Temporary Employment

June, 2007

This month marked a couple of significant anniversaries in my life. June 1 was the official ONE YEAR anniversary of my unemployment 'stint'. And, I use the word 'stint' extremely lightly. It was still a 'stint' after three months, however since I reached the six, ten and twelve month marks...I actually crossed over into a new category.

I'm now living an - Unemployment 'Lifestyle'

And, believe me - it is on the other end of the spectrum from the Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous. Robin Leach will certainly not be doing a feature on me anytime soon. Hell, I'm about ten minutes away from contacting Dr. Phil for some MUCH NEEDED therapy.

June 18th was my SIX MONTH anniversary of my move to Charlotte. I landed here filled with hope and anticipation of wonderful employment opportunities that were awaiting me. Unfortunately, there are approximately 4,000 other folks that flock to Charlotte monthly in search of the same opportunities. The Chamber of Commerce boasts the Cities growth and brags about all the professional perks of this thriving area.

I'm still convinced I made the right move however, as the days, weeks and months drag on... it grows more difficult to keep a positive outlook. One good thing - people have stopped giving me employment advice. Now I just get folks shaking their heads, while they secretly pray that they never end up in the unemployment line alongside me.

Lately, I've either met or heard stories about fellow Employment Challenged individuals. Ironically, many of those folks are former media, public relations and marketing professionals, like myself. Although it's somewhat comforting knowing I'm not alone on this crazy journey...it saddens me that we've got eerily similar war-stories to share.

Makes me wonder if I should just be content to find ANY job - instead of trying to pursue positions that my professional background and skills are suited for.

Since April, I've been getting a steady stream of Temp jobs. And although I'm grateful for a reason to get up in the morning...working in various locations and observing the work-habits of the FULL - TIME employed people makes me crazy!

As a 'Temp' you get an inside peak into the work styles and habits of the gainfully employed. I've had to suppress my comments while observing the actual employees doing ANYTHING but work. Good gracious - my head nearly exploded at one temp job - when an early '30-something-free-spirit' found the most amazing ways to AVOID work.

I was working as a receptionist - and was on the receiving end of the phone when she called in (nearly daily) with various reasons for why she WASN'T AT WORK. Her excuses included all the basics - Doctor Appointments, Sick Dog, Waiting for the Plumber - blah, blah, blah.

But, the culmination of her work-related avoidance came when on one particular day - she called in near 10:00 am. (Her work day is supposed to begin at 8:30am)

And, after I cheerfully spouted the Standard-Company-Greeting - Ms. NON-WORKER launched into her diatribe about why she was going to be 'late'. I was mystified by the intricate detail in which she delivered this excuse...clearly she'd put a lot of thought and effort into this story - "Hell," - I thought to myself as she babbled - "wouldn't it be a TREAT if she put this much thought and effort into actually DOING HER JOB?"

Call me crazy!

She said she'd been in the car - on the way to work - when she spotted a stray dog - she picked it up, took it back to her house and gave it a bowl of water. And, when the thirsty dog lapped up all the water - she had to re-fill the bowl.......

My mind wandered somewhere around that point...... I just couldn't get past the thought of actually being on the receiving end of this crappy story....and, again - I shuddered at the idea that I was the UNEMPLOYED one!!!

Little Ms. NON-WORKER finally strode into the office around 11:00 am - and after she spent nearly half an hour drinking coffee and chatting-it-up with co-workers - she took her hour lunch break at 12:30 - and checked out of the office by 4:00pm.

By my TEMP worker calculations - the company got NEARLY three hours of work out of her that day. Lovely.

Meanwhile - My hunt for a FULL TIME job continues.

Life is a Mystery.

Travel Plans

May, 2007


Although the search for a full time, good paying, professional job continues......I was voted in as President of the Charlotte Chapter of the American Marketing Association. In a mere four months of landing here - a group of my marketing peers voted me to lead their association - yet, a full time, PAYING job eludes me. Curious...and maddening!

I'd like to believe they elected me because they were mesmerized by my energy, creativity, leadership and value - however...it could be that because I'm new to the area - they smelled a 'sucker' and piled the position onto me, cuz no one else wanted the hassle. Hmmmmmm, who knows.

One perk that came with this new appointment was an all-expense paid trip to the National Leadership Summit in Chicago, IL. Chapter leaders from all over the country were gathering in Chicago for round table discussions, meetings and networking. I seized the opportunity of a free trip that would be RIPE with networking opportunities. Maybe I'd meet my future employer!! In my mind, this was a 36 hour job interview - I was jazzed.

The itinerary had me leaving Charlotte on Friday morning at 7:40. Yikes!! With all the crazy-airport rules, regulations, plastic bags of liquids, luggage restrictions, etc. etc. etc. I was sure I needed to be there at least by 6:30. Which meant my alarm would be going off at a time of day - typically reserved for me to stumble into bed - not climb out of it!!!

After a measly three hours of sleep, I drove through the darkness to the Charlotte airport and parked in the Remote Parking Lot. (3 bucks per day - what a deal!) I stood in the glass shelter with a few other early risers as we waited for the Shuttle bus to arrive. Standing in a finger-smudged, stained and sticky shelter before sunrise with a group of strangers is a unique experience. It's a bit different than the 'riding-in-the-elevator' adventure.

In the elevator, you do your best to avert your eyes and pretend to have something very deep and powerful on your mind, so that no one will talk to you. In addition, everyone has the built-in eye- averting opportunity to look up as they watch the floor numbers rise. Folks in an elevator stare so intently at the rising numbers...you'd think a winning lottery ticket was about to be ejected from the control panel. Ever notice that?

So, at the airport in the darkness of pre-dawn, huddled in this pseudo-clear box I looked around at my fellow travelers. A statuesque older woman dressed in a business suit, a non-descript woman with a large suitcase, a tall- balding - nervous - man wearing a crisp striped shirt and jeans and a 20-something scruffy girl wearing wrinkled clothes and flip-flops. (Standard issue footwear for the Millennial generation) The group was silent.

Well, silent until the rumpled 20-something began yawning. And, it wasn't the dainty yawn that she covered with her hand. Oh no - it was the HUGE MOUTH..LOUD-NOISE-TYPE of yawn that cut through the chilled morning air like a sharp razor. By the fifth one of those - I was ready to knock her down and rip her flip flops off her nasty feet.

Before I could devise my game-plan.... an even LOUDER threesome of overly tanned and overly processed ladies came waddling through the parking lot - heading straight towards our sovereign shelter. Thankfully, the shuttle came before their high-pitched squealing got too intense and I would've been forced to 'mess up' their perfectly 'quaffed' hair.

Clearly, as an obvious NON-MORNING person, I shouldn't be allowed to circulate amongst the population until well past 10 am.

The direct flight from Charlotte to Chicago was surprisingly uneventful. Well, except for the business executive sitting in front of me, who slammed his seat back into the recline position with such force.....my knees nearly bled. At six foot tall - with a 36 inch in-seam.... the aggressive reclining traveler..... is my worst enemy!!

The weekend was a whirlwind of marketing professionals, buzz words and hand-shakes. My head was spinning with information and creative ideas as I took the shuttle bus to O'Hare airport for my return trip. My flight was leaving at 4:30 pm and the airport was PACKED with people. Fellow travelers of every shape, size, gender and nationality were accounted for.

As I arrived at my gate, the first person I laid eyes on was an older gentleman, relaxing on the edge of the blue pleather airport chair, calmly tweezing his chin hairs. His silver-plated tweezers catching the afternoon sun. I did a double-take..and once my eyes re-focused, I realized I had seen correctly the first time.

I glanced around to see if anyone else was 'grossed out' by the inappropriate 'bathroom behavior'. However, no one seemed to be phased by his 'out-in-the-open -hygiene- faux-paus'.

Regardless, I made sure to get full-on-eye contact with him, as I contorted my face into an obvious sign of displeasure. Non-pulsed - he plucked away for another half hour and only stopped long enough to board a plane heading towards Topeka. Well, he was the state of Kansas' problem now....... lovely.

No sooner had Mr. Chin-hair boarded his plane when I turned my attention to a well dressed older couple carrying the worlds smallest... yet, hairiest dog. The lady held the pooch with one hand and tucked it neatly under her armpit while her male companion had ... the gold-chain-linked-handled Gucci dog-carrying-bag flung over his shoulder. UGH!

