose jobs could be intimidating. Men have been known to marry female lawyers, doctors and executives.....haven't they? - yet, here was fatty-baldy- divorce- guy telling me that I shouldn't tell guys I've been a SPORTS REPORTER???????????? Are you freaking kidding me?

I've always marveled at the idea of a chick-who-knows-sports as being intimidating. I would've thought a chick who understands the need to watch the Sunday game or the need to play in rec-leagues would be desirable....how crazy was I?

I took a deep breath before responding, "Well, if I can't be honest with a guy about what I've done with nearly ten years of my life....maybe, just maybe...he's not the guy for me"

Fatty-baldy, laughed at my response then asked me for my phone number.

After I lost my Director of Marketing job, it seemed to open the floodgates for all the advice-givers. I don't understand how losing your job translates into; PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK....but, everyone seems to have suggestions about what you should do.

Ultimately, I know that people think they're being helpful. However, the longer I stayed unemployed the more difficult it was to interact with the employed population. When I would see someone or speak on the phone, after our initial greeting...without fail, the other person would follow up with, "So, have you found a job yet?"

And, if I DARED to respond "No," then the other person would typically launch into a verbal barrage of possible job opportunities for me. I heard everything from "why don't you bar tend?" to "have you thought of becoming a fireman?"

The more people tried to SOLVE my problem the more nauseated I would feel. Gosh, I actually LONGED for the days when folks would merely give me relationship advice.

I'm not exactly sure why folks have this uncontrollable urge to give un-solicited advice but, next time you find yourself opening your mouth to utter your opinion......stop and ask yourself...

WAS I ASKED?

Choosing Sides

November, 2006

The longer I searched for a job, I became increasingly more aware of the similarities that existed between job hunting and relationship hunting.

The interview process seemed like an endless string of bad 'blind dates'. Waiting by the phone hoping the perspective employer PICKED me, felt exactly like all the times I'd waited for the CUTE guy to call back. Posting my resume on-line, felt like Internet dating!

Being single AND unemployed was a constant reminder that I was now in BOTH categories that most people detest (and are afraid of). My single status had been easier to cope with because I worked 12-15 hour days......now that I wasn't working I was very aware of the absence of a 'special someone' in my life.

It's always bad enough going through a break-up or a divorce, however....when you are employed, you can at least throw yourself into your work. Your work can be your diversion.

Likewise, when you unexpectedly lose a job....your partner, spouse, relationship...can offer consolation, advice and affirmation of how great you are.

Losing your job is much like going through a divorce or break up - especially when it comes to the other PEOPLE in the equation. When I first lost my job, my friends and fellow business peers rallied around me. They were as shocked as I was and very supportive.

As the months dragged on, and I hadn't 'connected' with a new professional relationship yet....I noticed that my friends and business peers grew increasingly distant. It was almost like they didn't want to get too close to me, for fear that my bad karma may RUB OFF on them.

To be fair, I too grew distant. Once I didn't have JOB - related stories to share, it seemed to drastically reduce my ability to interact with the EMPLOYED people in my world. How often are we defined by the work that we do? Well, you really find out - when you don't do that work anymore....that's for sure.

Although I've never been divorced, in my 20s I broke up with a guy I'd dated for five years. When we split, it was only natural that our friends and acquaintances had to TAKE SIDES. Isn't that what typically happens in a break-up? Apparently, it's difficult for on-lookers to stay neutral. Inevitably, they lean towards one side or another.

Breaking up with your employer creates a similar dynamic. For self-preservation purposes, the employees left behind, have to 'side' with management. Even though it's understandable, it doesn't make it any easier. Business peers can go either way. Some will choose your side because they didn't 'like' the employer anyway. Others, will maintain contact with the employer for professional purposes thus, shutting you out.

Anyway you look at it: BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO! The best you can hope for is that when you emerge from the 'proverbial ashes' you are stronger, wiser and ready to embark on a new and fulfilling relationship.

Unemployment - Fifth month

October, 2006


I began the fifth month of unemployment in a zombie-like state of mind. The ad agency interview at the end of September, had left me in a tail spin. Actually, tail spin is putting it kindly - I had a total melt-down.

I called my parents as I drove away from the 'debacle' that resembled a job interview. And, before I could actually give them the latest update from the 'unemployment chronicles' I was sobbing uncontrollably. I pulled over, into the parking lot of a downtown Hotel, and tried to compose myself as two homeless guys sauntered over to my car, looking for a hand-out.

