We're MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!

No MEN in the planning!

May 2008

Let me just begin by emphasizing that I have NEVER been the girl who dreamed of her wedding from childhood. Rarely, if ever, did I think about what my dress and my DAY would look like.

Hell, for most of my life - I was trying to figure out how to get the guys to actually LOOK at me and pick me as a DATE rather than the First baseman or the lead-off for Kick-ball.

I was a Tom-Boy tried and true. Seriously, I cried more tears and had more angst during adolescence and well into adult-hood, as I tried to figure out a way to shed the Tom-boy-mentality and emerge as a delicate (freaking) chick.
(I still struggle)

Having a ten year career in the sports broadcasting industry didn't help matters either. But, by then - I was making money and didn't really give a crap. (again, still working on the dainty side of me)

However, in some bizarre twist of romantic-irony - I have found an amazing guy. And, that amazing guy asked me to marry him. He doesn't seem phased at all - by the little single-chick tendencies that I'd been told were my 'down-fall'. Gosh, how many ADVICE-GIVERS told me I'd find a guy quicker if I'd just do.......(insert comment here)
And, most of those comments had to do with softening up my female persona.
UGH - I just wanted to be ME! Well, my Southern Gentleman, finds that perfectly acceptable.
Which is why I thank GOD for him every day. (Well, at least every Sunday)
We are getting married in two weeks - and the wedding planning has proceeded in similar fashion to how I've lived my life up until this point. I'm focused on the important parts of the day - and all the FLUFFY STUFF is a mere passing thought. Our wedding ceremony and luncheon reception will be classy/comfortable and semi-casual.
JUST LIKE US!
Since I only had 5 months to get this Blessed Event thrown together (we both agreed a long engagement was silly) and I had just begun a new job - and ALL of my close friends and family live Out-of-State.....the biggest challenge for me, was finding the TIME to plan this freaking wedding by myself.
All of my triathlon training came into play as I stayed Laser-focused on the details of wedding planning. When I'm training for a race - I have to successfully merge my personal and professional life with all my training.
Wedding planning had to fit into the schedule with the personal, professional and training aspects of my life.
With all of that to contend with - The INTERNET became my savior. I did a lot of research and ordering on-line from the comfort of my apartment, typically in the middle-of-the-night. I ordered my dress on-line and many of the supporting details of the DAY.
I was able to successfully avoid the wedding dress SHOPS, the Bridal Shows, the Bridal Magazines and all the seriously silly Bridal STUFF the experts claim is paramount. NONE OF IT APPLIED to me!
However, there came a time - when I needed to buy my strappy sandals that I'd wear on the wedding DAY. And, being a six foot woman with a size 12 shoe - makes shoe-shopping in the traditional way - NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE. Through investigation and advice seeking - I was told that DAVIDS BRIDAL was the place for me to go.
I went to their website and my heart skipped a beat as I realized you couldn't order shoes on-line. I was going to have to GO INTO THE STORE!!! I think that was the exact moment I broke out in a rash on my neck (that I'm still trying to clear up)
The first trip to DAVIDS BRIDAL was exactly the Bride-zilla Freak Show I'd imagined in my minds eye. Dainty little tanned 20-something girls with their moms and gal-pals - trying on dress after dress after dress while they squealed and giggled and tugged at the gowns. UGH!
I nearly choked as the size 0 blonde with deep dark tan and over sized silicone breasts came out from behind the curtain with a strapless number that should only be considered if you are a Bridal-Themed STRIPPER. As I attempted to slide my size 12 into a size 11 SHE attempted to hold the dress up as her breasts begged to fall out the front. And, her equally blonde gal-pal squealed with excitement as they both agreed "THIS IS THE ONE!!"
I shook my head in disgust as I tried to envision the poor young guy that was to be her groom.
When I emerged from the Bridal dungeon into the bright Carolina sunshine, I grimaced at the thought of this particular Bridal shop being named after a MAN. It made me wonder if the Davids Bridal inventor-guy got together with the ill-fitting BRA-guy and the stiletto high-heel guy and they all plotted ways to SCREW WITH THE MINDS OF WOMEN!!
Mission accomplished.
A mere two days after the Bridal Shop nightmare - I was searching for a florist to provide the very simple floral needs for our wedding DAY. Our color-scheme is chocolate and orange with a hint of ivory as a compliment color. I had a very specific vision in my head. Again, simple and under-stated...yet, a bit whimsical. With that in mind, I began interviewing perspective floral specialists.
Our vision was to have the orange Gerber daisy be a focal point in our simple arrangements. None of the women I spoke to seemed to have a problem with that - until I called the local shop and TODD answered the phone. After describing to him what our choices were - he tersely told me that, "We don't use Gerber daisy's for wedding arrangements"
Me: "Why is that? Are they a difficult flower to work with?" I wondered
Him: "No, it's not that...we just don't use that flower at ALL for wedding arrangements"
Again, I pressed him for a reason and he sighed as he said, "Well, we are a very high-end provider and we would only consider using that flower for smaller events, possibly an afternoon event or luncheon."
Me: "You mean, like my 50 person afternoon outdoor luncheon reception?"
Him: SILENCE
Me: "So, let me get this straight - If the BRIDE who is PAYING you requests orange Gerber daisy's you would refuse to work with her?"
Him: "Again, we really only work with luxurious arrangements....." BLAH, BLAH, BLAH
At some point during his rambling message I interrupted him - "Yea, Yea, I get it - we're too small and not classy enough for you to work with....have a nice day"
CLICK
The Wedding Day planning is nearing a close and all-in-all the process has been relatively painless. However, I do find it curious that the only two un-plesant experiences I've had included Men.......
I'm just saying.....................

The SECRET Society

April 2008

Until a mere four months ago - I was the Founding Czar of the

SISTERS-IN-SINGLEHOOD.

Although I've had to relinquish my supreme position in the 'Organization' since getting engaged to the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN.... I feel quite certain that my connectivity will remain constant. In my heart, I'll always be the strong, single woman that championed through years of LIFE while pole-vaulting over obstacles along the way.

I don't know about OTHER women - but, I don't feel any different just because I have a (LOVELY) ring on my finger, indicating that I'll soon MARRY the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN.

I'm still the outspoken, irreverent and slightly non-'P.C.' person that has snow-plowed through life up until meeting a wonderful man. A man, who endures my verbal diatribes that flow freely, as I tackle life, politics and day-to-day issues that get me 'worked' up. He listens patiently while frequently adding his own softer, gentler comments.

Even though I don't feel any different - it's AMAZING how everyone around me is treating me like I've crossed over into a SECRET SOCIETY. I'm curious, does a NEWSLETTER go out, when a woman gets engaged??? I mean, is there some silent signal...like a DOG WHISTLE that is sounded and everyone gathers together to WELCOME ANOTHER MEMBER to the 'wonderful-world-of-MARRIEDS' ?

The engagement ring goes on - and people that would've passed -me- by- in the past - NOW, grab my left hand and ask details about the 'wedding planning'. NO ONE cared about the details of my single life....no one asked me about how I spent my weekends, fed myself or seemed to care at ALL about how I navigated through LIFE prior to 'the rock'.

Now, folks I don't even know are congratulating me, giving me un-solicited advice and sharing details about THEIR marriage.

I've had more than a handful of people comment on my 'GLOW'.

• "Love looks good on you, you're glowing!"