When did bringing a pet on board become legal? And, where does it end? Next, will we share Coach Class with rabbits, lizards and....CATS?

They threw out my 4.75 ml bottle of Cucumber Melon Body Spray - for fear of a liquid terrorist attack - yet - Mr. and Mrs. Dog Breath can bring their mutt on board? What's up with that? Believe me - There is a MUCH greater chance of Fido ruining the flight for everyone on board rather than me bringing down the plane with Cucumber Melon Body Spray. Let's get some perspective, shall we?

I traveled quite a bit recently and have come to some valuable conclusions:

Airport bathrooms are germ-infested disease factories regardless of how clean they appear. The airports in Atlanta and Cincinnati have some of the healthiest food selections. Folks in First Class continue to have an inflated sense of self. And the pilot that captained our flight from Atlanta to Charlotte should be doing stand-up-comedy. He was hilarious.

More importantly - It feels good to be HOME in Charlotte. As I approach the five month anniversary of my move to this City.....I realize more each day, that I made the right decision to relocate here.

HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS.

Deal Breakers

May, 2007

As the self-proclaimed President of the Sisters-in-Singlehood world-wide sorority.....I have spent the bulk of my adult years successfully eluding healthy relationships with men. Oh sure, I've dabbled in the dating scene.....but, with no gold-medal-winning outcomes.

I even had a five-year stint with a certain 'mr. wonderful' who turned out to be ANYTHING but wonderful. I closed out my 20s and began my 30s with an array of 'rebounders' that all shared the.... oh-so-seductive commitment-phobic gene.

Somewhere along the way I decided that I too would do my best to avoid anything serious. For the first time - I became very successful in relationships. The NON-EXISTENT kind. Once I became committed to NOT BEING committed - I was very very good at it. And, the 'Dating-Well' just dried up.

However, it was during this dating-desert that I had the greatest epiphany about myself and what I was willing to tolerate in a love-interest with the opposite sex. After much self-reflection and conversations with various gal-pals over martini's and on the phone....my DATING DEALBREAKERS began to take form.

DATING DEALBREAKERS are those things that you just can't get past. Things that will put a screeching halt to any further investigation of the potential 'mate'. Admittedly, not all of my DEALBREAKERS have been completely well thought out. I've received negative reviews from some of my 'SISTERS' along the way who did not agree with my reasoning for dissolving certain relationships.

The most memorable was the Tank-Top incident of 2004. I'd been dating the 'older guy' for a couple of months. This dating stint with him was the second go-around. Initially, I'd met him back in 2002...however, he'd lied to me about his 'availability' factor. That year, he neglected to mention that his divorce wasn't final and he was actually still living with his soon-to-be Ex. .........In 2002 - THAT was the DEALBREAKER!

Fast forward to 2004, I re-met him during the summer at an outdoor music-in-the-park event. After the obligatory level of 'bitchiness' was bestowed on him, I began to soften up a bit. Hell, it was two years later, he was fully divorced, I was still single....and he LOOKED GOOD!! So, we tried the dating-thing again.

Although he was 14 years my senior...he had this odd sense of immaturity about him that grated on my nerves immediately. It was the sexual-innuendos and the sneaky comments that made my skin crawl. In my opinion, there comes a certain time in life when the 'FRAT-BOY' mentality needs to be placed on the back shelf of a very deep and dark closet - never to be released again in public. Am I right ladies????

However, that wasn't the actual DEALBREAKER..... It happened on a hot summer night in Milwuakee. I had invited the 'older guy' to meet up with me and my friends at an after-work Happy Hour.

I was standing on the outdoor deck with my back to the door chatting with my gal pal when she averted her eyes then quickly gazed back at me and grabbed me by the arms.

(Later, she would describe the scene...OFTEN...and insist that she didn't have a problem with the 'older guys' outfit...but, knowing me as she did - she knew it was her duty to prepare me for the picture).

"What?" I squealed as she pinched my arms in an effort to immobilize me.

"Ellen, don't turn around"

"Why?" I demanded.....

"older guy," (she actually used his real name) "just walked in," she hissed

"What's wrong, is he with another woman?" with my dating past, that was the first scenario that came to mind.

"No," she smiled..."but, you're not going to like it...that's for sure"

And, she was right - I turned around and caught sight of my 50 year old boyfriend, with a big grin on his face, making his way through the crowd of button-down professionals........wearing a green TANK TOP!!

And, the question has been asked MANY TIMES when this story has been told - NO, it was not a 'Wife-beater tank top'. But, none-the-less....a non-tan man of 50, who hadn't seen the inside of a gym in awhile..... should NEVER wear a TANK TOP to an after-work Happy Hour.

Hell, let's just be clear - he shouldn't even wear a tank top to the gym...until he's sufficiently sculpted his biceps.

That was the end of the 'older guy.'

I've had many-a-lady scold me for the TANK TOP incident because they insisted that "you can always change a mans wardrobe." And, that may or may not be true - but, back in 2004 the green TANK TOP was my DEALBREAKER.

Now? Well, it's amazing what you'll put up with when you meet a solid guy. Since landing in Charlotte North Carolina I've been tested time and time again. As I've mentioned before, this region is a plethora of southern charm meets rugged man. The men I've encountered have made me re-evaluate my threshold for commitment.

Gun collections, southern drawls, hunting, fishing, bear skin rugs and big trucks were foreign concepts and objects to me a mere five months ago. Yet, having doors opened, proper manners and southern hospitality bestowed upon you......makes the line for the DEALBREAKERS a bit blurry.

Not-to-worry...I'm still President of the Sisters-in-Singlehood world-wide sorority....however...I may be re-evaluating the DEALBREAKER guidebook.

Baby-talk Guidelines

April, 2007

Did I miss the memo?

When did small children become the CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE?

What happened to the days of children being SEEN and NOT HEARD?

As a member of Generation 'X' - I was reared by hardworking parents that ruled with strait-shooting, honest and sometimes.....tough - love.

I got grounded, I got scolded, I got put-in-my-place......yet, I never questioned the unconditional love my parents had for me. Today, my parents are close confidants and friends....as well as respected parental figures.

However........

I have so many questions about the child-rearing protocol of TODAY'S parents.

I realize I'm a CLS (Child-less Single)

And, my opinion isn't as highly regarded as the opinion of other MwK (Marrieds with Kids)

But, I'm an ADULT - and I have opinions on the right and wrong protocol of human behavior.

I seem to remember a time in the not-so-distant past...when children actually RESPECTED and LISTENED to adults! Eeeeeeeeegad! The HORROR of the concept - is shocking by today's standards...I realize that.

As a single woman in my 30s with no children - it's understandable that many of my contemporaries have chosen a different path. While I was moving around the country, following career opportunities and climbing the corporate ladder of life.....

Many of my gal-pals were meeting the man of their dreams, settling down, growing roots and having babies!

It doesn't matter if you are MALE or FEMALE - when you are a CLS (Child-less Single) - there is a Grand Canyon-sized divide between US and THEM.

And, of course the THEM is the MwK (Marrieds with Kids)

As a single, I find myself in countless situations of having to nod my head with a smile pasted on my face while feigning interest in the - 'My child is GREAT stories':

"little Johnny is the smartest child at the Mommy & Me classes. The other children can sit up but, Johnny can roll over - he's very advanced for his age.' - "we are so proud of our Suzie, she's already eating solid food." - "breast feeding has been such a rewarding experience, although I'm starting to pump now so my husband can feed Junior when I got to Book Club." - "we just know Frankie is going to be a scientist or an accountant, he's already counting to 22!"

Hey, I realize when you give birth - you simply assume that the rest of the human race is as THRILLED as you are....and, we probably are...right after the delivery. However, once we know that Mommy and Baby are healthy and Baby has ten fingers and ten toes.....Yea, we've pretty much lost interest.

Recently, I called a gal pal of mine, who is the proud mommy of two.....I'm assuming she has Caller ID - because in lieu of a standard greeting when answering the phone, she greeted me with "Ellen, little Mickey just had the most smelly poop - EVER."

She then proceeded to share both color and consistency details....