I stared back at them red-faced and puffy from crying and realized that I was approximately ten minutes away from having to saunter over to the parked car of strangers asking for a hand-out. UGH - I had finally hit bottom. (or so I thought)

In September, I had written a couple of press releases for a friend of mine. She was in a Development role at a local non-profit, and had asked for my 'pro bono' assistance. I created the press releases, that announced an upcoming event. In lieu of payment, my friend offered me a free pass into the $60 per plate event.

As I drove to the event on Thursday October 5th, I became painfully aware that I was officially now - WORKING FOR FOOD!

On Thursday the 12th, I had a phone interview for a high-profile radio position in New York. As I hung up the phone, I was instantly re-energized. It felt good to be speaking 'industry speak' again. Plus, the idea of moving back to New York filled me with hopeful anticipation.

One of the many 'by-products' of unemployment is that time is of the essence. Every call you make, every resume you submit, every networking meeting you have, is of HUGE importance to you. However, the 'employed people in the population' - are operating under an entirely different TIME-line. Sure, they are busy and overworked and possibly underpaid - but, they are EMPLOYED. Which translates into a painstakingly slow response rate.

When you're unemployed, waiting two hours, two days, two weeks for a call-back.... or for ANY validation....is a LIFETIME.

As a single woman with a mortgage, it was imperative that I find some income, while I wait for the next 'real job'. So, I made an appointment with a Temp agency and I answered an ad for 'Seasonal' help at UPS.

Monday, October 23rd I arrived at the Temp agency for my 9am appointment with Marcus. The office was one large open space and there were two people sitting at desks in the center. The guy, who I deduced was Marcus, was barely 25 years old. I was greeted by the other person, a young woman named LaShonda.

"I'm here for my appointment with Marcus" I smile. She pleasantly responds, "First of all, we've got some paperwork for you to fill out" - Nearly AN HOUR LATER, and I finally emerge from the 'paperwork-filling-out-area'. I walk over to their desks. Lashonda looks up and asks me to "take a seat over there", she points and I oblige.

For the next ten minutes, I listen to LaShonda and Marcus chat about how LaShonda is trying to lose weight. "Have you tried joining a gym?" Marcus inquires. I stare at them, from my seat a mere six feet away, as I wonder "they do know I can HEAR them, don't they?" I was amazed by the lack of professionalism, yet....when you are the unemployed one, your opinion doesn't really matter, does it?

Next, Marcus leads me into a classroom, where I spend the next HOUR watching regulatory videos ranging from reporting sexual harassment to properly disposing of hazardous waste. Followed by another HOUR of taking on-line computer tests. When I finally do get to meet with Marcus he tells me about a possible tele-marketing position.

Seeing the confusion on my face, he continues...."well, I see you were the Director of Marketing at your last job...so, I thought a tele-marketer position.....well, you know".

"Sure" I respond, "I've never done anything like that before, but...If they train me, I'm a quick learner....I could do it" Now it's my turn to observe the confusion on Marcus's face - as he contemplated my response. Clearly he didn't understand that the only thing tele-marketing had in common with Director of Marketing was that they both had the word MARKETING in them!!

The next day I arrive at the UPS location for the mandatory 'tour'. The appointment was for 6:15 pm, and I'd been instructed to wear comfortable shoes. I park my car, and check in at the security booth. The guard instructs me to "go around the corner, you'll see the rest of the group waiting outside".

I rounded the corner and stood amongst the others. Nearly 20 men of all ages, sizes and shapes were assembled there. After a half hour wait outside, Rob the HR guy, finally emerges from the HEATED building and instructs us to follow him inside. "Stay in a single file line", he barks.

I smirked, as I wondered if this was what it was like going off to prison. I fought back the urge to ask one of my fellow-marchers. By my quick estimation nearly ALL OF THEM looked like they'd served 'time' at one point in their lives. It was probably best for me to keep my mouth shut.

The 'tour' begins with Rob the HR guy making some highly inappropriate comments about what it was like to work for UPS. He led off by telling us about one of the "idiot supervisors" and when he sensed our reaction, he continued..."no really, the guy is a moron".

I stood there and marvelled once again, as to how I was in my FIFTH month of unemployment yet people like Lazy Marcus, Fat LaShonda and Rob (the highly inappropriate) HR guy had jobs!

At the end of the tour, Rob the HR guy asked us if we had any questions. I asked him, "when would the jobs begin?" He responded, "Well, if I haven't scared you off tonight, then you should call me back to set up a more formal interview. We'll do a background check which typically takes two weeks, and if you pass that - then, you'll be starting around Thanksgiving".