• "Your skin looks lovely, you glow like a bride-to-be"
  

Hey - NEWSFLASH folks - I'm not GLOWING...I changed moisturizers about six months ago - and apparently, it's WORKING!!

Even a couple of my Alzheimer's residents have weighed in. Seriously, they can't remember the day of the week, the DECADE or what they ate for lunch....but, they actually remember that I'm getting married. One lady, who 'babbles inaudibly' 85% of the time - speaks VERY CLEARLY when she sees me and comments, "Oh, you look amazing. Your skin is so fresh, you are excited to be getting married".

The first time she did that, I was amazed and mystified. Rarely can she put a full sentence together yet alone a comprehensive thought. However - somehow MAGICALLY - my pending Nuptials have shifted molecules in her brain. I may have un-wittingly stumbled across a new Alzheimer's disease intervention - that triggers the short-term memory synapses. WEDDING PLANNING & GETTING MARRIED.

Good gracious, that is a truly potent elixir.

Another indicator that I'd 'crossed over' into the formerly elusive - SECRET SOCIETY - was when I was on the phone with my insurance agent. During the conversation I indicated my pending Nuptials. After he congratulated me with the enthusiasm and vigor that I would only use when congratulating a Nobel Peace Prize winner - he informed me that I should call him back after the 'blessed day' to make the appropriate adjustments to my SINGLE-GAL policy. He then shared the secret info. with me about how my policy rate will be cheaper once I'm MARRIED!

"Really?" I remarked. "My car insurance will be less now that I've partnered up with another auto driver, in good standing?"

He chuckled. I scratched my head as I silently wondered about all the additional FINANCIAL WINDFALLS that I may encounter - simply because I say "I DO".

Well, I didn't have to wait long because a couple of days later - I called my cell phone provider to get a status check on my contract. During that call while speaking to the helpful phone operator in Bangladesh - I mentioned I'd be having an address change shortly because I was getting married.

She vigorously congratulated me and instantly gave me 100 free extra 'anytime' minutes as a 'GIFT' from the cell phone company. I was dazzled and bewildered. I mean - why hadn't anyone given me FREE STUFF when I was terminally single and UN-EMPLOYED???? Good gracious, I couldn't even get a call back - let alone FREE MERCHANDISE a mere Year ago.

I graciously thanked her for that generous 'GIFT' and wished her a "good evening" as I attempted to hang up the phone. To which, she corrected me that it was (Tomorrow) morning where she was. An instant dose of 'modern-day -out-sourcing reality'. I had sooooooooo many Un-PC things I wanted to utter - but, held my tongue. Hell, she'd just given me 100 free 'anytime' minutes.

As the wedding date approaches at warped speed - I am left to ponder the odd irony of my situation. Although, I am convinced I am still the same person NOW that I was a mere YEAR ago...

I am constantly reminded about how much better my skin looks, how much cheaper things are and how much nicer (and nosier) everyone is when they hear you are on the Brink of being Married. If I knew all these perks came along with the position - I may have APPLIED years ago.

However, the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN is always quick to tell me that it was my Glowing personality, intelligence and sense of humor that drew him to me - when I was SINGLE!

Thank goodness he realizes that I'm still the same person - regardless of which group in society claims me as their own.

Wedding Planning My Way!

February, 2008

Life has been moving at warped speed since the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN proposed marriage to me on December 7th, 2007.

STEP ONE - setting the date.

The SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN & I aren't young kids. At the time of the proposal - we were BOTH nestled nicely in our 30s. However, in January - I crossed over the horizon of the 'New 30'.
Along with our 'advanced' age - this is a first marriage for both of us... and we agreed that we didn't need a long engagement.

We agreed on a lot. The wedding would be in North Carolina, it would be small (family only), it would be in a Church and it would NOT be in the summer months.

With those parameters in mind....I called the Church.

I had been attending St. Peter's since I moved to Charlotte in December of 2006. I had officially joined the parish in August 2007 and was a loyal Sunday worshiper. However, because I hadn't been a 'contributing' (registered) member for a full year - The VOICE on the other end of the phone told me I was going to be charged $300 for the privledge of walking down their isle.

"Hmmmm, let the 'games' begin"...I thought.

I was prepared for wedding planners, cake decorators and venue managers to SCREW me with their costs - However, I wasn't prepared for my place of worship to SCREW me!

The VOICE proceeded to prattle off additional costs....$200 for the organ player, $200 for the church-appointed wedding planner, $99 for the mandatory marriage workshop and a suggested stipen of no less than $100 for the priest who makes it official. I swallowed hard....

This was my first investigative wedding planning phone call - and the price tag already had reached $1,000. God Bless America!

After The VOICE dumped the financial garbage on me - she then informed me that the church was "booked until September." "Really?" I squeaked. (we didn't want to wait nine months)

After a few more minutes of gentle prodding - I got her to flip through the Wedding Book to check for earlier options. I could hear the pages turning as she searched for another open date. "Nope, " she muttered - "we are all booked throuth September." (pregnant pause)..... "Except......"

I held my breath

"There is one date available.....Eleven in the morning on May 17th."

My heart skipped a beat and a warm flush came over me. It was like a SIGN FROM ABOVE.

That date - May 17, 2008 was the SOUTHERN GENTLEMANS parents 46th wedding anniversary. And, it was a mere two days after MY parents 54th wedding anniversary.

That weekend had a powerful place in our hearts. And, that was the ONLY DATE available between December 2007 and September 2008? I felt certain, it was a sign.

"We'll take it!!" I screeched.

It was official - the date was set.

STEP TWO - the details.

After that phone call - I became a woman-on-a-mission to plan OUR wedding day with a casual elegance that would define our style. The SOUTHERN GENT & I have NOT fallen prey to what the industry 'professionals' tell the masses they MUST have to get married.

In our wedding performance - The groom is wearing a suit, the bride is wearing an ivory colored gown from Nordstrom dot com that came in the mail and fit right the first time. We're having a luncheon reception with several unique elements including cupcakes instead of a traditional wedding cake.

We'll be surrounded by loved ones that have supported us throughout our lives. It will be intimate and better yet - the whole day will reflect who we are as a couple.

We are approximately three months from our wedding date - and all the major components are already in place. So far, this experience has brought us closer together as a couple. If I could impart any wisdom on my fellow Brides-to-be.....it would be this: don't follow the rules, follow your heart.

Throw the handbook out the window and fly by the seat of your pants. Include your groom and go with your gut. It feels good - and the results are so much more personal.

Holy crap - is it possible that the former President of the Sisters-in-Singlehood is giving wedding-planning advice??

YIKES! Pigs are actually flying.

Imagine that!

We're Engaged!

December 7th, 2007

It was a Friday. After surviving another week at my job - I'd raced home to enjoy a MUCH NEEDED glass of wine.

The plan for the evening was: The SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN was coming over at 7:00 and we were going to our favorite Sushi joint. I had approximately 70 mins. to pull myself together and be ready when he walked through the door - which, if history was a guide...he'd be at least 10 mins. early.

I threw a load of laundry in the washer, kicked off my shoes, poured a glass of 2 Buck Chuck Chardonnay and headed out to the back porch. A couple of cleansing-deep -breaths later and the stress of the day was beginning to fade away. I looked at my watch - and pondered, if it was too late to cancel my sushi -date with the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. I fantasized about taking a hot bubble bath while reading my Real Simple magazine followed by my most comfy pj's and climbing into bed.

