My Observations

July, 2007

Unexplainable Occurrences, that I've observed.......

• Sally Struthers claims we can feed the poor children in foreign countries for "pennies a day" - YET - the multi-millionaire 'princesses' in Hollywood are rail-thin anorexics. (clearly they aren't using their money for food - why don't they send it to the poor kids overseas?
• Hospitals are investing billions of dollars building Gi-normous additions and wings to their facilities - YET - nearly 50 million Americans are either Un-insured or Under-insured...(who is being treated in those shiny new spaces?)
• When are "REALITY" tv show participants going to realize that the network Executives and advertisers are making billions of dollars because they've discovered that the 'real' people will work for free just to satisfy their need for 15 mins. of fame?
• The media lusts over 'know-nothings' like Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton - YET - can anyone name the last Nobel Peace Prize winner? You know, someone who has actually DONE something with their life?
• How does 'The View' stay on the air? Is anyone really watching that silly 'hen fest'?

Have YOU noticed an Unexplainable Occurence? Let me know!

Well, I know how NOT to find a job.....

July, 2007


My week began with a phone interview on Monday afternoon. The position was a PR Specialist. I'd applied back in April and I got the call for the phone interview in July.


Hmmm, 2 1/2 month turn-around....I considered THAT a minor victory, considering the 3-5 month average response rate I'd had from the majority of previous opportunities. (good gracious, it's not BRAIN SURGERY folks)


Back in my EMPLOYED days, I'd heard rumors and rumblings about how much people HATED the hiring process. HR and upper management folks would frequently LAMENT about the candidates and the ORDEAL of it all.

newsflash! - the experience isn't too pretty from THIS SIDE of the conference table either.


Monday my phone rings promptly at 2:30 and after a brief greeting from the woman who would be my BOSS - she immediately opens with: "Before we begin, I just have to make sure we're clear on the job and it's responsibilities because, quite frankly, I think you are OVER QUALIFIED."


'Lovely.... it's sooooo comforting to be put on the DEFENSE right out of the greeting,' I thought to myself.

I resisted the urge to ask her, "then why the HELL did you call me?"

Instead, I spent the next several minutes trying to 'dumb' down my 16 years of work experience in an effort to convince her I'm NOT OVER QUALIFIED for a job.........I was clearly over qualified for.

As I hung up the phone, I felt quite sure I'd never hear from MS. INTERVIEW again.

The phone debacle that barely resembled an interview, got me thinking about the previous 13 months of job hunting...........

The hunt began back in Milwaukee in June of 2006, when my position as the Director of Marketing was eliminated.

The very first interview was with a Chicago area, National Hospital network - and imagine my 'uncomfort-able-ness' when the woman interviewing me (aka - potential BOSS) shook my hand, and before my rear-end even hit the chair she muttered: "I'm only meeting with you because the head-hunter was so fond of you. I never would have called you in for an interview - with your diverse background......"

Clearly - Neither CHARM school OR the Dale Carnegie lesson of - How to Win Friends and Influence People - are requirements for hiring managers.

Having FRIENDS run interference isn't always a guarantee of 'landing-the-gig' either. I had SIX folks on the inside of a Milwaukee -based Utility company - that was hiring for a Media/Communications position.

My TEN YEARS as a broadcast journalist combined with SIX friends already employed by the organization - made me CERTAIN I'd at least get an interview. No problem, right???

The resume deadline was October 3, 2006.

Not only did I NOT GET AN INTERVIEW....... I'd sold my condo, moved to Charlotte and been settled nearly FOUR months when the Milwaukee based Utility - finally filled the position!! Adding insult to injury - the guy they hired - was a former sports broadcast journalist (just like me).

Un-FREAKING-believable.

One 'interviewer' at a Ad Agency, cut me off in the middle of the session and escorted me to the door - even though I was scheduled to meet with two other folks within the organization. His reason for the abrupt dismissal? His words; "Ellen, I think you'd be too bored and not challenged enough in this role." Adding insult to injury - A fellow college alum had referred me to the agency, because her brother was in management there....and was looking for folks with Health Care industry experience. She thought my five years in the health care industry made me a viable candidate.

Well, think again.................

I've done EXTENSIVE reading on job hunting, closing the deal and successful interviewing practices. I follow the 'TIPS' to a tee - I research each organization and I 'GOOGLE' the person I'll be meeting. I dress to impress, I bring my portfolio and ALWAYS follow up with hand written Thank you cards.

In month two - I wrote to syndicated career columnist Joan Lloyd and not only did she publish my letter, but she provided very valuable commentary on my situation. I felt hopeful.