I feel certain she knew it was me on the other end of the phone....however, considering today's Parental Standard - who knows. Maybe when little Mickey has a CLASSIC CRAP - Everyone needs the report. She may have used that greeting even if it was the Cable guy, the Banker or her Pastor.....who knows?

Okay, here's the thing - Bodily function reports are TABOO regardless of age, gender or relation.

Another thing a CLS does NOT need to know about - is how parents use a turkey-baster-like contraption to suck boogers out of Juniors nose. Anyone ever been treated to THAT story?

Oh yea, I had a friend back in Wisconsin go into explicit detail about how she has to suck the SNOT out of her toddlers nose. Again, NOT a visual I need to fill my head with. Call me selfish - whatever.

It just seems so completely weird to me, that these MwK think that we actually need to know those details. What's up with that?

Hey, how would they like it if we went into MIND-NUMBING detail about the last Board meeting - where Bill and Joe got into a verbal confrontation regarding the marketing analysis report that had mis-printed a couple of statistics.....................Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (yawn)

WE know not to bore them with the mundane details of OUR LIVES....all we ask is a little of the same courtesy. C'mon!!!

There HAS to be another topic we can discuss - like pop culture, fashion, politics, art, world events - WHATEVER.

However, more often than not - when CLS get together with MwK - the CLS have to SUFFER through poopy diapers, rash-reports, snotty noses, babbling translations and various updates regarding smells. Why is that?

And, the SOUNDS.....Oh, the SOUNDS of children. The NOISE that comes out of those tiny little mouths.

I have another question - What happens to a persons ears when they give birth? What happens to their inner ear - that allows them to sit through all the screaming, hollering, shouting and crying???? All the while Junior is screeching like a cat caught between a rotating bicycle wheel....Mommy can continue a conversation without missing a beat. What's up with that?

Last Sunday at church.....I got to the service early and took my place in the third row. I scored rock-star seating! No sooner had I sat down and said a brief prayer - when a Gen 'X' mom and dad and their three kids lumbered into the row behind me. Instantly, the youngest child, a girl of four or five years old, began speaking in her OUTSIDE voice. I waited patiently for ONE of her parents to hush her or to warn her to be quiet. Well, those directions NEVER came.

Newsflash to parents: if is sounds like a whisper to you - you can be certain it's actually a SONIC BOOM to anyone within earshot.

When your toddlers are screeching and running around the grocery store, coffee shop, restaurant, church...wherever....You can rest assured - YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT FINDS THAT BEHAVIOR CHARMING!

There may never be a way to connect the Grand Canyon sized divide between CLS and MwK..however, in the words of someone famous:

Can't we all just get along?

Pleasing Ellen

April 1, 2007

It's fitting that today is April Fools day - because I just came to the realization......

that I'M THE FOOL!!!

After a boat-load of self reflection....I have decided that it is IMPOSSIBLE to please me.

And, I'm quite aware - that this character flaw is: NOT A GOOD THING.

I know I need to conquer this 'thing' that has a death-grip on me. I'm wondering if there is a support group for women like me. Is there a safe place I can go and discuss my feelings of fear?

Or, am I destined to suffer in silence?

The support group would be filled with professional, single women....who believe they have successfully navigated through their lives without a man by their side. We are the ladies that show up at the fabulous events, parties and social gatherings complete with tailored outfit and a confident swagger....by ourselves.

We've travelled to fantastic places....solo - and actually enjoyed ourselves. We drink martinis, dine out and have a social circle of like-minded professional, single women.

We are..... SISTERS IN SINGLEHOOD!!!

The support group would meet monthly and the ladies would tell tales of the balancing act - that doubles as their daily lives. We would chat about the need to be professionally aggressive yet personally vulnerable in an interpersonal relationship. We would lament about the need to climb the corporate ladder aiming towards financial success, while we attempt to slow down just long enough to let a man open a door or pay for dinner.

Since moving to Charlotte, I have met a lovely array of southern men who open doors, pull out chairs, buy drinks and listen intently. However, I've also been pounding the pavement and interviewing in an attempt to land my 'next great professional gig'. I feel torn between the desire for a male presence in my personal life and the need for gainful employment.

For some reason, I seem to believe that I can't have BOTH..... A wonderful job and a wonderful man. To me, they don't seem to go together like the lovely invention of peanut butter and chocolate wrapped in a shiny orange candy wrapper.

I had an exhilarating interview last week for a Marketing Manager position. I spent two hours with the company owner, discussing my career path, marketing strategies and company logistics. It was AWESOME.

I said goodbye to the woman who could be my future boss....and left the office inflated with the energy of a pre-pubescent teenager. I was glowing with corporate consciousness. As I turned the corner in a blissful haze the elevator bell sounded and although I was still 15 yards away a middle-aged southern gentleman held the doors open for me and waited as I entered in front of him. I blushed with appreciation as I thanked him.

Although many women may take this example for granted....it was a big deal to me.

It wasn't that long ago that doors would shut in my face as men would pass through ahead of me and make no attempt at chivalry. Open a car door? Are you kidding me? The last time a car door was held open for me was when I entered the back of a limo during a night out-on-the-town..... and the driver was paid to do it.

I have a local male friend that I've known for 11 years. He's a partner in a law firm and certainly has the manners that accompany that role. And, although I adore my Legal Eagle pal, I find myself bristling if he calls or contacts me too often. He adds insightful comments and keeps track of me...and how many girls would knock me down for that kind of attention?

However, I get an uneasy feeling when I get too much attention - It's NOT HIM - he's doing nothing wrong...I'm very aware that it's me.....

I am obviously missing the 'take-care-of-me' gene.

I met another stupendous southern gentleman that is funny, professional and wonderful. Yet, the more attention he tries to bestow upon me....the more uncomfortable and out-of-control I feel my world becomes.

GOOD GRACIOUS!!! I can't even recount how many times I've babbled endlessly on the phone to other gal-pals..... whining about how I "just want a man to pay attention to me." - I've tearfully explained my desire for a romantic break from the singlehood merry-go-round.

It seems I've proudly held the unofficial role of President of the Sisters in Singlehood global chapter for so long....that now I'm afraid there is ABSOLUTELY no way to......

PLEASE ME!

And, on this first day of April, I'm lamenting over the idea that I may never find a way to....

HAVE IT ALL.

Unfortunately, on this frivolous day called APRIL FOOLS.....

I feel like - THE FOOL!

365 days

March 27, 2007


365 days ago - my life changed forever.

March 27, 2006 - The alarm clock went off at 3:45 am. I rolled out of bed after a restless night with little sleep. My parents had spent the night - and we moved around my condo quietly as we got ready to leave. We drove to the Hospital in silence. As we turned onto Townhall road and the Hospital loomed in front of us....I spoke for the first time. "I will never give you grandchildren." From the darkness of the back seat....my father responded in a matter-of-fact, yet soothing voice......without hesitation he said "But, we've got you Ellen...that's what matters."

My father may never know how valuable that simple reassurance was to me. It was the validation I needed on that frigid Wisconsin morning. At 5:00 am, I was secured to the operating table and within a few hours.....the surgery was complete...I had a hysterectomy.

March 28, 2006 - While still attached to an IV, spinal morphine and a catheter - I checked my work messages from the phone at my bedside. I was a work-a-holic Director of Marketing for a newly opened business in downtown Milwaukee. Prior to my surgery, my Doctor had given strict instructions that I was to take a six week medical leave of absence. However, old habits die hard. I returned the most pressing calls - then, fell back to sleep.

April 3 - April 21, 2006 - I conducted several conference calls, responded to e-mails, returned phone calls and stayed connected to the day-to-day operations.

Friday April 28, 2006 - My employer told me, "It's not necessary for you to return to work....we are eliminating your position."

For the next six months I hunted for a new job. I volunteered, networked, interviewed and maintained my role on the College of Communications Alumni board for Marquette University. I did freelance work, mentored college students and attended after-hours events for marketing professionals.

As a competitive Triathlete for 20 years, it was difficult having to take the season off. However, once I was given 'clearance' by the Doctor I began my cycling training. I did several long-distance rallies. 56, 85, 100 miles. Training for these events gave me a healthy diversion (and got me back in shape) as I tried to cope with job-less-ness

As the Holidays approached, I was still unemployed - and by then... I was not alone. Several of my marketing peers had lost their jobs too. We swapped job hunting horror stories as we marveled at all the incompetent people who were working. It became a SUPPORT GROUP FOR THE EMPLOYMENT CHALLENGED......