I realized that it was too late to cancel just as the phone rang. It was my sister calling from Wisconsin and we chatted for a bit too long. I transferred the laundry from the washer to the dryer and was heading to my closet to select an outfit for the evening as the phone rang again. It was my gal-pal calling from Virginia. She had some un-fortunate news to share with me which forced me to stop getting ready and focus on her words.

While she was still speaking, the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN knocked on the door. Damn - 6:55 already!

I opened the door to let him in as I quickly retreated back to the bedroom to finish dressing. Meanwhile my gal-pal continued sharing her news as the dryer buzzer was going off. LIFE was happening at a frantic pace - my peaceful moment on the porch was a distant memory already.

After nearly ten months of dating - this frenzied getting-ready-scene was not new to the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. In the past, he would calmly retreat to the sofa and patiently wait as I finished the 'process'. However, on this night - Friday, December 7th, 2007 - he was IN MY WAY!

He stood in the small apartment galley-style kitchen as I tried to move past him and fold the laundry. All the while, my dear gal-pal was on the other end of the phone. At one point, the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN attempted to help me fold the laundry which resulted in one of my sports-bras on his head while he smirked and giggled like a 9 year old boy. I suppressed a giggle myself as I gave him the silent, 'you are a weirdo' glare.

I left the kitchen and went back to the bedroom to finish getting ready. When I returned to the kitchen area, the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN was leaning against the stove, arms crossed with a quirky smirk on his face. Our eyes met and I tried to determine if he'd broken something....when my eye saw the YELLOW POST-IT NOTE attached to a small velvet bag on the counter top. Our eyes locked again.....His smile grew larger.

While still on the phone, listening to my gal-pal's emotional struggle I read the YELLOW POST-IT NOTE.

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

Check One

Yes or No

A warm 'flush' ran through my body as I looked back into the gentle blue eyes of the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. "Are you sure?" I silently mouthed the words, while still holding the telephone to my ear. He nodded his head vigorously. I ran and got a pen and check marked the box labeled YES!

We hugged and kissed as we did a crazy 'celebratory' dance. The irony of this PANTOMIME scene will forever be blazed into my brain. Ask ANYONE who has ever met me - I am one of the world's most VERBAL people. And, having to silently rejoice this momentous occasion was the epitome of irony.

At some point my dearest friend, on the other end of the phone took a pause and I shared my news: "My boyfriend has just asked me to marry him through a Post-It-Note, and I said YES!" I shrieked. She began shrieking as she shouted the news to her husband. We quickly ended the conversation and I was finally free to have the appropriate VERBAL response I was anxious to expel.

It was at this point my sweet SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN commented, "I really didn't give you much of an option."

Upon closer inspection of the Post-It-Note I realized it actually read:

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

Check One

YES or YES

My heart melted all over again followed by more hugging, kissing and dancing.

It's official - The Founding President of the Universal -Order -of -SISTERS in SINGLEHOOD and the Southern Gentleman are ENGAGED!!!

The next chapter of my life begins......

Is ANYONE accountable anymore?

November, 2007

As I creep towards closing out my 30s I have to stop and ponder -
HAS THE WHOLE WORLD LOST ITS MIND?????

And, I'm not even talking about War, Famine, Natural Disaster, Politics and the fascination with Reality TV.

I'm curious - when and where did we lose sight of PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY? And, the satisfaction of a JOB-WELL-DONE?

What happened to these basic principles? Seriously....when did the idea of holding someone accountable for their own actions get sucked into the VORTEX of Lost Values? Anyone?? Anyone? (Bueller?)

For those 'observers' who know me well and have followed the roller-coaster ride, that is my daily life.... it's been stated, that I have the "worst luck" of most people.

I suppose that could be true. Admittedly, things have happened in my 30-something years on earth that don't historically occur to the 'average' person.

The Emergency -Airplane -landing -of -2000 at LaGuardia (pre -terrorist attacks), the Escape-from-New York-Moving-truck-nightmare, The Multiple-surgeries and Loss-of-Jobs. (refer to previous BLOG entries for details)

Don't even GET ME STARTED on why Christmas -is- a -Nightmare - there are too many stories/reasons for that one....

So, yes - I've earned the right to possibly proclaim I am one of the worlds un-luckiest people - However, I choose to look at it much differently. I choose NOT to be a victim. I choose NOT to wallow-in-self-pity (except for a few days a month). I choose to be em-powered by those misfortunes and use them to propel me to another level of maturation.

On Saturday September 8th, I left my apartment and planned to drive to work for a couple hours. As I descended the stairs of my second story dwelling I quickly noticed that the windshield of my car was shattered.

Odd, considering I'd parked my car the evening before at 6:30 and hadn't driven it again. Instinctively, I looked up - to see if anything had fallen from 'above' and broken the windshield. I looked around the car, inspecting for foreign objects that may have caused the damage. But, alas - I saw nothing.

After multiple phone calls... to my boss, my insurance agent and an auto glass specialist. I begrudgingly conceded to having Yet - ANOTHER unexpected financial expenditure. The $246 bill was certainly not welcome to my already-anemic bank-account.

About a week later, as I returned from the gym, I was greeted by the 20-something-gel-haired-pretty-boy that lives in the apartment downstairs. In a flurry of words, he recounted the details of how he broke my windshield. He had been throwing the football around with the neighbor boys (ages 6 & 8) and - 'Pretty-Boy' had thrown the pass that connected with the windshield, instantly shattering it. After he instructed the youngsters not to say anything - all three 'boys' scattered. However, apparently - the guilt of the younger boys finally consumed them - they told their mother - she told the apartment manager and the apartment manager suggested that 'Pretty-Boy' come clean.

It is now November. 'Pretty-Boy' has given the apartment management his 'notice' and is planning to move out next week. He's admitted to financial hardship. He's sold his 'too-big-SUV' and is planning to move in with a female friend in another part of the City. And, you guessed it - I've yet to be fully PAID FOR MY DAMAGES!


Recently, I was on a work-related-shopping-excursion to a local Big-Box store. While in aisle 8, as I reached for a glass bowl on a higher shelf my arm brushed up against a non-attached metal rod that fell from its perch. As it 'lanced' my right ear - blood began flowing freely.

After self-medicating the ear with a wet wad of paper towels from the Big Box bathroom - I went to customer service to report the 'errant metal rod' that had pierced my ear. Thanks to the bloody paper towel I was clutching - a company 'First Responder' appeared with a First-Aid kit. As she probed me about the details of the incident - she made many failed attempts to put the 'rubber gloves' on. As she continued to struggle....the 'hounds-tooth-coat-wearing' manager appeared out of nowhere. She too, asked me to recount the 'lancing' details as 'First Responder' still struggled with the gloves.

Moments later - another couple of 'managers-with-clip-boards' appeared. After giving the details for a THIRD time - I realized that.... not one of the 'numble-nutted' employees had asked me my name or any other pertinent information about me.

'First Responder' finally got the Rubik's-cube-related-gloves on her pudgy fingers as the 'gaggle-of-incompetent-managers' sauntered away, in a quest to find the metal rod in aisle 8. Before they got out of ear-shot - 'First Responder' reminded them, "you should all put on rubber gloves. Some of her blood may have gotten on the piece of metal."

I stared at this circle of cartoon characters with my mouth agape. I would've laughed out loud at the sheer lunacy that so many incompetent people could be in one location at the same time - if my EAR wasn't bleeding and throbbing so bad.