Another hand went up, "Yo man, what are you looking for in the background check?" I quickly realize my instincts were right, and that I was surrounded by a bunch of ex-cons. Rob the HR guy responds, "Well, if you've been convicted of stealing in the last 3-5 years, that would be bad. In addition, if you've been busted for drugs...you wouldn't get hired"

My eyes were as big as saucers as Rob the HR guy continues, "because if you've been busted for drugs, the last place you should be working is for a company that has cross-country trucking systems"

I giggled, but....unfortunately, no one else got that joke. Looking back, maybe it wasn't meant to be funny..........

Rob the HR guy continues to say that "felony battery" would be another reason to fail the background check. "Well, that's encouraging" I thought to myself......... As I drove away that night, I became painfully aware that I was now competing for work with a bunch of ex-cons. Was this REALLY happening?

As October ended and November began the SIX PHONE calls I placed to Rob the HR guy went unanswered.

That was the fifth month of unemployment.

In Pursuit of the 'ONE'

November, 2006


Your stomach has butterflies and you're feeling a bit queasy as you decide what to wear. Men select the perfect 'power tie' while women frantically search for the most flattering outfit.

All of this anticipation is followed by endless discussions of your past. You explain your experiences and banter about your most desirable qualities. You maintain eye contact while you attempt to appear confident yet approachable.

As you say goodbye, you silently hope to yourself that you didn't reveal too much or come across as desperate or anxious.

Is this a FIRST DATE? or a JOB INTERVIEW?

Anyone who has spent time either in the unemployment 'scene' or the single 'scene' could compare notes and find there are similarities between both places. I've spent way too much time in both 'scenes'.... sometimes simultaneously.

Currently, I'm bringing up the rear of the unemployment line in addition to my very secure spot at the end of the relationship line. It's from these positions, that I've discovered how similar the hunt for a job resembles the hunt for a relationship.

Every job interview feels like a blind date. Think about it; in both instances, we are brought together by outside forces who thought we'd be compatible. "Oh, you'd be perfect for the job" sounds eerily similar to, "Oh, you two would be perfect for each other".

In both circumstances, you go in with high expectations. And, alas....you get that sick-in-the-stomach feeling when you realize there is absolutely no match. Your mind races as you question the sanity of the person who 'set you up'.

Job hunting scenario: "I have several years of experience in marketing, public relations and broadcast journalism....how did I end up in an interview for a project manager in a sheet metal factory?"

Blind date scenario: "I'm a 6'0, athletic, Catholic, Republican....how did I end up with a 5'8, atheist, chess player who voted for Ralph Nader?"

The similarities continue.....you spend countless hours waiting for the 'call back'. All the while trying to picture yourself in the new role. After a job interview you fantasize about getting the position. You think about how you'll decorate your office and how you'll spend your new salary.

How is that fantasy different from the ones you have after the 'first date'? You start to envision yourself with that new mate. How do you look together? Where is this going? Etc, etc, etc.

You question whether you should call back first. In a dating situation, the 'call back' is tricky. Especially for women. If you 'call back' too soon, you appear needy and clingy. The Professional 'call back' is just as elusive. If you call the perspective employer back too quick, you risk being pushy and aggressive.

If and when you get the 'call back' you try painstakingly to sound cool, calm and collected as you discuss a second meeting.

The hunt for a job and a relationship is maddening. However, once you make the connection - the up-side is worth it, isn't it? Isn't that why we nearly break our necks chasing the dream?

Happy Hunting!

Unemployment- Fourth month

September, 2006

As all the employed people returned to work after the Labor Day holiday, I reflected on the thought of beginning my fourth month of unemployment. It was nearly impossible to wrap my mind around the idea.

Although unemployment wasn't exactly foreign territory for me, for some reason this stint was getting harder and harder to navigate through. I kept relying on previous experience. Hell, my radio show was cancelled in December of 2000 and I was still looking for a full-time gig when tragedy struck on September 11, 2001. I'd survived that upheaval, I certainly could bounce back again, right?

The one thing about not having to BE anywhere everyday is that you tend to just STAY IN YOUR HEAD 24-7. You become so consumed with your current situation that it's hard to take a break from it. And, it's a double-edged sword because everyone knows that the first rule of job hunting is to present a positive and upbeat attitude to all perspective employers.

Clearly the folks that write the RULES for job-hunting are gainfully employed!

Just the like authors that write all the DATING books. 'How to Marry a Millionaire in 100 days', 'How to meet the man of your dreams,' 'Understanding the female brain' -
these are OBVIOUSLY written by folks in relationships because the books would have TOTALLY different titles if the authors were actually hopelessly single and searching for love.