Fast forward several months - and still unemployed, I read another fantastic syndicated column in the Business Journal - and I wrote to that North Carolina based Author. She responded immediately and even gave me quality feedback on the resume I sent to her.

In May, still dazed and confused by my 'unemployed lifestyle' - I called Deepak Chopra and spoke to him ON-AIR during his Sirius Satellite Radio broadcast.

It had finally come to that. I needed to seek out the advice of the Modern-Day Spiritual Guidance Guru himself. He's written over 40 books on health and spirituality - including the best selling: 'Seven Spiritual Laws of Success'. Who better to offer some thought and insight to my extended unemployment, than Deepak Chopra?

And, imagine my surprise when this famed intellectual suggested I WRITE ABOUT MY EXPERIENCES.......

I laughed out loud as I explained to Deepak Chopra that I'd been doing "just that." I mentioned my BLOGGING. He applauded me for my creative out-let.

I got involved with a Charlotte based Marketing Professional group - and was quickly asked to sit on their Board of Directors. I agreed, hoping that somehow I could leverage my role with the organization into high quality networking which would result in a JOB! Six months later - I'm still patiently waiting.......

I lost out on one potential job - to a girl who had formerly babysat the kids of the lady doing the hiring. Nice. Another opportunity slipped away when the non-profit decided to promote a part-timer from the 'inside'. In another instance - A gentleman who had spent 2 1/2 hours interviewing me left me a message on my machine informing me that they'd gone with a "younger guy who had already done similar work in another state."

On April 4th, I interviewed at a Law Firm. I had 'GOOGLED' the folks I'd be meeting - and was quite proud of myself as I congratulated one of the partners for an award he'd won only weeks earlier - I immediately sensed he was impressed. I was beaming.

Only to be 'slapped into reality' when the woman who would by my BOSS opened with - "With your background as a sports reporter, what makes you think you could handle marketing lawyers and a law firm?"

Back in familiar territory - on the DEFENSE with a person who had contacted me and asked me to interview for the position. Un-FREAKING-believeable.

I guess I would understand that crazy Defense-mode -interviewing -tactic.... if I had cornered her in a dark alley at gun point and forced her to bring me in for an interview....Then - MAYBE she'd have a reason to make me uncomfortable.....

By June 12th - I hadn't heard back from the Law Firm - so, I sent an e-mail to the three folks that had interviewed me - and I received an e-mail response the next day. It read:

Ellen, Thank you for your e-mail and please excuse me for not contacting you directly. We did fill the position and our new Marketing Manager started about two weeks ago. We appreciate your interest in our firm and will keep your resume on file should our needs change.

There are folks making careers out of giving job seekers advice and tips. They charge money to confused unemployed folks - claiming to be able to find them a 'dream job'. Good lord - is there such a thing?

But, more importantly - who is writing books and articles and giving advice to the EMPLOYERS? Why isn't anyone letting them know that their hiring practices and procedures are just as important. The hiring managers are extensions of the organization - why doesn't anyone pay attention to their styles and techniques?

Call me crazy.......

(it wouldn't be the first time I heard that)

Do I HAVE to share?

July, 2007

I met the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN on Friday March 16th 2007.

That was the day I wondered into a local drinking establishment at 3:30 in the afternoon. Earlier that day, I'd received my THIRD REJECTION notice of the week. I'd been in Charlotte nearly three months, at that time, and I was still no closer to finding a job.

It was gloomy and rainy on Friday March 16th, 2007. Which matched my mood perfectly. I'd received a REJECTION phone message that week, followed by a REJECTION E-mail and on Friday March 16th, I received a REJECTION letter in the mail from Wisconsin.

The letter thanked me for taking time to interview with their organization however they were 'going with another more qualified candidate'.

Let's Re-cap - - I applied for that job in October of 2006 and I received the rejection in March of 2007. Five Months?? Are you freaking kidding me? AND - to add insult to injury -

I NEVER HAD AN INTERVIEW!!

So, thanking me for taking time to interview for a job I NEVER did get an interview for- nearly made my head IMPLODE!

I couldn't get to a BAR fast enough. UGH!

The SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN wandered in sometime between my second and third drink. The bar manager was a gal-pal of mine and she introduced us. She'd known the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN for years.

I remember thinking later - that I had verbally assaulted him most of the evening. I was filled with so much anger, venom and frustration - and I remember letting it.....ALL HANG OUT. Meanwhile, I was dressed all in black, with no make up and had been crying most of the morning. So, I CERTAINLY wasn't the most lovely girl in the joint.

Ironically, He claims to remember that night very differently. He says I didn't verbally assault him and that I looked LOVELY.