As a former YMCA First Responder myself, I was perplexed how this ' Yellow-Smiley-face-themed-Big-Box' didn't seem to have an EMERGENCY PREPAREDNESS PLAN. Or, if they did... this hapless group of folks - certainly needed to be Re-Trained!!

'First Responder' turned her attention back to me - she took the bloody paper towel wad from me and handed me a 1/2 inch by 1/2 inch square of gauze. From my seated position, I stared up at her in sheer amazement. "Do you have any antiseptic in that First Aid kit?" I inquired. After a quick search, she told me she did not. When I asked for a band-aid - I was told she didn't have any of those either.

"Wow", I proclaimed out loud - "your First Aid Kit Sucks, doesn't it?"

Later on, when I recounted this story to the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN, he pointed out the irony of the First Aid Kit. "Ah, couldn't she just go to aisle three and gather all the stuff she'd actually need for a First Aide Kit?"

One would think so, wouldn't they?????

Fed up with the overwhelming lack of competence, I excused myself from the 'First Responder'. "Are you sure? I can put some water on the gauze pad, if you like," she offered.

"No, that's okay," I mumbled. "I work at a health care facility, I'll just have one of the nurses look at me."

And with that proclamation- I stood up and left the Big Box. Amazed at the thought that not ONE PERSON had gotten my name or any information about me. For a brief second, I fantasized about the law-suit that I could win and by this time next year, I'd OWN this BIG BOX.

However, that fantasy was short- lived because by the time I returned to work....I was greeted by two employees in a shouting match in the front lobby. Another fire to put out - no time to worry about my ear-dilemma.

No accountability, no pride in good work - The VORTEX of Lost Values - continues to consume it's victims.

I choose NOT TO BE A VICTIM!

Daily Miracles

October, 2007

I witness miracles.

As the rest of the world is drowning in debt, hurrying from one activity to another, whizzing through their lives in a blur of confusion and living in a bubble that surrounds their personal space.... I am a witness to daily doses of reality that slap me in the face with such force that sometimes I lose my breath.

Every day, I deal with:

• A Lawyer who testified before Congress regarding Social Security
• A Merchant marine who worked as an engineer for the Port Authority of New York
• A Bank Vice President
• An Insurance Under-writer
• A female pilot
• A High school principal
• A Librarian from the NY Public Library

I consider these people my friends.

I am an Activity Director -
Oh, I'm sorry - The marketing 'professionals' at our Corporate offices have had endless meetings around a huge mahogany table - and now DEMAND that we refer to ourselves as:
LIFE ENRICHMENT SPECIALISTS.

I am a Life Enrichment Specialist at a secured (locked) Memory Support facility that houses approximately 35 residents in various stages of Alzheimer's disease and/or other forms of Dementia. The folks listed above - are some of my residents.

I consider these people my friends.

Every morning, I punch the numbers on the key pad to unlock the doors and enter the building. As the door opens, a 'clicking' sound is made. The 'click' resonates through the downstairs living area, signifying to the residents that someone is entering their space.

As I cross the threshold, it is rare for me to get more than a few feet inside before one of my 'friends' proclaims: "There she is," "What's cooking-good looking?" "So, what's going on today?" "There you are, where have you been?"

Every day the same thing -

Not many of them remember my name, in fact most of them think I live in the facility with them. They don't understand that I am a 'worker'. They can't explain much about me at all - However....they do know one thing - THEY LIKE ME.

If this scenario sounds like gloom & doom - THINK AGAIN. Every day I am witness to amazing 'moments'. Bill reading from a magazine. Elda folding laundry. Millie singing every word to a familiar old tune and Ila May playing the piano. The disease is slowly robbing them of their brain-matter.....therefore, these windows-of-opportunity are truly miracles.

I consider these people my friends.

I am the lucky one.
I laugh more times during the day than 'work-law' should allow. I get so many hugs and kisses that a 'typical' HR department would have a head-ache. Nearly every day someone tells me they love me. They call me sweetie and honey. Dale tells me I'm pretty and Vernon holds my hand.

Although 'Enriching their Lives' is my responsibility - I'm usually on the receiving end of the Life Enrichment. They may not remember my name. They may not remember what we did a mere 10 minutes ago. Sometimes they repeat the same stories over and over and over. However, I'm a better person for knowing them.

I consider these people my friends.

Lessons Learned

October, 2007

Although I've met the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN, I still consider myself Grand Chairwoman of the Universal Order of SISTERS in SINGLEHOOD.

After finally landing back in the world-of-work, I'm feeling energized by the steady (albeit small) paycheck. I'm getting back into my work-out routine and slowly emerging from the 15 month haze of un-easiness (AKA - unemployment).

I'm starting to feel like my 'old' self. However, my 'old' self is a newer and improved version.

I spent YEARS chasing the career dream. I moved around the country submerged myself in details and schedules and never hesitated to work long hours, weekends and holidays. I used to 'scoff' at my co-workers who would leave work early because they had 'family commitments'.

I pitied them. I thought they were 'slackers' who used family excuses to get out of doing a full days work.

Looking back, I still think some of those folks were legitimate 'slackers'. However, I've also learned some very valuable lessons over the last 15 months. Lessons, I wouldn't have been 'open' to absorbing, if it weren't for the unemployment journey I was FORCED into.

I've learned that - making a decent salary and living a comfortable lifestyle can be taken away in an 'unexpected instant'. NOTHING is for sure. So, why not enjoy the ride?

For the FIRST TIME in my life, I'm actually working a 40 (ish) hour work-week. Those extra 20 hours a week which I previously spent at the 'office' are now spent doing OTHER things that enrich my existence. I spend superior quality time with my aging parents and have maintained very important and solid relationships with valuable friends all over the country.

I'm eating healthier. During unemployment, it was out of necessity. I couldn't AFFORD to dine out and therefore bought groceries and made 'dishes' at home. During this phase, I realized that not only was this new dining routine economical but, the process of preparing the meal was therapeutic, relaxing and enjoyable.

I don't 'save the good stuff' anymore. During job-less-ness, as I spent more time at home alone with myself - I realized that over the years I had amassed nice things. Nice dishes, nice clothes, nice candles, perfumes, towels and 'things'. However, I wasn't USING any of these 'things'.

Maybe it was because now I was home every day and had time to actually do an inventory of my belongings and discovered many things that weren't being used. So, I began using them daily.

Now, I drink wine (albeit in-expensive) out of my nicest long stemmed glasses. I eat off my best plates by candle light with cloth napkins. And, YES - prior to the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN I was doing this ALL ALONE. No excuses.

I was enjoying MY SELF and MY STUFF!

The biggest, most noteable difference in the NEW VERSION of my former self has been the addition of the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN.

When he entered my life I was in the ninth month of the job-less journey and felt like I was drowning daily. Rejections were coming my way in the form of letters, e-mails and phone calls at a steady pace. The one thing that had 'identified' me for my entire adult life had been stripped away and I felt completely exposed and out- of- sorts.

I remember one night, early in our getting-to-know-you phase, when I was regailing the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN with stories from my 'previous life.' In an effort to comfort my own insecurities, I proclaimed - "I used to be somebody!"

He tilted his head to the side while looking me directly in the eyes with his soft southern accent he assured me, "You already ARE somebody baby."

And, the funny thing is - He may just be right.

Back Amongst my PEOPLE

October, 2007

It's been nearly a month since I re-entered the wonderful world of 'WORK'.

If you question my enthusiasm for being back - try being Un-employed for 15 months!
Try living with no steady income or paycheck - and, you'll see how FREAKING excited you are to work again!