I haven't had a steady boyfriend in five years, I should be the one writing the books. My titles would read: 'He didn't call back? stay away from the fridge', How to be sober when meeting Mr. Right', 'Friday nights, feeling frisky and home alone'.

Now, those are some REAL self-help book titles!

Early September, I get a call from another recruiter. She had heard about my experience in program and business development and she was certain she had an opportunity for me. We spoke for approximately 20 minutes and I liked her instantly. She was smart and aggressive....my kind of lady! I couldn't wait to meet her.

I drove to her office on Wednesday September 6, 2006. After filling out the obligatory paperwork, she led me into her office, closed the door and told me about the potential job. We bantered back and forth for nearly an hour. She was confident, professional and very savvy.

On my way home, I began to picture myself in the new professional role. Although, I knew enough not to get too excited. I certainly had learned that lesson during month one and two of unemployment when I got dragged around by a potential employer, only to be told two months into the interview merry-go-round that they were "going in another direction". Now I was a student of the 'wait-and-see' method.

But, none-the-less, this new connection gave me hope that this unemployment nightmare would soon be over. Until my phone rang on Monday and the recruiter was informing me that SHE HAD LOST HER JOB! I actually began to laugh. I quickly assured her that I wasn't laughing at her, I was just giggling at the irony of the situation.

I was now in a stage of unemployment where even the people whose job it is to find you a job.......are losing THEIR jobs! Good lord, what chance did I have now? So, I wished her luck in her hunt for a new career and I hung up the phone. Once again, I was speechless.

I spent the middle of the month attending networking events, lunching with business contacts and volunteering at Marquette University (my almamater). All that paid off when I got the call from a local ad agency. Someone who knew someone who knew me had told them I had experience in health care. The agency was expanding their health care division and wanted to meet me.

September 27, I show up at the slick downtown location. I was well-rested and ready to be the answer to all their business needs. I was told I'd meet with Mr. X first and then I was to meet with Mr. Y and Mr. Z. No problem, I was ready to handle that.

Mr. X and I sit at the glossy conference table. He hands me his business card, which I tuck into the folder I had with me. He explains to me that he's a real casual guy and we should not treat this as an interview, we should treat this as a "getting-to-know-you" conversation.

I smile as I nod my acceptance. We begin. He lets me know that they have devised a five year strtegic plan and their health care division will be a large part of their growth. He then asks me to describe my experience, and I do so with enthusiasm.

Approximately 30 minutes into this "getting-to-know-you" conversation, he stops short and says, "You know Ellen, I believe in honesty and I have to tell you, I don't think this is a good fit. I think you'd be bored here and you wouldn't be challenged enough."

I'm stunned and perplexed at this point. I ask for clarification. He continues by telling me that they need someone who will be fine staying in-house and dealing with clients over the phone and handling the minutia of the mundane details. "You're used to developing the business, and I don't think we should waste anymore time here."

I realize I've lost this one. However, I say, "so, I guess I'm not meeting with Mr. Y and Mr. Z?"

"No," he assures me "there really is no point, they would only ask you the same questions that I have."

We both stand up, he escorts me to the front door and within seconds I'm standing on the sidewalk outside their building.

It was then, that I looked at his business card.

Mr. X

VP of Business Development

Lovely.

That was my fourth month of unemployment.

Unemployment - Third month

August, 2006


August 1st represented the beginning of my third month of unemployment. Or, as I affectionately call it, "The Hiatus." Although, three months wasn't exactly accurate.

I had officially stopped working on March 27, 2006. That was the day I was admitted into the hospital for a hysterectomy. And for those of you with a 'medical terminology deficit', that meant - they were taking out my uterus. The 'thing' a woman needs to have, in order to give birth.

It was bad enough I was getting close to closing out my 30's without a husband, boyfriend or love-interest. Hell, I hadn't been in a relationship since Prez. Clinton was in office. But, now I was going to have to add 'permanent infertility issues' to my pathetic relationship resume. Lovely.

Per Doctors orders, I was going to need a six week medical leave of absence. That little 'tid-bit' certainly didn't go over too well with my employer. Gosh, what a pity I had to inconvenience them with my silly life-altering female issues.

Ironically, I went into this unfortunate situation thinking that a six week absence was a small price to pay for permanent job security. Professionally, I thought this was going to bode well for me in the long run, because I was NEVER going to need maternity leave! Isn't that every employers dream scenario for their female employees?