In November, I sold my condo and by mid December I was living in Charlotte. The job hunt continued.....the change of scenery filled me with a new sense of enthusiasm and optimism. Within five weeks of landing in Charlotte, I had various job interviews and was a published freelance writer. After networking with the local chapter of the American Marketing Association, I was nominated as the President Elect.

I'm grateful for my health, I'm grateful for the love and support of my friends and family.
However, a full time job still eludes me - and it's perplexing.

I'm completely aware that a GREATER power is at work in my life. I'm very aware of this journey.....But, I reserve the right to shake my head as I am forced to contend with mediocre professionals in the work force.

I've encountered un-inspired HR personnel with limited vision. Hell, I had one Hiring manager of a Fortune 100 company, blow me off twice. I have to bite my tongue as I observe lackluster performances of Executive Directors making six figure salaries. My eyes burn as I read hundreds of articles written by 'Life Coaches', 'Career Coaches' or whatever trendy name they assign themselves.

It's my opinion that those folks are unemployed people just like me, who have decided to make a career out of telling OTHER PEOPLE how to land a job. Think about it.

The advice and information given is as diverse and subjective as the writers themselves. One Executive SWEARS that hiring managers don't have time to read the resumes, so job seekers should spend all their time on the Cover letter. While another Executive SWEARS that the Cover letter is a joke and everyone should focus on the resume.

The Career Advice is more confusing than the job hunting process itself! Good gracious.

I'm a hard working professional. I have 16 years of work experience ranging from Broadcast Journalism to Business Development and Event Planning. I've never worked an eight hour day because I typically average 10-12 hours. I'm a published writer, a professional communicator and business solution strategist. I network, connect the dots and do the research. I have advanced up the corporate ladder in two different industries.

C'mon!

Happy Anniversary!

And THEY have jobs?

March 2007

What's the old saying? - 'That which doesn't KILL us only makes us stronger'

Well, then I should be approaching Herculean status. Unfortunately, the bad luck that has plagued me for years followed me to Charlotte. Friends who have known me a long time are even shaking their heads that this stint of unemployment continues to drag on and on and on.

One fortunate thing - people have stopped giving me ADVICE! That definitely is a silver lining -Good gracious, I've heard more crazy employment suggestions from people who thought they were 'helping'.... to last me a lifetime.

As the middle of March approaches - I'm getting dangerously close to opening April without a full time job. If that's the case, April will kick-off the 11th month of unemployment.

Unemployment was a novelty in the first couple of months. It began on June 1st and I spent much of June and July lounging by the pool. I got a bit cocky that first month - because within one week of losing my job, I'd been contacted by a headhunter and during June and July I was dragged through endless interviews, psychological tests, writing samples and presentations by a Chicago based Hospital organization. And, it wasn't until after the 'meet the team' experience - that I was told they were going in "another direction."

FYI - shortly before I left Milwaukee to move to Charlotte, that headhunter called me and told me that the Chicago company never did fill that position.

I landed in Charlotte in mid December and I hit the ground running. By January 2nd, I'd had a fantastic informational interview with the local NBA team. I was certain they would beg me to join their struggling organization on the spot. But, alas - I'm still waiting for that phone call to come.

Two weeks later, I spent a couple of hours with management staff at the local NFL team. I feel so blessed that I can get inside those organizations considering they get THOUSANDS of resumes and requests. I'm proud that my previous work reputation is recognized...however I'm saddened that those high level contacts aren't translating into high level employment for me.

I've been in Charlotte three months and so far: I've been bitten by a dog (on a leash) while jogging in my neighborhood. Followed by two more dog-chasing situations, also while jogging. And, believe me - I'm not jogging with a side of beef strapped to my back. Should I stop jogging?

Or, should OWNERS PAY ATTENTION TO THEIR BEASTS????????????

I got to the final three candidates for a fund development job with the YMCA. I had to give a presentation to the 'team' that included a marketing action plan, financial spreadsheet and an event time line for a fund raising event that I created. (oh yea, did I mention the salary was a 30 thousand dollar pay cut from my previous employment?)

The hiring manager was very sweet as she told me that although the group LOVED me - they decided to promote an on-staff part-timer to the position. I thanked her for the opportunity - as I mentally prepared to see my event idea on their calendar this year.

I've had additional job interviews with two other non-profit organizations. Both meetings ended with the company representative promising to call by the end of the week. Ah, that was more than three weeks ago.

Question - why do they even give you a time-frame for the call back? I mean - there are a TON of other ways to say goodbye at the end of the interview. A strong handshake with a "thanks for stopping by" or "it was so nice meeting you Ellen" or "You'll hear from us if we CHOOSE YOU" would suffice.

There is an entire cottage industry of Career coaches and Life experts who dole out advice to the job seekers. I've decided I want to make a living educating the EMPLOYED hiring managers, executives and HR personnel. I want to tell them that it's more polite to say nothing than to give a time and a date of the call back. Seriously, it's just bad form.

Speaking of career coaches - I met a guy - who claimed to love my energy and enthusiasm. He gave me the contact info for his 'FRIEND' the 'Head Hunter'. I took the info and followed up with the so-called 'Head Hunter' the next day. Only to find out- he wasn't a 'Head Hunter' he was an 'Executive Search Expert' and he wanted to charge me $3,000 for the benefit of his 'job hunting expertise'.

Are you FREAKING KIDDING ME? I could barely stifle a laugh as I told him that I planned to "search on my own". If I had $3,000 to throw out the window, I certainly wouldn't be giving it to a guy for his job hunting expertise.

Of course, as I watch my bank account become more anorexic - I wonder if his services would've been worth the expense.

So, unemployment continues....and, I find myself wondering how I can be unemployed yet so many dim-witted hacks have jobs. C'mon - how do you explain Ryan Seacrest?

Obviously, American Idol isn't a great example of an entertainment masterpiece. But, give me a break - Ryan Seacrest has a job? For that matter, its even harder to swallow Randy ( Yo' man) Jackson and Paula (I'm out of my mind) Abdul collecting paychecks while I pray for a call back from a 20-something non-profit hiring manager.

I still believe there will be a light at the end of this never-ending tunnel. I still believe I'll land on my feet and actually collect a paycheck sometime this year. I still believe that in the near future.....some guy will get drunk enough, ask me out on a date and then remember to call me.

Hey, a girls gotta dream - right?

Stinky Celebrities

March, 2007


As a writer, I'm used to getting creative inspiration at any time and in any place. My mind is always processing 'life's-little-details' and I mentally begin to write a story as those details unfold. However, sometimes I don't need a visual stimulation to get my creative juices flowing......periodically, story ideas evolve during the most mundane moments of my daily routine......

It was the night of the Oscars. Also known as the Celebrity Superbowl. As most folks gather in groups to pay homage to the stick-thin celebrities... I was on a one-woman boycott of the whole silly production. That night, I worked out at the gym and spent a glorious evening shopping for groceries. It was virtually a solo shopping spree as the rest of the free world huddled around their televisions...to catch a glimpse of the red carpet parade.

It seems, the older I get - the more disdain I have for the frivolity of celebrity. I mean, who are they kidding? What is the difference between me and...let's say - Julia Roberts?

Sure, she's got many successful blockbuster movies on her resume, that have made her a millionaire several times over. But, let's be honest - we're about the same age, we've both dated men that were a bit questionable and we've both spent time in Marietta Georgia.

C'mon - regardless of how BIG the superstar is - they still perform typical daily acts.... just like the rest of us no-names. Regardless of how many movies he's done - George Clooney still puts his pants on one leg at a time. Hell, even Sean Connery has to take time out to take a DUMP, once in awhile. Right?

So, on Oscar night - I was determined to stick to my usual routine and not stop for one silly second to take notice of the Hollywood Hype. After I worked up a sweat and re-stocked my food supply, I jumped into the shower. I lingered as the hot water washed away all the grime of the day.

As I emerged from my steamy surroundings and reached for my favorite fragrant body lotion ....it occurred to me. I bet there are a ton of STINKY CELEBRITIES.

Think about it - celebrities are people just like us. Sure, they may have an agent and an entourage. They may go to the 'head-of-the-line' and fly first class. But, there is NO WAY that fame and fortune can eliminate BODY ODOR!