It feels GREAT to have somewhere to be every day. The fact that I've taken a $25 thousand dollar pay cut from my previous employment, barely bothers me anymore.

Punching a CLOCK every day to get in and out of the building combined with punching again for the half hour lunch break (which I have yet to really accomplish properly) has been a bit of a struggle. But, again - NOT COMPLAINING!!! (just adjusting).

I am back in the health care industry, working with senior adults with Alzheimer's disease. I have, ONCE AGAIN, re-invented myself. And, most importantly - I'm BACK AMONGST MY PEOPLE!!!!!

The first 10 years of my career was spent as a broadcast journalist. However, after the attacks of 9-11, I left New York and returned home to Milwaukee. In January 2002, I entered the health care industry and in a mere five years had established myself in management as a program and business development professional. The career took yet another twist when I was offered, what seemed like, a super opportunity as a Marketing & Public Relations Director for an up-start company. The HUGE pay increase was the deciding factor that led me away from the health care industry at that time.

However, like most things that are too good to be true- the up-start fell on hard times and eliminated my position.

This BLOG started as my outlet - to vent, as I began the journey of looking for work. Never, in a million years, did I expect the job hunt to last 15 months! This BLOG catalogues many of the crazy interview and job hunting stories....however, I have so many more, that a book is certainly a possibility. I've had many folks pledge their support while encouraging me that my story is worth telling. Stay tuned for details.

In the meantime, I'm having a FABULOUS time getting to know my new residents. In less than a month, I've inherited nearly 33 new friends that make me laugh every day. I've been witness to many lovely moments, that will forever be in my minds-eye.

Ila May can't remember what she did 15 minutes ago, yet she can play the piano with such melodic precision, you'd swear she was preparing for a concert at Carnegie Hall.

J.J. is a lovely woman from Florida, who repeats her stories several times a day, however has a sense of humor that rivals many paid professional comedians.

Vernon, just turned 93 and is in the middle stages of Alzheimer's disease, yet he sweeps the floors, helps me push the cart and is more active than most men in their 30s. He's amazing.

It was a long road to get here and I'm quite sure my professional journey is LONG from being over - however, I am so pleased to have landed back AMONGST MY PEOPLE.

I am a better person for knowing each and every one of them. They may not remember my name or even remember who I am (most of the time) - however, they laugh at my jokes, they hug and kiss me and WALTER tells me he loves me, every day.

I am blessed!

Where is the REAL advice?

August 2007

You often hear the saying: Job hunting is a FULL time job

I believe, the folks that make that PROCLAMATION - Have NEVER actually looked for a job. More importantly - they probably were never UN-employed while they looked for FULL time employment. Sure- looking for work is a FULL time job, if you are looking for work while working.

However, when you are completely UN-employed while looking for work, thinking about work, interviewing for work and anxiously waiting to hear back about work .......

It is a 24-7 UN-employment lifestyle

The 'Career' & 'Life' Coaches offer job seekers - resume and cover letter construction advice. Their information will motivate job seekers to use Times Roman type face and keep sentences brief. Blah, Blah, Blah....

What about REAL advice? Advice that is a bit more pertinent to the Un-employment PREDICAMENT....

Advice like:

• How to be perky and coherent during an interview after crying for 36 hours straight because of the six rejection letters you received the week before.


• How to stop shuddering as you drive 45 miles to an interview for a $9 an hour job..all the while wondering if you have enough GAS money for the ride home.


• How to stay focused during a TWO hour phone interview - as you silently wonder if you can afford all the 'overage' charges you'll receive on your next cell phone bill.


• How to budget for the staples of 'life' like food and shelter as you drain your savings account paying for resume paper, printer cartridges, thank-you cards, postage fees and networking lunches.

These are only a few examples of the actual day-to-day living stresses of the Job Seeker. Why don't the 'Career' & 'Life' coaches ever guide you through these dilemmas? I'm sure addressing the Real -Life -issues of the Un-employed isn't very sexy...however, it would certainly be more useful.

Just a thought.

She WORKS again!

August 23, 2007



After more than 14 months of unemployment and under-employment - I've finally been offered a JOB!!!

What an amazing, exhausting and wild journey this has been.

This BLOG has served as an outlet for my frustrations as I navigated through the job hunting process. Nasty hiring managers, unprofessional recruiters and crazy interviews were some of the high points.

I remember the day, I was told my job was being 'eliminated' like it was yesterday. In actuality - it was April 28th, 2006.

I had major female surgery the month before on March 27th. The Doctor told me, I needed six weeks to recover. My employer was less than thrilled - and made that very clear. So, less than 24 hours after surgery, with a catheter and a pelvic morphine needle still inserted in my tender body - I made a work-related phone call from my hospital bed.

I was dedicated.

Once released, I continued working from my bed at home. I conducted conference calls and stayed connected to the business operations. In addition, I told my employer that I planned to return in the fifth week of my medical leave.

On Wednesday April 26th - At 10:30 am - I had a conference call with my boss and office assistant. I updated them on all the details I'd been coordinating. At 1:00 pm that same day - I spoke to a Public Relations class at Marquette University and shared details with the students about my role with my company. I encouraged them to stay focused and persevere through the crazy world of PR.

Little did I know, what fate had in store for me.

Later that day, I got another call from my boss. He insisted I meet him on Friday at 2:00pm. I reminded him that I would be in the office on Monday - however, he persisted....saying that it was "imperative" we talk before then.

We met a local bar/restaurant - and within 15 minutes of sitting down he said, "Ellen, it's not necessary for you to return to work. We are eliminating your position."

I was eliminated in a crowded bar on a Friday afternoon in the fourth week of my six week medical leave of absence. Classy.

They stopped paying me on June 1st.

In the last 14 months - I've served on various committees and professional group boards. I have volunteered my time and done pro-bono work. Ironically - I couldn't land a FULL time PAYING job however, EVERYONE wanted a piece of me, when it came to non-paying opportunities. Imagine that.

I have interviewing horror stories that would fill volumes of books. And sadly, I've met many many many other under-employed professionals along the way. I became the un-official Spokesperson of the 'EMPLOYMENT CHALLENGED'.

Last week I had an executive recruiter tell me that she thought one of the reasons I hadn't found work was because my portfolio was in a green binder instead of Blue or Black.

"Really?" I wondered aloud. Crazy me - and I was convinced that the material INSIDE the portfolio was the imperative information. What did I know?

This week, I had THREE job interviews on Tuesday. My alarm went off at 5:30 am and I set out to drive the 44 miles to the first potential opportunity.

Job opportunity #1 - I had made it to the final three candidates. This interview extravaganza lasted FOUR and a HALF hours. Good gracious, I wasn't applying for the CEO position! However, the people were great and I felt confident I could fit in with their culture.

I arrived home after the marathon (AKA - first interview) and had 45 minutes to re-group before I had to shift gears for the next interview.

Job opportunity #2 - I drove to the Retirement Community campus a mere five miles from my apartment. My potential boss gave me a hearty greeting with an even heartier handshake. She admitted she had mis-placed my resume and when I offered her my 'flash' drive so that we could re-print another copy, she said it wasn't necessary. She immediately kicked off her shoes as she sat cross-legged in her over-sized office chair. I LOVED her instantly.

Job opportunity #3 - isn't even important.

Because thankfully, #2 is my new professional HOME.

I am proud and excited to be back in the Senior living industry. I am even more thrilled that I will be back where I belong - working with clients with Alzheimer's & Dementia.