Well, no such luck. My employer rewarded me by ELIMINATING my Director of Marketing position while I was in the fourth week of that medical leave. My lawyer told me I was fortunate that they gave me a month severance. Hmmm, not to sound ungrateful, but.....I wasn't feeling very fortunate.

June and July flew by and as August began, the novelty of not having to go to work everyday was beginning to wear off. Because I never really had time to officially 'mourn the loss' of my uterus, I was struggling with all kinds of emotions. I'd lost a portion of my female identity and now I'd lost my life-line, my Professional identity.

Now, every day was spent calling, searching, posting, investigating, networking, sending........

It was at the three month mark that I began to notice the isolation. Ironically, I'd always been the life of every party, the leader of every group and the coordinator for most events......
However, now my phone rarely rang. Hell, I couldn't even get former employers or business partners to return my calls for networking purposes.

Socially, I wasn't being invited out for drinks, dinner or....anything. True, I was becoming highly aware of my financial situation. So, to be fair - I wasn't able to maintain the social whirlwind I was caught up in a mere three months earlier. But regardless, it's always nice to be asked.....right?

I had a phone interview on the 15th of August with a Milwaukee based Fortune 100 Company. I was thrilled. I knew I could do the job, I just had to convince them I could do it. Excitement turned into despair, when I was blown off twice by the Phone Interviewer. The first interview came and went - no call. And, the two calls and two e-mails I sent to her, went unanswered. Then, nearly a week later, she called again - apologizing with a message stating, "Oh, like, I'm sorry, I had like the worst week of my LIFE last week"

"Really? You did?", I thought. "Well, don't mind me - I'm just an unemployed single woman in her 30's with a mortgage to pay and no uterus!." UGH! It was infuriating that my career future was in the hands of a 20-something Phone Interviewer who was having a bad week.

She blew me off a second time. And, when we finally connected for the actual phone interview, she practically passed out when I had the nerve to ask her a follow-up question to one of her questions. Apparently, the answer wasn't written on the cue card she was so obviously reading from.

On the 21st of August, I volunteered my time at a golf outing, in an effort to network and stay connected to the Marketing community. During the luncheon, I found out some disturbing news. I was making idle chit-chat with a meek and mousy gentleman sitting next to me. He informed me that he was an administrator of a local healthcare facility. He then proceeded to tell me that he'd just hired Tom 'So & So' to be a manager. "Really?" I said, "I used to work with Tom"

"How long did you work with him?" he asked

"Oh, about a year, " I answered. He smiled and went back to the buffet line, and I had to sit there with a plastic grin on my face without being able to tell him that we'd FIRED TOM from the company for STEALING.

Amazing, I was volunteering my time at a golf outing and 'fired Tom' was already working again.

That was my third month of unemployment.

Moving Home

October, 2001

Greetings Everyone!

Well, I made it to Milwaukee and I wanted to touch base. Thought many of you would be interested in the details of the move home. For those of you who've know me for awhile and have heard my other stories...you'll file this one under: 'The MACK -DADDY of all Ellen stories'.
However, unfortunately...with my reputation for drawing disaster, I'm sure you won't be shocked by what you are about to read. Although, I do warn you - my moving experience makes my 'root-canal-bomb-scare'-story seem like a walk in the park. Read on:

The plan was, my mom was going to fly out to New York from Milwaukee and drive my car back while I drove the 15 foot moving truck that I'd reserved. (moving on a budget). Prior to the move, I called the truck rental joint several times.....you know, this was a post 9-11 world now. And, I was just checking and re-checking to make sure the truck was still available.

I had a few sleepless nights prior to my moms arrival. This was to be her first flight after 9-11 and I was praying that my pension for bad-luck would NOT begin with my mothers flight having any problems. Mom landed safely at LaGuardia airport....so I thought we were off to a good start.

Moving Day - we were scheduled to pick up the truck at 11am. I awoke that morning and realized my home phone (land line) still had a dial tone, even though I'd cancelled the service. I attempted to call the phone company, but of course they were closed for the weekend. I realized I'd have to deal with them from Milwaukee to get them to shut off the service.

So, because the land line was still working, I used it to call the truck rental place one last time before we drove out there. It was then, that ROSE - the truck rental chick informs me that "There is no moving truck for you". She proceeded to babble about how they'd tried to call me, but apparently had the wrong number written down.

"Oh, so I guess all THREE of the phone numbers I gave to the reservation lady, didn't work?" I hissed. ROSE proceeds to calmly prattle on about how there are no trucks left because they'd donated so many of their vehicles to the recovery effort. Her calmness, which translated into sheer stupidity to me, was making my eyeballs bulge.