God bless his southern charm - because I KNOW I looked like a haggard, unemployed mess. But, none-the-less - he was brave enough to chat with me - and we've been CHATTING and LAUGHING ever since.

Although it's only been four months - it seems like much longer - in large part because I'm NOT working and have had a lot of time to get to know him. We have shared many getting-to-know-you experiences in a short amount of time.

As a TERMINALLY SINGLE lady - I hadn't SHARED anything with a man in many many many years. I hadn't shared my time, my thoughts my fears or ANYTHING in...... forever.

Early on, I struggled to fit the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN into my life. Hell, I'm still working on it.....Although, I think I'm getting better.

I'm used to coming, going and doing as I please. I can eat eggs for dinner and pizza for breakfast if I want. I can perform all my Secret Single Gal behavior without an audience or without having to explain what I'm doing.

Being single is GLORIOUS!

Until you meet someone who shatters all those perceptions. The SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN has infiltrated my SINGLE world.

The most notable and clear cut example of how he's RATTLED my world - has been the idea of having to SHARE 'stuff ' with him. Not just thoughts and ideas but....actual STUFF.

I'm the youngest of FIVE children in my family - and the closest sibling in age is eleven years older. I was virtually raised as an only child - and never had to worry too much about SHARING. I played with my toys watched whatever I wanted on TV and ate my own food.

Unfortunately, at the ripe old age of..... 'my late 30's' - I probably still harbor most, if not all, of those child-like tendencies. And, the only reason I KNOW this - is because now that the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN is in my life - Its a bit more OBVIOUS how SHARING is a...tight-rope challenge for me.

Nowhere is this more apparent than in the FOOD department. I've noticed, as the comfort level between us grows, so does his comfort of taking food OFF MY PLATE.

Ah, HELLO?

Anything I grab out of the fridge quickly becomes COMMUNAL property. Is that how this whole - 'Being in a couple' thing works? What's mine is yours and what's yours is mine?

UGH - I did NOT sign up for that.

I'm of the school of thought- Let's keep our HANDS and our FOOD to ourselves unless something is offered to you.

Recently, I'd had a CRAPPY day at a Temp job and he met me after work - and I offered to buy him dinner at a place nearby. No sooner had the waitress taken our drink order when he announced that he's "Not very hungry." To which I respond, "Well, that would've been nice to know before we picked the place, drove here and were SEATED..... darling."

I was famished and proceeded to order an appetizer and a hearty pasta meal. Well, Mr. NOT-SO-HUNGRY ate nearly the entire Artichoke dip and within 15 seconds of my pasta being placed on the table - he reached over with his fork and was diving into the dish.

I was doing MENTAL gymnastics as I tried to figure out how I could politely chop his hand off without getting blood in my pasta!!!!

I adore the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN - he's wonderful, kind, smart and handsome. I'm very very lucky to have him in my life - BUT - does that mean I have to share food with him until the END OF TIME??? Someone- please explain.

I carried these thoughts around with me - slowly simmering inside every time his lips wrapped around something on my plate. I felt inner turmoil and a bit of shame as I tried to wrestle with my selfishness. I quietly YEARNED for the days when I could eat, nibble and consume food products all by myself!

Until I discovered I was not alone! I innocently stumbled upon another couple that shared a similar quandary of - FOOD ENVY.

My SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN and I had travelled to visit my best friend and her husband. They've been together a long time and have two lovely children. She and I are very similar in many ways. Strong, opinionated and fiercely independent.

It had been hard to watch her walk down the isle nearly four years ago. But, the good news is - she didn't turn into a SHELL of her former self. She's remained the strong, opinionated and fiercely independent gal I love.

So, imagine my surprise when I found out that SHE and my SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN shared a common attribute. They both love to STEAL FOOD OFF THE PLATES OF THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHER.

My gal-pal and her husband provided intricate details of their FOOD ENVY.

SHE was the one in the relationship that reached for his plate, grabbed his food, sipped his drinks, nibbled his treats......I was ASTONISHED. And, secretly pleased that I was not alone in my battle to keep custody of MY FOOD.

Her husband and I boisterously plead our cases while our loved ones shouted names at us like Selfish and Greedy.

Selfish and Greedy? Is that what you call wanting to eat the food that's on my plate?

I'm not standing in front of the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN gobbling up a Thanksgiving Feast while he sits behind bars on Death Row - starving away with no hope in the universe for sustenance.

Now, THAT would be a bit selfish.

I'm not sure how this - 'BEING IN A COUPLE' - thing is going to work out...however, I will say this - since the FOOD ENVY conversation with our friends - I've been able to enjoy what's on my plate peacefully without a foreign fork or hand obstructing my path from plate to mouth.

Now, THAT'S GLORIOUS!!!