The last 14 months have been a struggle. However, probably the greatest learning experience of my life.

I've also added a special Southern Gentleman to my world. I'm quite convinced someone much 'higher' than me, had a distinct plan in mind when he brought us together.

Stay tuned for further details from the wonderful world of my EMPLOYMENT!

Something tells me - the best is yet to come!

A Visit to the Big Box

August, 2007

I miss shopping. I miss mini-excursions to my favorite spots. I long for the colors, smells and sounds of Retail Therapy! I yearn for the feeling that a super-shopper (like, my former self) gets when they land on a sale - and stumble on big bargains.

As my Under-employment 'stint' DRAGS on.....I've had to make many, many, many lifestyle adjustments in an effort to NOT be homeless.

(The lack of )Retail therapy - has been the hardest adjustment of all. In my working days, a quick trip to a bright and shiny BIG BOX would lift my spirits and ease my anxiety after a long day at the office. I could feel the tension slowly draining from my body as I crossed the threshold and entered the BOX.

The tension release would continue as I gently 'fingered' the merchandise on the over-stocked shelves. The 'RUSH' of the purchase....was like a 'high' that I'd never known before. It felt GOOD to have expendable cash that could be used to purchase non-essential products!!!!

Those days are gone!

Now, I'm limited to only venturing into the BIG BOX for the bare necessities. And, typically that 'venture' only happens - when I'm armed with coupons to support the mission. I carry a list and stick to that list - in an effort to have enough money to pay rent!

The agony of pinching every penny takes a bit of the 'RUSH' out of the BIG BOX experience for me - these days. And, although my trips to the BIG BOX are few and far between....I've noticed some 'glitches' in the system - at some of my favorite shopping haunts.

Recently, I went to the shiny (RED) themed location. Grabbed the shiny (RED) shopping cart, pulled out my list and began the trip down the slick and well polished aisle. On this particular day, I moved quickly. The idea of lingering and looking at all the products I have no 'business' buying right now - was like a cruel joke.

It was the middle of the day on a Thursday and the giant store had seemed relatively vacant as I made my way through the merchandise. However, as I pushed my cart towards the check-out lanes, it quickly became apparent that the other 55 shoppers in the store were also checking out at the same time.

I was able to quickly asses that the TWO employees at the TWO open check-out lanes were certainly not going to efficiently handle the sudden surge of customers trying to pay for purchases. From my place at the end of the line, I could clearly see beads of sweat streaming down the nearly pre-pubescent teens faces as they cursed the day their parents made them get a summer job.

I marveled, as other employees donned in RED shirts and TAN pants, strolled pass the Check-out-Scene...with no intention of assisting. One young employee rolled her eyes as she observed the chaos then, squeezed between me and the woman with the baby stroller. The BIG BOX employee never broke stride as she passed between us.

I laughed out loud at the lunacy. By this time a slight murmur was rumbling through the impatient shoppers. Moms with crying kids, professionals on their lunch break, a couple of fire-fighters and a tattooed teen .....were getting restless.

At some point, a middle-aged-nervous woman with glasses emerged. Her RED shirt was tucked tightly into her TAN pants. Apparently, she was some-sort of manager because she began hissing into a head-set-style- communication device, imploring "all available associates" to come to the front check-out.

She resembled a secret service agent that was trying to maintain composure while protecting the President. After three urgent pleas for support - a few Red-shirted employees appeared from the bowels of the BIG BOX. And, despite the growing swell of angered shoppers, the additional employees seemed to move in SLOW MOTION.

I stood in utter amazement as I watched the scene unfold. Middle-aged-nervous-glasses- lady began directing customers to the newly opened lanes. In my case, she began unloading the contents of my basket, in an effort to get my 'stuff' on the black conveyor belt faster.

I turned to her as she grabbed my toilet paper and placed it on the belt. "I'm not the one that needs to move faster," I smiled.

I doubt she heard me, because in a flash - she moved to the next aisle and was unloading the contents of another unsuspecting shopper.

The thought that a sudden surge in shoppers checking out at the local BIG BOX - creates a near-riot condition - is a MIND-NUMBING concept for me.

I continue to marvel how service is increasingly crappy, employees are grossly unqualified and management is re-active instead of pro-active - at ALL LEVELS of industry. This is not just a BIG BOX phenomenon. No one can solve a problem or take pride in their work. God forbid if someone has a forward-thinking thought or idea that streamlines productivity.

Good gracious.

And, I'M getting turned down for jobs? Un-freaking believable!

Hurry Up & Wait......

August, 2007


As my prolonged state of Under-employment continues to DRAG on and on and on.....
I've begun to notice an interesting phenomenon.

The job hunting process is one Gi-normous game of HURRY UP & WAIT.

The rules of the game are simple.

• The folks doing the hiring have all the power and the people searching for a job have none.
• The folks doing the hiring expect full compliance with quick turn-around times and the people searching for a job must accommodate.
• The game continues for an in-definite period of time while the people searching for a job follow the rules and receive nothing in return.
• The stars of the universe need to align with the constellations during the Harvest-Moon OR your father (or any relative) owns the Company.
• THEN and only Then -will the game of HURRY UP & WAIT end with the person searching for a job - actually getting hired.

During a phone interview for a Manager position with a prestigious law firm... the hiring manager (who only worked Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday) promised to follow up with me to schedule the next round of interviews. When I hadn't heard from her a week later - I called her Tuesday morning and thankfully she answered.

Ellen - "Hi Ms. X, I'm just following up with you to find out when the next interview is?"

Ms. X - "Oh, Ellen - didn't I call you? You are meeting with several of the principal partners tomorrow at 2pm. I'm so sorry, I could've sworn I called you."

Ellen (stifling the urge to scream at the top of my lungs) - "Oh, no problem Ms. X, I look forward to meeting them tomorrow at 2pm. Thanks, have a nice day."

What followed next was a whirlwind of research, shopping for the perfect Liz Claiborne suit and a restless night sleep. After the interview - AGAIN I was assured I'd be hearing from the firm to schedule the 'meet-the-team' meeting. Nearly two months passed. I had to send two e-mails of inquiry to the part time hiring manager before she responded via e-mail and told me they'd hired someone else.

I jumped through hoops. I played by the rules of job hunting etiquette. However, the stars weren't aligned. It wasn't my time to win the game, I guess.

Over the last 14 months I have travelled great distances for interviews. Hell, I travelled from Milwaukee to Chicago TWICE at lunch time for one company. And, not only didn't they offer to pay for my gas mileage...they didn't feed me either.

Friday June 29th, I left a Temp. job early and travelled over three hours to meet with a perspective employer because he said it was URGENT. He needed to fill the position quickly. Time was of the essence. Ah, I'm STILL WAITING for an offer from that job hunting excursion.

HURRY UP & WAIT.

This game is not for the faint of heart OR the meek of spirit - that's for certain.

To quote a famous 'sport beverage' ad campaign -

Is IT in you?

North meets South

August, 2007


I am a communicator.


I speak (sometimes excessively) and I write. I'm a voracious reader and therefore have an extensive vocabulary which I exercise regularly. I have been a 'talker' for as long as my memory goes back.


In third grade, on the third day of the new school year - my grouchy old teacher kept me after school because I had been talking too much that afternoon. In fact, she made me move my desk into the Cloak-room - and I had to sit in there the rest of the day. I sat in the dark and dingy coat-hanging- space amongst my classmates smelly 'stuff'. After the school bell rang and everyone headed home, I was forced to sit alone in the classroom while my grouchy old teacher did 'busy' work.