Not being able to match her ability to remain calm, I shout back at her, " What the hell do you mean you've got no truck? I'm scheduled to drive that truck half way across the country...today! What do YOU plan to do to rectify this situation, ROSE?"

She directed me to call the customer service number, which was CLOSED when I called. Well, my career as an investigative reporter came in handy as I plowed through the voice-mail-hell of the reservation line and was able to get through to a human being. And, no sooner had the Rental Reservation person said, "hello" than the PHONE DISCONNECTS.

Okay, so I don't have to call them from Milwaukee to cancel the service, I thought to myself.

As the line went dead, I let out the longest most vile tirade of expletives I could muster. And, believe me - five years as a hardened New Yorker, did NOT go to waste during this explosion. It was then, that I turned to look at my 72 year old mother, still dressed in her nightgown, perched on a moving box in the middle of my empty apartment. The look of horror on her face will haunt me forever.

I move over to my cell phone and after three hours of journalistic persistence I'm finally told I can get a 24 foot moving truck for the same price I was quoted for the 15 foot. Without even thinking about the size difference of the vehicle, I agreed.

Can you imagine the look of surprise on the faces of both my mother and I as we arrive at the truck Rental place and lay eyes on the freshly washed 24 foot MAMMOTH RIG that I now realize I'm about to drive 900 miles? Keeping in mind, I'm a Honda Civic owner. Hell, an SUV freaks me out. We don't have time to dwell on this turn of events, because back at the apartment, I had a bunch of friends anxiously waiting to help me move my stuff.

The actual moving of the furniture went relatively well. Well, except for the moment I went out to the truck to check on things....only to find my 36-inch television set laying SCREEN SIDE DOWN on the splintered wooden floor of the truck. It was at this moment, I broke down and wept like a kindergarten child on her first day of school. I was a wreck. And, I instantly cursed myself for providing my friends with the BEER before the truck was packed.

5:30 Sunday morning. Time to hit the road. I say goodbye to my New York apartment, and climb into the RIG as my mom gets behind the wheel of my Civic. We get on the Van Wyck expressway and off Long Island without incident. It wasn't until the Van Wyck turned into the Grande Central Parkway that I realized I was on a literal collision course to HELL.

As I'm traveling at 50 miles per hour in the middle lane, with my mother closes behind I see a bridge up ahead with a sign that reads: Clearance - 11' 7......... I'm in a RIG that has a height of 12' 6. DO THE MATH!

I slam on the breaks as I approach the bridge...the truck slow down, but, doesn't stop....and by the GRACE OF GOD....I make it under the bridge withought ripping the entire top of the RIG off. Just for future reference - Trucks are NOT ALLOWED on the Parkways of Long Island.

As the blood rushes from my body and I turn completely numb my mother is panicking behind me and has no clue what is going on. Keep in mind, its pitch black outside and New York cab drivers are FLYING past us on both sides, honking their horns. At first I thought they were angry because we were moving too slow however, I soon realize they are honking as a signal for me to GET OFF THE PARKWAY!

A yellow cab pulls up next to me and motions for me to follow him. He scoots in front of my RIG and puts his hazard lights on. We ease over to the next off-ramp and he gets out of his cab and comes up to my truck, "Where are you trying to go?"

He then proceeds to tell me that I couldn't afford the fines they give to truckers who come onto the Parkways. He was a guardian angel, as he led me with his hazards flashing, to the entrance of the Whitestone Bridge.

Again, in a post 9-11 world, we are stopped at the base of the bridge by the State Troopers who are performing the safety checks on all vehicles attempting to cross. I was still ghost-white and shaking from the near-death-Parkway fiasco as the Trooper asks me, "what are you carrying and where are you going?"

I look him square in the eye as I begin to sob, "I'm just trying to go home."

The rest of the trip was relatively painless. Actually, it was a blur. I don't think it has quite sunk in yet. I'm still exhausted from the whole experience. But, the way I look at it, my ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK will be an entire chapter in my future book!

Stay in touch - Ellen

Saying goodbye to New York

October, 2001

Hey Janet -

Well, had to run out and get some more packing tape today. I got in a conversation with two women about trying to get back to a normal life. It seems everywhere you go here, people are attempting to be normal....but, there are still a lot of long faces.

Mayor Giuliani continues to beg New Yorkers to get out and spend money, and move about freely....People really seem to be trying, but its still hard to not feel so sad, guilty, depressed and mournful. The feelings go on and on and on............