As I contemplated that notion, I began to brainstorm - Who is the stinkiest celebrity?

More importantly, what is their STENCH? Which celeb has the worst breath? Who has body odor? Furthermore....do they fart, burp or have morning breath? Once I began to put thought into this conundrum - I couldn't stop thinking about the STENCH OF CELEBRITY.

MORNING BREATH

• Eva Longoria
• Angelina Jolie
• Sean P Diddy Combs
• Vince Vaughn
• Sarah Jessica Parker
• Diane Sawyer
• Prince
• Rod Stewart
• Tom Cruise
• Nicolet Sheridan
• Robert Downey Jr.
• Tyra Banks
• Marc Anthony
• Renee Zellweger

SMELLY SOUNDS (ie; Burps & Farts)

• Brett Favre (NFL quarterback - is infamous for passing GAS)
• Drew Barrymore
• Adam Sandler
• Nelly Furtado
• Teri Hatcher
• Jessica Simpson
• Mark Wahlberg
• L.L. Cool Jay
• Paula Abdul
• Justin Timberlake
• Jimmy Kimmel
• Matthew McConaughey
• Ashton Kutcher
• Will Smith
• Martin Lawrence
• Kelly Clarkson

BODY ODOR (a tendency to smell RIPE without their deodorant application)

• Jack Black
• Owen Wilson
• Simon Cowell
• Gwen Stefani
• Lindsay Lohan
• Naomi Campbell
• Jim Carrey
• Danny Divito
• Bruce Willis
• Al Sharpton
• Sean Penn
• Andy Rooney (the 60 minutes guy)
• Russell Crow

HALITOSIS (give them some mouthwash)

• Rosie O'Donnell
• Whoopi Goldberg
• Victoria Beckham (aka - Posh Spice)
• David Letterman
• Dan Rather
• Ellen Pompeo
• Martha Stewart
• Katie Couric
• Hilary Clinton
• Dr. Phil
• Kelsey Grammar
• Courtney Cox

OVERALL FUNK - (breath, body odor, sounds)

• Paris Hilton

Celebrities are only celebrities because people in the population pay attention. If all of us would just go about our daily routine and not seek refuge in the fantasy world that Hollywood creates - each and every person listed above would be out of a job.

Wouldn't it be great if the so-called Celebrities would be forced to pay admission to view OUR DAILY LIVES? Lets give an Oscar to the Doctors and Nurses saving lives - How about a standing ovation for the Fire Fighters, Police Officers and EMT's? Better yet - lets roll out the red carpet as the Social Workers report to work each day.

Let's get some perspective.

Why is it?

February, 2007


Why is it that........?

• Magazines that boast stories about 'Decorate Your House on a Budget' are barely 100 pages long and 3/4 advertisements yet cost $6. If I could afford to pay $6 for a mere 12 pages of useful info. - I wouldn't be worried about decorating on a budget!

• Men seem to be drawn to the woman in the group that holds a full-set of personal baggage? She may be; divorced, bankrupt, have kids, formerly abused and recovering from an addiction....and remarkably the men are drawn to her like moths to a flame....

• The 'Career Coaches' and employment 'experts', encourage job seekers to follow up every resume submission with a phone call while also warning job seekers to NEVER speak of salary during an interview...YET, the actual Hiring Managers have messages on their e-mails and phones that state: "Due to the overwhelming response for this position, we ask that you do not call or reply to this e-mail. We will contact you, if your skills match our needs." .....Furthermore - in nearly every interview - the hiring manager asks "What kind of salary are you looking to make?" In some instances, this question is posed at the on-set of the interview...giving the job seeker the feeling that if they don't answer in the correct 'salary range'....the interview would be over before it begins.

• Guys rarely call back when they say they will.

• The high-paid Meterologists cause state-wide panic with their 'weather predictions' - that inevitably are WRONG more than 50% of the time- yet they are still EMPLOYED. And, viewers continue to tune in, to find out the SEVEN DAY forecast.

• Carbohydrates are NIRVANA for a woman with PMS.

• The grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence.

• Paris Hilton exists. More importantly, who are the people that ask for her autograph?

• Professional athletes make millions of dollars for playing a sport found on any school playground or high school athletic field...... and people that work with developmentally disabled children, social workers and non-profit employees who fight for a 'cause' are the 'working poor'.

• Once a person is rich - they rarely pay for anything.

• Guys rarely call back when they say they will. (it was worth repeating)

Meeting Mr. T.M.I

February 2007

If you're still single in your 30s, I don't care if you're a man or woman....you've got WAR STORIES.

As a terminally single gal, nearing the end of my 30s, I've got stories from the FRONT LINE of the Relationship War. Quite frankly, I should get the Purple- Heart -of- Valor...for some of my battle scars.

Historically, women seem to get the 'crap end of the stick' when it comes to relationship faux pas. Female miscues tend to be the punchline of relationship blunders. And, sadly...I suppose we've earned those stereotypes.

I'll admit to spending countless hours chatting with gal pals as we dissected and analyzed every syllable of every sentence that a guy may have uttered....... "So, he said he'd call, but he hasn't called....however, he seemed distracted when he said it...so, maybe I should call him. Or, do you think he hasn't called because I made that comment about his friends auto-salvage business? Maybe I shouldn't have said anything....you know he's very sensitive because his mom and dad split when he was fourteen....gosh, I should probably call him, right?"

UGH! - Even I get nauseated with these types of diatribes.

Okay...Okay....women have earned their place in relationship lore.....However,

MEN HAVE ISSUES TOO!!

Men tend to have completely unrealistic expectations when it comes to females. I mean, do they really think we can wake up in the morning LOOKING like Pamela Anderson? Don't guys understand that even Pamela Anderson doesn't wake up looking like Pamela Anderson?

Newsflash - it takes a team of experts nearly half a day to, tousle her over-processed blond/black rooted hair into a sexy mess of curls. And, to apply layers of make-up just accurately so that it appears like she's not wearing any make-up at all. And, tan year round? Give me a break......

FYI - this goes for Carmen Electra and Eva Longoria too. - TEAM OF EXPERTS.

Recently, I was at a business networking event. The room was packed with professionals. Open bar, buffet, dim lighting......perfect for, 'chatting about business'. After a solid hour of working-the-room, collecting business cards and discussing issues, I sauntered over to the buffet table.

Unfortunately, the professional 'grazers' had already attacked the food spread. There were only a few carrots and a questionable dip-like substance left, when I approached. "looks like we're too late for the good food" a handsome stranger to my right commented.

I smiled at him. "However," he continued "it was probably just your standard hot-wings and mini quiche spread anyway....."

"Yea, if they had a sushi spread," I commented "they'd charge us an arm and a leg to attend"

Well, the door was open and we immediately began chatting about various sushi joints in Charlotte, followed by talk about our careers. He was a recent transplant from New York. I told him that I too was new to Charlotte by way of Milwaukee and New York. We exchanged business cards and made plans to 'do lunch' as we parted that night.

He sent me a 'nice-to-meet-you' e-mail the next day. I was beaming.....I actually believed there was a possibility that my long stint of singlehood was about to come to an end. We exchanged sassy e-mails for a couple of weeks. Then, it was LUNCH DAY.

I was running a few minutes late, and called him on his cell phone to let him know. He too, was behind schedule...so, we actually chatted on our cell phones as we drove to the lunch location. It was in that precisely seven minute conversation that I felt the 'twinge' of RED FLAG FEAR coming on.

He launched into a frantic 'fusion bomb' of words that included: his pending divorce, current separation, moving from his condo to an apartment, custody of his kids......

When he came up for air, I told him I was pulling into the parking lot of the lunch location and I sweetly said: "Okay, I'm here, (slight pause) and it'd be great if we could back-off on the divorce conversation while we're eating...I don't want it to ruin my lunch."

Any wonder why I'm still single? I have no time or energy for a guys drama.....well, at least not on the first date - more importantly - not on the DRIVE TO THE FIRST DATE.

Good lord, can't we at least save major divorce drama for the third date?

We had been seated approximately six minutes when his cell phone rang for the first time...(red flag #2) Guys, unless you are the President of the United States of America or in the Witness-protection-program.....NO CALL IS THAT IMPORTANT.