Okay, first of all - Does ANYONE remember Cloak-rooms? And, second, can you imagine the 'Johnny Cochran-sized' LAWSUIT and years of THERAPY that would be the result of such discipline in this day and age?

Gosh, how far we've come.........

ANYWAY - I digress.................

So, I'm a lifelong communicator. Therefore spending the first ten years of my professional career in the Radio Broadcasting industry was NOT a career path - it was DESTINY.

I grew up in Wisconsin and have spent time in North Carolina and New York. Heck, in New York - I rented an apartment from an old-school Italian lady on Long Island and I worked in the City. Good gracious - I battled HARD not to adopt a bridge & tunnel dialect that is VERY distinctive to anyone who has spent time in the Big Apple.

I landed back in Charlotte, North Carolina nearly eight months ago and although this region has been infiltrated by HOARDS of migrants from the Midwest, North and Western parts of the country...there is still a noticeable 'southern accent' that is standard for the natives.

I began dating the 'SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN' in March.

Almost immediately, a unique form of communication developed between the two of us. He- is a native to North Carolina. Although he doesn't have the mis-guided- stereo-typed -version of a southern accent that gets depicted in Bad made-for-tv -movies.......he most certainly has a 'drawl' that my Midwestern/New York ears are not in 'tune' with yet.

Likewise, my fast-talking -sharp -tongued- pattern of speech is most certainly a 'style' of speak that the 'SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN' is struggling to get used to.

There are times I'm looking directly at him yet he mutters some old-time -Southern- Saying that I have to wrestle in my brain to try and decipher. Inevitably, I ask him to repeat himself. "I'm sorry.....WHAT did you just say?" I wince.

"She was ridden hard and put up wet." He repeats.

For the first 3 months of our relationship, I was certain that saying referred to horse-back riding......however, I've since learned differently.

To convey the same 'type' of meaning - I would say, "She looks like she's been dragged around behind a truck for years."

The first time I used the word 'Persnickety' to describe my attention to detail - I thought the 'SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN'S' head was going to levitate off his shoulders. "What?" he bellowed. After spelling it for him and trying to describe it's meaning - he just shook his head and laughed, "Darling, you are crazy."

"Persnickety - Persnickety" I shouted - "It's a WORD!"

Recently, he described the weather conditions of a hunting expedition he'd been on years ago as; "cold as a witches titty."

Okay, are you FREAKING kidding me? I waited for banjos to start playing after he revealed THAT silly saying.

He collects Revolutionary War relics and I shop at Bloomingdale's. He drinks beer, smokes a pipe and owns a Suburban truck that his great grandfather drove on the farm. I sip martini's, listen to talk radio and would rather travel by subway. One saying we BOTH understand is:

"We may not make sense, but we DO fit together." (we invented that saying)

We are the North/South version of Ricky and Lucy. There are times I wish cameras were following us around - because when we try to communicate - we certainly are a comedy show.

I continue to marvel as to why the 'SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN' still calls me and asks me out on dates. I am a challenge. I'm sassy and very verbal. He is gentle and observant and much more mild mannered.

I'm not quite sure how THIS war of North & South will end - but, one thing is assured - Webster will need to publish the 'North/South dictionary of sayings and explanations' - so we can continue to communicate.

My Observations

July, 2007

Unexplainable Occurrences, that I've observed.......

• Sally Struthers claims we can feed the poor children in foreign countries for "pennies a day" - YET - the multi-millionaire 'princesses' in Hollywood are rail-thin anorexics. (clearly they aren't using their money for food - why don't they send it to the poor kids overseas?
• Hospitals are investing billions of dollars building Gi-normous additions and wings to their facilities - YET - nearly 50 million Americans are either Un-insured or Under-insured...(who is being treated in those shiny new spaces?)
• When are "REALITY" tv show participants going to realize that the network Executives and advertisers are making billions of dollars because they've discovered that the 'real' people will work for free just to satisfy their need for 15 mins. of fame?
• The media lusts over 'know-nothings' like Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton - YET - can anyone name the last Nobel Peace Prize winner? You know, someone who has actually DONE something with their life?
• How does 'The View' stay on the air? Is anyone really watching that silly 'hen fest'?

Have YOU noticed an Unexplainable Occurence? Let me know!

Well, I know how NOT to find a job.....

July, 2007


My week began with a phone interview on Monday afternoon. The position was a PR Specialist. I'd applied back in April and I got the call for the phone interview in July.


Hmmm, 2 1/2 month turn-around....I considered THAT a minor victory, considering the 3-5 month average response rate I'd had from the majority of previous opportunities. (good gracious, it's not BRAIN SURGERY folks)


Back in my EMPLOYED days, I'd heard rumors and rumblings about how much people HATED the hiring process. HR and upper management folks would frequently LAMENT about the candidates and the ORDEAL of it all.

newsflash! - the experience isn't too pretty from THIS SIDE of the conference table either.


Monday my phone rings promptly at 2:30 and after a brief greeting from the woman who would be my BOSS - she immediately opens with: "Before we begin, I just have to make sure we're clear on the job and it's responsibilities because, quite frankly, I think you are OVER QUALIFIED."


'Lovely.... it's sooooo comforting to be put on the DEFENSE right out of the greeting,' I thought to myself.

I resisted the urge to ask her, "then why the HELL did you call me?"

Instead, I spent the next several minutes trying to 'dumb' down my 16 years of work experience in an effort to convince her I'm NOT OVER QUALIFIED for a job.........I was clearly over qualified for.

As I hung up the phone, I felt quite sure I'd never hear from MS. INTERVIEW again.

The phone debacle that barely resembled an interview, got me thinking about the previous 13 months of job hunting...........

The hunt began back in Milwaukee in June of 2006, when my position as the Director of Marketing was eliminated.

The very first interview was with a Chicago area, National Hospital network - and imagine my 'uncomfort-able-ness' when the woman interviewing me (aka - potential BOSS) shook my hand, and before my rear-end even hit the chair she muttered: "I'm only meeting with you because the head-hunter was so fond of you. I never would have called you in for an interview - with your diverse background......"

Clearly - Neither CHARM school OR the Dale Carnegie lesson of - How to Win Friends and Influence People - are requirements for hiring managers.

Having FRIENDS run interference isn't always a guarantee of 'landing-the-gig' either. I had SIX folks on the inside of a Milwaukee -based Utility company - that was hiring for a Media/Communications position.

My TEN YEARS as a broadcast journalist combined with SIX friends already employed by the organization - made me CERTAIN I'd at least get an interview. No problem, right???

The resume deadline was October 3, 2006.

Not only did I NOT GET AN INTERVIEW....... I'd sold my condo, moved to Charlotte and been settled nearly FOUR months when the Milwaukee based Utility - finally filled the position!! Adding insult to injury - the guy they hired - was a former sports broadcast journalist (just like me).

Un-FREAKING-believable.

One 'interviewer' at a Ad Agency, cut me off in the middle of the session and escorted me to the door - even though I was scheduled to meet with two other folks within the organization. His reason for the abrupt dismissal? His words; "Ellen, I think you'd be too bored and not challenged enough in this role." Adding insult to injury - A fellow college alum had referred me to the agency, because her brother was in management there....and was looking for folks with Health Care industry experience. She thought my five years in the health care industry made me a viable candidate.