The sad stories just continue to come out day after day. And, its just so hard to handle after awhile. I'm hoping that returning to Milwaukee will be a good fresh start for me. I need a bit of sunshine these days.

Think about it, since January of 2000, I've been unemployed (twice), got sick with no health insurance followed by Major female surgery, survived the dot com implosion and lived through the worlds worst terrorist attack.

That's a HELL of a lot of crap in a mere sixteen month period. My head is near ready to explode....and I'm using all my energy to keep myself together without dwelling too much on how my life sucks right now.

Wow, I've been here five years. I can barely believe that!

I can't tell you how many people have told me they are going to miss my stories when I'm gone. The whole PR department from the Jets e-mailed me their goodbyes...telling me they'll miss my stories most of all. Apparently, the Emergency Landing story circulated through that organization too! I should submit that story to a magazine or something.......

Heading to the airport to wait patiently for Mom. It'll be good to see her. I really need a hug in the worst way! Just sooo many emotions on this end.

See you soon.
Hugs: Ellen

E-mails to my sister (from New York)

January, 2000

Hey Janet -

Thanks for the B-day cards! They brightened up my day!

The day got off to a lousy start. My car got stuck in the snow as I was heading to my doctor appointment. So, I was late getting there and although the procedure wasn't really painful, it was just really uncomfortable. Yea, having a 'probe' injected into my private girly area, is not my idea of a great way to begin your birthday!

Then, when I got back home, I accidentally locked my keys in my car and couldn't get into my apartment. Called the police and while I waited in the freezing cold for them to arrive, I helped the lady across the street get her car un-stuck from the snow. Pushed her out.....and the police finally arrived. They 'jimmied' some metal thing between the window and the frame - and whaddya know - door opened. God bless New Yorks finest!

Got my hair cut, went to a movie, stopped at a local joint for a drink and was home before midnight. Happy FREAKING b-day to me! No one even wished me a Happy Birthday today.

Oh wait - I take that back, the nurse did right before she jammed the long, cold, ugly instrument up inside of me. Nice.

So, believe me when I tell you - your cards were the highpoint of my day!

Hugs: Ellen

February, 2000

Hey Janet -

Had a rough meeting with the Doctors on Thursday. The news isn't as great as we had originally thought. Turns out, I have a fibroid tumor in my uterus the size of a small orange. Apparently, that's not good. :) They've suggested I take the medical approach to trying to shrink this thing. If it shrinks, then...supposedly it's not cancer.

To do that, I would get a shot once a month of a drug call Lupron. The downside of the drug is that it will make me go into a state of peri-menopause. You know, hot flashes, sleeplessness or whatever else goes along with menopause. Oh yea, and possible infertility. (the good news just keeps on coming)

Was great having Mom here. She spoke to the Doctors too, she can fill you in with more details. I've spoken with Mom and Dad about all this, looks like I'll be going on the drug. I couldn't carry a child right now anyway, the Doctor told me there wouldn't be enough room for the baby to grow because the tumor is taking up too much room.

bought a 1/2 gallon of ice cream - ate nearly the whole thing in one sitting - somehow that actually made me feel better.

Hugs: Ellen

December, 2000

Hey Janet -

Don't know if Mom told you, my show is being cancelled!! Good lord that sucks. But, unfortunately, that's the nature of the business. I was supposed to meet with the Program Director tonight to discuss my future, now he's pushed back the meeting until tomorrow night at 6pm. The anxiety of having to wait is a bitch!

Never a dull moment in my life.

Hugs: Ellen

December, 2000

Hey Janet -

I'll be fine. Regarding work - I can always move back to Charlotte. Worse case scenario I move back there and work for the Hornets. Best case - they just re-position me at my current station, and I get into the second year of my contract.

Hey, not so long ago, I was being diagnosed with a tumor. I survived that. I'll get through this.

You have to look at life a little more like that too. Don't sweat the small stuff! It will all work out fine.

Hugs: Ellen

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 22, 2000

Hey Janet -

So I get into work tonight only to find out that the owner of the company has decided that, in lieu of giving us all a Christmas bonus, he's giving the entire company off next week.

Translation - TONIGHT WAS OUR LAST SHOW!!!! So, after midnight tonight, my show will be a distant memory. Bitter sweet, I guess.

Glad to be getting an unexpected paid week off (next week) However, next week was to be our last week on the air. So, this feels like a weird way to go out. I'm trying to remember.....why did I go into this business?????????????????????????????