By the end of the meal, I had learned more details about my lunch companion than any one person should ever know about anyone in the first three hours of the relationship.(red flags #3-36) Hell, I'd covered the New York Jets football team for three seasons, including two-a-day pre -season workouts.....and, I didn't have as much information about them as I did about this guy.

He was officially - MR. TOO MUCH INFORMATION

He aggressively described situations and conversations he'd had with his soon-to-be former wife...followed by intimate details of what she would or wouldn't do in the bedroom, comments from his therapist, AA info. (he's a recovering alcoholic) and I think he told a story about how he had to sell his sports car for $16,000 cash -

By this point, I was numb to the white noise coming out of his mouth. However, the final straw was when the waitress brought the bill - and....................... you guessed it:

He suggested we SPLIT THE TAB!!

If I wasn't so fearful of living in a small and confined jail cell for the rest of my life - I would've strangled him with my bare hands right then and there. That act-of-kindness would've put BOTH OF US out of our misery.

As we exited the restaurant....he was babbling about the move out of his 5,200 square ,five bedroom home and he actually pulled a picture of his 'ex' out of his wallet as he commented about how "hot she was". (red flag count - too numerous to track at this point)

It was then, in the fresh Carolina air - I put up my hand in a 'PLEASE STOP TALKING' gesture.

"You know," I began...."I speak on behalf of my average-looking female sisters..All you guys who feel compelled to marry the 'HOT CHICKS' and live in your over sized houses..then you get dragged through the dirt by that 'HOT CHICK' and you get unleashed back into the world for us 'average looking ladies' to deal with. Can I just say, I'm currently unemployed, terminally single and living in a 700 square foot rented apartment.....and I've NEVER BEEN HAPPIER. Dude, you go for the HOT CHICK - you deserve what you get."

It was my time to come up for air.

He looked at me in stunned silence before he blurted, "you are my dream girl".

I shook my head as I laughed at that absurd notion. But, the moment was interrupted by his cell phone AGAIN...and he said, "It's my ex-wife, I've got to take this."

And with that, MR. TOO MUCH INFORMATION turned on his heel and walked away.

I smiled to myself - SINGLEHOOD never felt so sweet!

'dumbing down' to DATE

2007,


I've just relocated to Charlotte, North Carolina.


2006 was a long journey for me both personally and professionally and when I finally arrived in Charlotte, I felt bruised and battered. However, in no time at all, I began to decompress, relax and investigate my new surroundings. I realized very quickly, that I'd made the right decision to relocate. North Carolina is rich with culture, history and opportunity.

The energy level here is vibrant and contagious.

As a single person, it's always fun to explore the 'single-scene' of a new city. Men and women...can't we all agree?....there is something exhilarating about meeting someone from the opposite sex...when you are in a new environment.

Clearly, Las Vegas coined the phrase, "what happens here, stays here" for a reason.

I've lived in Milwaukee, New York and Charlotte (this is my second tour-of-duty here). The men I've met in those cities are as varied as their accents and appearances.

The farm-fresh lads in Milwaukee are big, strong beer-drinkers.

New York men were a mix of 'joey-bag-of- donuts' meets Kenneth Cole.

And, the gents in Charlotte are both refined and rugged.

I've compared notes with my 'sisters-in-singlehood' and based on the hours and hours of stimulating conversations, (that usually include either martini's or chocolate...and, sometimes BOTH)....... a common theme began to emerge.


During my 30s as I climbed the corporate ladder, purchased a home and finally felt 'comfortable in my own skin'....I remained terminally single. It was odd...the better I felt about myself, the more I seemed to REPEL men. I was perplexed.

After the endless conversations with my 'sisters-in-singlehood', I realized I wasn't alone. They too, were amassing wealth and possessions, yet a date for Friday night, was as elusive as Jimmy Hoffa's remains.

WHAT DO MEN WANT?

Well, we may never know the answer to that.....but, I had a recent conversation with two single and available men, that helped open the 'locker room door' of their mind. I got a disturbing peak inside.

I was out-on-the-town with a guy-pal. I've known him for a decade. We are the same age with similar childhoods and we both graduated from the same University. He's recently single and a lawyer. My legal eagle pal would be considered a 'catch' by all the dating experts.

Around midnight, we meet up with an acquaintance of the legal eagle. The acquaintance was a tall, dark and handsome professional. However, he had a cocky swagger, that registered immediately with me. He was in his mid-thirties and within a second of meeting him, I felt certain he didn't date anyone over the age of 25.

No sooner had we all said "hello" before Mr. 35 launched into a soliloquy about his risque experience the night before with two young 'ladies'.

Ah, gotta love a guy who includes menage a' Trois details in his opening remarks.

At some point, as the cocktails continued...the conversation shifted to the never-ending-mystery of DATING. Before I knew it, I WAS BEING CRITIQUED by the legal eagle and Mr. 35.

Mr. 35 acknowledged that it was "sexy"that I knew so much about sports. "However," he added, "it's very un-sexy if you know too much."

If I knew too much? I asked for clarification. "Well," he began......"I think it's cool that you know the names of the quarterbacks in the NFL but, it's just weird if you can name the colleges they played for as well."

(FYI - during this conversation I had not recited either NFL player names or college information) However.....

I was back in familiar territory. I'd had similar exchanges with various men during the TEN YEARS I worked as a sports broadcast journalist. Yes, I was a sports reporter. Primarily in professional sports. I'd worked in Milwaukee, Charlotte and New York. I'd interviewed players from Glen 'Big Dog' Robinson to Anthony Mason, Dennis Rodman and Mike Piazza. I'd talked 'game talk' with coaches like Joe Torre, Dave Cowens and Bill Parcells.

I'd been to the Metro Dome, Wrigley Field, Lambeau Field, Madison Square Garden and the Meadowlands. I'd been in locker rooms, on the field and in the press box.

Sports details, players names, scores and team information wasn't a quirky hobby I had....it was MY JOB!

While I worked in 'the business' I was very careful not to divulge too much information, primarily because most guys would ask for free game tickets once they found out about my career.

However, here it was, the year 2007 and Mr. 35 was telling me.... It was a 'turn OFF' to him if a woman (me) knew more about sports than he did. And, even worse - my legal eagle pal was agreeing with him! UGH!

I quickly pointed out to the two knuckleheads, that their view was absurd. "If I was a doctor would you tell me I couldn't have a medical conversation?"

"NO" they chirped simultaneously.

"If I was an exotic dancer," I continued "would you tell me I couldn't talk about dancing?"

"NO" they both smiled.

"So, even though I made a living in the sports industry....somehow, I'm supposed to pretend not to know anything...because I'm not supposed to know more than a MAN about sports?"

I didn't even need to hear their answer.

The details may be different, but many women have similar stories. I have a gal-pal in Texas who is an accomplished lawyer and triathlete. She's travelled the world, owns a home and is in fantastic shape. Yet, she's another 'sister-in-singlehood'.

How come a smart, secure and established man - is the CATCH OF THE CENTURY.....Yet, a woman with the exact characteristics tends to be the only person left on the island?

Well, I may never know the real answer to that question. However, I do know one thing. Thanks to higher education, better paying jobs and low interest rates.... Women are more educated, higher paid and home owners.

As long as there is enough chocolate and martini's to go around - the 'sisters-in-singlehood' will continue to congregate.

Gather around ladies - the meeting is about to begin!

Where do they meet?

February, 2007

Ah, the glorious feeling of a New Year.

Historically, I've never put much stock in New Year 'lore'. I don't make resolutions, I don't give up anything or make any GRAND changes just because the calendar hits January 1st. I'm of the school-of-thought, that we should live each day and each year to the fullest. No regrets. Do your best at all times, so that you don't have to fall to your knees in the 11th hour trying to purge your sins.

Furthermore, I don't get ' giddy' over Valentines Day or Sweetest Day. Primarily because I've been terminally single for so long, that those Hallmark Holidays don't translate into gifts for me.

They translate into even MORE reminders that I'm single. I have to suffer through the Kay Jeweler commercials with everyone else. Their slogan: "every kiss begins with K" is the WAR-CRY reminder that no one will be buying me jewelry anytime soon.

Recently, I've been reflecting on the ROUTE to RELATIONSHIPS.