Hugs: Ellen

May, 2001

Hey Janet -

Oh my gosh!!! Had such an AMAZING day!! The Jets held a media-day mini camp at their work-out facility. We had classroom lessons most of the day, then in the afternoon they took us out on the field and put us through drills!

It was soooooooooooooooooooooo great! I got to catch punts, do some blocking and run some pass routes as a receiver. I even learned to drop- step like a QB!

Girl, you would've loved it too! It was soooooooo freaking funny to see some of the fat, out-of-shape reporters, who sit on their asses and write about the Pros, trying to do the drills! Many of them didn't even finish the mini camp, they went to the sidelines after two drills. But, I hung in to the end.........hell, I barely broke a sweat! :) It was soooooooo much fun.

The people from NFL films interviewed me. I said some fun and crazy things, then had to sign a waiver, so they could use me. Hey, who knows...maybe that will pop up on a feature at some point!

Was a GOOD DAY!

Oh yea, still unemployed.

Hugs: Ellen

Unemployment - First month

August, 2006 -

Although losing your job stinks, in every way possible, I pride myself in trying to find the 'good' in most situations. And, considering I live in frigid Wisconsin, where it's chilly 8 months of the year, losing my job in June wasn't the worst thing.

I have a great condo with a pool, so by mid-June I was already operating with a full-blown-summer-tan. I never looked so healthy! Oh yea, and I was looking for work (on the rainy days).

Actually, my unemployment period began strong, because a recruiter contacted me with a job opportunity within the first week. The opportunity was in the Chicago-land area for a national company. I was excited. Historically, I've been a professional nomad. I'm willing to up-root and move for the right opportunity.

When you're single, you can make these moves hastily. I've always thought that made me more marketable, although....I'm starting to wonder if my zest for chasing career opportunities is a direct correlation to my lack of a healthy relationship with a man.

Oh well, I'm unemployed, I can only focus on one character flaw at a time.....

So, I began the interview process with the national company. First, a phone interview with the recruiter. Followed by an extensive writing assignment and a face-to-face interview with the perspective new boss. It was during this first meeting that the harsh reality of the cruelness-of-the-employed hit me in the face.

The employed people, who stand in judgment of you, seem to have such an arrogant air, don't they? Ever notice? They strut into the meeting all self-righteous and EMPLOYED. And, even though I've often held the same titles as those who stand between me and my next career opportunity, I have to take their pompous abuse while bending over and saying, "Thank you, may I have another?" It's maddening.

So, it's month one and I'm in a face-to-face interview with the Chicago area possibility. The potential boss glides into the room, all glossy and confident. I stood to shake her hand, and no sooner had my rear-end touched the chair as I sat back down, before she blurted, "You know, if it wasn't for the recruiter being so impressed with you, I would never have agreed to meet with you. You've had several different jobs in a short amount of time, what's up with that?"

Wow, stinging words from a woman I could easily 'take' in a back-alley cat fight. I took a deep breath before uttering, "Would you like me to explain my resume and the recent career change I just went through?"

"Sure" she responded. Well, by the end of that meeting, she was dripping all over me and telling me how much she liked me and how much energy I could bring to their organization. Thank goodness I have extensive media experience. I've interviewed professional athletes from the NBA to the NFL and beyond. I'm not impressed by celebrity and I can certainly smell a line of crap when it's thrown my direction.

But, being unemployed, much like being single, makes you overlook the obvious flaws in the potential 'partner'. Be it a business partner or a love-interest.....when you're LOOKING too hard for the right connection, it always seems to elude you. So, you end up 'settling' for Mr. Right -Now, instead of Mr. Right.

I knew there were obvious flaws with this potential new company, but the need to pay my mortgage gave me incentive to carry on with the conversations. And, there were many. I had several more phone interviews with the recruiter, a two hour psychological exam and another writing assignment that took nearly six hours to complete. Nearly two months passed, and by the end of July I was invited to their offices to "meet -the -team".

I was so full of myself as I made the 53 mile drive to their location that morning. I thought I had the world in my back-pocket. I'd survived my latest unemployment stint, had a great tan and was refreshed and relaxed.

To this day, I'm still not exactly sure where it all went wrong. Suffice it to say, I could feel the momentum had shifted when I still hadn't received the 'offer' phone call nearly one week after my 'meet-the-team' visit.

And, sure enough, the recruiter called and delivered the punch-in-the-gut news. The Chicago company was going to go in "another direction".

"yea, straight to Hell" (was the voice in my head). I swallowed my pride, as I cheerfully thanked the recruiter for the opportunity, and she wished me luck as we hung up the phone.

That was the first month of unemployment.