Maybe it's because I just celebrated another birthday and I'm getting dangerously close to closing out my 30s. Or, maybe its because I just moved to a new city and I'm surrounded by married couples with kids. These couples are my age....and I try to envision myself in their married shoes.

The ROUTE TO RELATIONSHIPS is a long and windy road, isn't it? As I pay closer attention to the paired- off -folks in my presence, I find myself asking each couple I encounter,

"So, how did you two meet?"

And, as you'd imagine, the answers are as diverse as the couples themselves. "We met on an airplane." "We met on a blind date." "We used to work together." "We met at Church." "My brother and he went to college together." "We met in a bar." "My roommate dated him first" "He was my nephew's first grade teacher" "We met at a party." .... blah, blah, blah.

The possibilities are endless.......And, if I DARE to proclaim frustration over my INABILITY to meet a guy, then....I'm forced to endure all the kick-you-in-the-gut cliches. "Oh, Ellen...when you least expect it, you'll meet him." "Ellen, when you stop looking, that's when you'll find him."

UGH.

When I Least expect it? I stopped expecting to meet a date-able guy....YEARS AGO. So, what does that mean?

When I stop looking? Are you freaking kidding me? I stopped looking so long ago, that the only way I'll actually meet a single and available guy is if he walks up to my front door and knocks. And, even then....I may not be home to answer.

Over the course of the last five years , AKA - my relationship free zone, I've flown on planes, gone to church, bars and parties. I've worked at various jobs, been on committees, volunteered my time and met all the teachers of my nieces and nephews.

Not one of these daily -acts -of -living has resulted in a ..... .....

Match Made in Heaven, for Ellen.

And as 2007 began, I decided this would be the year I would whole-heartedly embrace my single status. No longer will I compare and contrast my 'single-ness' with the paired-off-people in my presence.

Neither status is better or worse than the other. I've decided there are pros and cons to each situation. Although, I may not have a built-in date for the weekends....... My weekends are individual adventures. Two weeks ago, I got up early and rode 40 miles on my bicycle with a cool group of riders. Last weekend, I slept in, went for a long walk and met a friend for dinner.

Although, I don't have an extra pair of hands to help me carry the groceries into the house.........I can buy whatever foods I like. I can light candles, pop in a DVD and drink a glass of wine, while I try out a new recipe I found in a magazine.

Although, there isn't a steady second income to make me feel more secure........I just sold my condo and moved across the country to follow my dream for new opportunities. I feel quite certain that my 'hunch' will be paying off shortly.

Although I don't have someone to hold my hand on a stormy night........I do have a fantastic circle of friends across the country that I can talk to on the phone for as long as I need and who will assure me when I'm feeling uncertain.

What's the old saying....The grass is always greener...... Well, I'm not quite sure about that...but, I do know that the grass on my side is green and thick and feels good under my feet.

C'mon in 2007 - I'm glad to meet you!

The Journey Continues

December, 2006

Nearly all of my memories regarding momentous occasions in my life have included my mother. Signing the 'letter of intent' to play Division One basketball,was captured on film by my mother. Getting my first radio job, included a joyous call to my mom. Break-ups, surgeries, loss of jobs, moves, Broadway musicals, high-profile interviews with legendary sports figures......the list goes on and on and on.

The unifying common denominator in all of these precious and not-so-precious memories included my mother.

Selling my condo, was no different. My mom was by my side as I shut the front door for the last time. She sat next to me at the closing and held my hand as I deposited the check the next day.

2006 was a long year for me both personally and professionally. 2006 included additional challenges for various members of my family. Most notably, my wonderful father. However, at some point, I became very conscious that something MUCH LARGER THAN ME was 'at work' in my life.

Because I was out of a job, I was able to be on hand and be a support for both my mom and dad during their challenges of 2006. I spent long hours of quality time with both of them and became increasingly aware that I should be counting my blessings for each one of those lovely moments.

Which made leaving Wisconsin such an agonizing decision. I was convinced that I'd maximised my time in Wisconsin and felt certain that more opportunities were waiting for me in North Carolina.....however, I still struggled with the decision to leave my NUMBER ONE fans - a.k.a my parents, behind.

My personal belongings were on a massive moving truck and I was planning to drive my Honda the nearly 1,000 miles by myself. I intended to do the drive in one day. I was leaving on a Monday and the moving truck was scheduled to arrive bright and early on Tuesday. So, I was hell-bent on getting there, meeting the truck and moving in to the rented apartment as fast as possible.

Monday, December 18th at 4:00 am CST, I pulled away from my parents home. Through my rear view mirror, I could see both of them in their bathrobe and slippers waving good bye. I wasn't even to the end of the driveway before the floodgates opened and I was crying like a baby.

God bless the toll booth attendants at all the stops in Chicago. Each one of them had a look of "Ma'am, are you okay?" as I handed over the money while blowing my nose with tears streaming down my face. I finally stopped crying somewhere near the Smokey Mountains.

Nearly 16 hours later - I arrived in Charlotte, North Carolina. I pulled up to the gates of the apartment complex that would now serve as my dwelling. I was a zombie as the Manager handed over the keys. Once inside, it didn't take me long to realize....My bed would be arriving the next morning, so I'd be sleeping on the floor that night and more importantly....I'd forgotten to pack a roll of toilet paper.

I'd gone to the bathroom only twice during the 16 hour journey yet drank nearly a gallon of liquids along the way. You do the math.

So, it was back into the car to find toilet paper. Thank goodness for the 24 hour Walmart. Which, normally would make me cringe rather than cheer - but, this was a desperate situation and Walmart was my toilet paper supplier. Once back at the apartment, I prepared to settle in for the night. I slept on the floor, covered only by my shower curtain.

Why did I have a shower curtain yet no blankets or toilet paper you ask? Good heavens, who knows...............I'm a single, unemployed woman who just moved across the country - cut me some slack! The next morning the movers arrived right on time. I was hoping that was a good sign of things to come.

The moving truck was by far the largest thing on wheels ever made...and, getting it into the complex was challenging enough. Getting it to my front door was impossible. So, I was told the guys would be doing a 'long haul' or, something like that. Which meant nothing to me...but, meant more work for the guys carrying my stuff. Lovely.

Other than the apartment manager and the check-out person at Walmart, I hadn't interacted with anyone in my new town yet. The truck driver introduced me to the two guys that would be doing the unloading and they seemed pleasant enough. Until only moments later, when they began bickering with one another. Although, I wasn't quite sure at first - the southern accents were throwing me off a bit.

Southern accents have a way of making everything being said sound like its in 'sing-song', you know? "Screw you", said the Southern Way, actually sounds like an endearing term. So, it took me awhile to figure out that the two guys handling my personal belongings were fighting with each other. I overlooked it as best I could as I directed them where to put the boxes.

Several hours later, it was time to bring in my prized sofa that I'd purchased in New York during my 'dot com' period of life. As the two southern movers heaved, wheezed and panted up the stairs with my sofa perched precariously on their shoulders....one muttered something like, "maybe next time you move, you should consider living on the first floor".

To which, I responded something about, "yea, I've been told that before by folks who've carried that sofa - I suppose the fact that its a Queen size sleeper sofa, doesn't help either".

Wow, I thought the SOUTH WAS GONNA RISE AGAIN....it was the first time the two southern movers stopped arguing. They stopped just long enough to PLOT MY DEATH. Apparently, they weren't thrilled that there was a bed inside that piece of furniture.

For the next few days I feverishly unpacked. I was hell-bent on getting settled in this new place as quickly as possible. My life had been so uncertain for so long, that I felt being unpacked and surrounded by my 'stuff' would give me some sense of normalcy again.

One of the reasons I chose to return to Charlotte was because I'd had professional success there once before. I'd moved to Charlotte in 1996 and worked in radio before being discovered by a station in New York. However, more importantly, I'd also made solid friendships which I'd maintained over the years.

Christmas and New Years came and went and I was surrounded by friends that made the transition easier. In addition, my mom continued to shower me with love and support during our numerous phone conversations.

January 2nd, I arrived for my appointment with the sports team. It felt FANTASTIC to be interviewing again. The meeting went well and I was energized by the process. However, using the previous six months as a guide, I know better than to hold my breath while waiting for the next-best-gig to be offered. Even though, I knew I'd be a perfect fit for their organization, I had to continue the search.

I began networking immediately and creating my professional circle in my new market.

2006 was over! As 2007 begins, I continue to believe that something amazing is waiting just over the horizon. Gosh, I've travelled nearly 1,000 miles....I certainly hope my instincts are right.

Leaving Home - a.k.a. unemployment, seventh month

December, 2006

As November came to a close and December began, my life was an absolute whirlwind of activity. Once I'd accepted the offer on my condo and we'd agreed on a closing date, everything seemed to shift into HIGH gear.

I had to decide on a Moving company, find a place to live in Charlotte, pack up all my belongings.....oh yea, and continue the job hunt (long distance). In addition, I had to jam a million other details into the already crazy schedule. Oil change, dentist appointment, doctor appointment, haircut...the list was endless.

And, although I'd been unemployed for many months....once folks heard I was leaving the state...EVERYONE WANTED TO SEE ME, one last time. I struggled to keep my composure as person after person after person wanted a 'piece' of me. I tried to understand their intentions...but, was so consumed with details of THE MOVE that it was hard for me to be gracious when additional demands were being placed on me.

If you've paid attention at all, you've undoubtedly heard that MOVING is one of LIFE'S LARGEST STRESSES.

I had the great fortune of selling my home and being unemployed while planning a cross country move. Oh yea, and being SINGLE. Good lord, I was going for the record of how many stress's one person could possibly endure simultaneously. Did I mention, I was making this move over the CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY?

If you've read any of my other stories...you'll notice a theme of how December/Christmas has notoriously been the worst time of year for me both personally and professionally. Anyone who knows me can attest to my complete DISDAIN of the Christmas season. Historically, I have been kicked in the ass so many times during the Holiday Season, I need to come up with a new term for that time of year.

Instead of Merry Christmas, I should mutter: "Merry Kick-me-in-the-ass". It would be much more appropriate.

My closest friends threw me a going away party and it was lovely. All my favorite people in one place at the same time. Several professional peers of mine came to say goodbye and it was truly heartwarming for me. Heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time.

Here I was saying goodbye to business associates who I had professionally partnered and collaborated with. Their mere presence was proof to me, that I had accomplished something in Milwaukee.... Yet, in six months (nearly seven) I hadn't been able to find work in my hometown. It was painful.

However, on a more upbeat note: the week before my going away party, I had been contacted by a professional sports team in Charlotte. They wanted to meet with me to discuss possible marketing opportunities within their organization. I was elated! I agreed and we set the meeting date for January 2nd, 2007.

Gosh, the potential for a HAPPY NEW YEAR was looming.

My condo selling so quickly and now the potential of a cool gig with a pro sports team was proof to me that I was making the right decision to move. I was hopeful that these were signs of good fortune just over the horizon.

On December 14th, the Movers arrived early in the morning. As they began loading all of my possessions onto the truck, the enormity of what I was doing finally hit me.

My condo had been my 'comforting place' after my surgery and during the hunt for a job. It was my sanctuary. Thanks to good financial management, I was still able to afford my mortgage while collecting unemployment. The condo was a reflection of my taste in design but more importantly it represented the only thing that I could control while everything else around me felt so shattered.

Now, I had sold that sanctuary and I was venturing into the complete unknown. I was leaving my family and my hometown (AGAIN) to follow career opportunities that I was certain were out there. Opportunties outside the four walls of my precious condo and opportunities outside the boundaries of Wisconsin.

As the truck pulled away and I stood in my empty condo, I said a silent prayer...asking for the strength to continue on the journey.......

And, soooooo much more was yet to come.

Unemployment-sixth month

November, 2006

On November 1st, I was a guest lecturer at Marquette University. I was 'holding court' with a group of bright eyed, bushy tailed communications students - who had all assembled to hear me speak about Broadcast Journalism and Marketing. Two industries I'd worked in successfully.

Initially, I felt like such a fraud. Here I was, giving them advice and tips on how to 'MAKE IT in the REAL WORLD and I had just begun my sixth month of unemployment. It blew my mind!

Although, as I drove away from the University that night, I actually felt rejuvenated. I had shared stories with them about what I did in the early days to 'get noticed' in the business.

I told them about my days of freelancing for ESPN Sunday Night baseball - and how I used to 'fetch' coffee for the Director and 'chauffeur' around the broadcasters, John Miller and Joe Morgan. I explained how I began working in the business at "the worlds smallest jazz music station, making $3.50 an hour, working six days a week, on-air with no benefits."

They sat before me, mesmerized. I told them, if any of this "freaks you out, then...you're pursuing the wrong business." I went on sharing..... I'd worked for three years as a sports talk-show producer...and when I'd gone to management asking for more on-air opportunities, the Program Director told me, "Not gonna happen".

The students absorbed every syllable as I continued, "So, a few days later, I gave my two weeks notice...packed up a moving truck and moved to Charlotte and within one week of arriving, I was the on-air sidekick of the number one sports talk show in the market." After a mere 13 months in Charlotte, I was offered a job at a sports station in New York. I spent five years in New York, before returning back to Milwaukee and entering the world of corporate America.

In my effort to get the students excited about working in the broadcast and marketing industries....I had actually jump-started myself. I too, had been a bright eyed and bushy tailed younger version of my current self - and I'd followed my dreams like a torpedo aiming for its mark. It was on that drive home, I began to think..... it may be time to shake-things-up.

However, the next day I had an appointment with a Cleaning Company, I'd called them the week before, looking for something...while I continued the search for the next great gig. I arrived at the location, resume in hand. I introduced myself to the lady I'd spoken to over the phone and she reviewed my resume while I filled out the one page job application.

(One page was a treat compared to the Hours of paperwork I'd filled out the week before at the Temp agency.....that never did place me anywhere. )

As I handed her the completed application she commented, "You were the Director of Marketing at So & So."

"Yes I was" I smiled

"My husband takes clients there all the time, he says it's a really nice place"

"It certainly is," I continued to smile.....

It was at this very moment - that our eyes met. I stood there and looked at her as she tried to connect the dots. It was like she was doing a Rubik's Cube in her head. I could just hear her brain trying to process.....So, you were the Director of Marketing...and, now you want to clean office buildings?

As I put my coat on, I said, "Yes, it is a lovely place.....I redesigned their website and marketing pieces....So, not only could I be your next cleaning person...keep ME in mind, if you need help with your marketing effort!"

She smiled sweetly, we shook hands and I walked to my car. Quite certain I would never hear from this woman again.

About a week later, I was sitting in my condo as I reflected back on my conversation with the cleaning lady. My thoughts drifted to the six unanswered calls I'd place to Rob (the highly inappropriate) HR guy at UPS. For six months.....I'd interviewed, answered ads, networked, done free lance work and volunteered.....yet, still was coming up empty.

What was I doing?

I had work experience at the highest of levels. I'd interviewed legendary sports figures from Michael Jordan and Dennis Rodman to Mike Piazza, Vinnie Testeverde and Bill Parcels. I'd covered games at Madison Square Garden, Yankee Stadium and Giants Stadium. There were many times I was the only woman in the locker room, yet I persevered and navigated through the male-dominated industry of sports.

In 2001, I transitioned into health care and in a brief four years, I developed an innovative music program for senior-learners that was recognized by seasoned geriatric professionals throughout the region.

And, I couldn't find work.....are you kidding me????????

Then, it came to me...it was time to RE-INVENT myself. For the first time in six months, everything became crystal clear.

Friday, November 10th, I met with my parents and told them my intentions. They responded with complete and total support - which gave me the 'green light' to follow my heart.

On Sunday November 12th, I met with a Realtor and explained my desire to put my condo on the market. He absolutely LOVED my place and said, "I would really enjoy showing your home." On Wednesday November 15th, we signed the contract and on Thursday November 16th, he showed my condo to a potential buyer. An offer was made on Saturday and I accepted that offer on Sunday November 19th. I never even had an open house.

For the first time in months....something was actually going right for a change. The rest of November was filled with details and planning...as things began to fall into place.

I was melancholy and hopeful at the same time. Melancholy, because I just couldn't believe that it had come to this. I was selling my home because I hadn't found a job. Yet, hopeful that the next phase of my life would be filled with promise and opportunities.

As November came to a close, I started sharing my news with family and friends... I was re-locating to Charlotte, North Carolina.

That was my sixth month of unemployment.