Well, think again.................

I've done EXTENSIVE reading on job hunting, closing the deal and successful interviewing practices. I follow the 'TIPS' to a tee - I research each organization and I 'GOOGLE' the person I'll be meeting. I dress to impress, I bring my portfolio and ALWAYS follow up with hand written Thank you cards.

In month two - I wrote to syndicated career columnist Joan Lloyd and not only did she publish my letter, but she provided very valuable commentary on my situation. I felt hopeful.

Fast forward several months - and still unemployed, I read another fantastic syndicated column in the Business Journal - and I wrote to that North Carolina based Author. She responded immediately and even gave me quality feedback on the resume I sent to her.

In May, still dazed and confused by my 'unemployed lifestyle' - I called Deepak Chopra and spoke to him ON-AIR during his Sirius Satellite Radio broadcast.

It had finally come to that. I needed to seek out the advice of the Modern-Day Spiritual Guidance Guru himself. He's written over 40 books on health and spirituality - including the best selling: 'Seven Spiritual Laws of Success'. Who better to offer some thought and insight to my extended unemployment, than Deepak Chopra?

And, imagine my surprise when this famed intellectual suggested I WRITE ABOUT MY EXPERIENCES.......

I laughed out loud as I explained to Deepak Chopra that I'd been doing "just that." I mentioned my BLOGGING. He applauded me for my creative out-let.

I got involved with a Charlotte based Marketing Professional group - and was quickly asked to sit on their Board of Directors. I agreed, hoping that somehow I could leverage my role with the organization into high quality networking which would result in a JOB! Six months later - I'm still patiently waiting.......

I lost out on one potential job - to a girl who had formerly babysat the kids of the lady doing the hiring. Nice. Another opportunity slipped away when the non-profit decided to promote a part-timer from the 'inside'. In another instance - A gentleman who had spent 2 1/2 hours interviewing me left me a message on my machine informing me that they'd gone with a "younger guy who had already done similar work in another state."

On April 4th, I interviewed at a Law Firm. I had 'GOOGLED' the folks I'd be meeting - and was quite proud of myself as I congratulated one of the partners for an award he'd won only weeks earlier - I immediately sensed he was impressed. I was beaming.

Only to be 'slapped into reality' when the woman who would by my BOSS opened with - "With your background as a sports reporter, what makes you think you could handle marketing lawyers and a law firm?"

Back in familiar territory - on the DEFENSE with a person who had contacted me and asked me to interview for the position. Un-FREAKING-believeable.

I guess I would understand that crazy Defense-mode -interviewing -tactic.... if I had cornered her in a dark alley at gun point and forced her to bring me in for an interview....Then - MAYBE she'd have a reason to make me uncomfortable.....

By June 12th - I hadn't heard back from the Law Firm - so, I sent an e-mail to the three folks that had interviewed me - and I received an e-mail response the next day. It read:

Ellen, Thank you for your e-mail and please excuse me for not contacting you directly. We did fill the position and our new Marketing Manager started about two weeks ago. We appreciate your interest in our firm and will keep your resume on file should our needs change.

There are folks making careers out of giving job seekers advice and tips. They charge money to confused unemployed folks - claiming to be able to find them a 'dream job'. Good lord - is there such a thing?

But, more importantly - who is writing books and articles and giving advice to the EMPLOYERS? Why isn't anyone letting them know that their hiring practices and procedures are just as important. The hiring managers are extensions of the organization - why doesn't anyone pay attention to their styles and techniques?

Call me crazy.......

(it wouldn't be the first time I heard that)

Do I HAVE to share?

July, 2007

I met the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN on Friday March 16th 2007.

That was the day I wondered into a local drinking establishment at 3:30 in the afternoon. Earlier that day, I'd received my THIRD REJECTION notice of the week. I'd been in Charlotte nearly three months, at that time, and I was still no closer to finding a job.

It was gloomy and rainy on Friday March 16th, 2007. Which matched my mood perfectly. I'd received a REJECTION phone message that week, followed by a REJECTION E-mail and on Friday March 16th, I received a REJECTION letter in the mail from Wisconsin.

The letter thanked me for taking time to interview with their organization however they were 'going with another more qualified candidate'.

Let's Re-cap - - I applied for that job in October of 2006 and I received the rejection in March of 2007. Five Months?? Are you freaking kidding me? AND - to add insult to injury -

I NEVER HAD AN INTERVIEW!!

So, thanking me for taking time to interview for a job I NEVER did get an interview for- nearly made my head IMPLODE!

I couldn't get to a BAR fast enough. UGH!

The SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN wandered in sometime between my second and third drink. The bar manager was a gal-pal of mine and she introduced us. She'd known the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN for years.

I remember thinking later - that I had verbally assaulted him most of the evening. I was filled with so much anger, venom and frustration - and I remember letting it.....ALL HANG OUT. Meanwhile, I was dressed all in black, with no make up and had been crying most of the morning. So, I CERTAINLY wasn't the most lovely girl in the joint.

Ironically, He claims to remember that night very differently. He says I didn't verbally assault him and that I looked LOVELY.

God bless his southern charm - because I KNOW I looked like a haggard, unemployed mess. But, none-the-less - he was brave enough to chat with me - and we've been CHATTING and LAUGHING ever since.

Although it's only been four months - it seems like much longer - in large part because I'm NOT working and have had a lot of time to get to know him. We have shared many getting-to-know-you experiences in a short amount of time.

As a TERMINALLY SINGLE lady - I hadn't SHARED anything with a man in many many many years. I hadn't shared my time, my thoughts my fears or ANYTHING in...... forever.

Early on, I struggled to fit the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN into my life. Hell, I'm still working on it.....Although, I think I'm getting better.

I'm used to coming, going and doing as I please. I can eat eggs for dinner and pizza for breakfast if I want. I can perform all my Secret Single Gal behavior without an audience or without having to explain what I'm doing.

Being single is GLORIOUS!

Until you meet someone who shatters all those perceptions. The SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN has infiltrated my SINGLE world.

The most notable and clear cut example of how he's RATTLED my world - has been the idea of having to SHARE 'stuff ' with him. Not just thoughts and ideas but....actual STUFF.

I'm the youngest of FIVE children in my family - and the closest sibling in age is eleven years older. I was virtually raised as an only child - and never had to worry too much about SHARING. I played with my toys watched whatever I wanted on TV and ate my own food.

Unfortunately, at the ripe old age of..... 'my late 30's' - I probably still harbor most, if not all, of those child-like tendencies. And, the only reason I KNOW this - is because now that the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN is in my life - Its a bit more OBVIOUS how SHARING is a...tight-rope challenge for me.

Nowhere is this more apparent than in the FOOD department. I've noticed, as the comfort level between us grows, so does his comfort of taking food OFF MY PLATE.

Ah, HELLO?

Anything I grab out of the fridge quickly becomes COMMUNAL property. Is that how this whole - 'Being in a couple' thing works? What's mine is yours and what's yours is mine?

UGH - I did NOT sign up for that.

I'm of the school of thought- Let's keep our HANDS and our FOOD to ourselves unless something is offered to you.

Recently, I'd had a CRAPPY day at a Temp job and he met me after work - and I offered to buy him dinner at a place nearby. No sooner had the waitress taken our drink order when he announced that he's "Not very hungry." To which I respond, "Well, that would've been nice to know before we picked the place, drove here and were SEATED..... darling."

I was famished and proceeded to order an appetizer and a hearty pasta meal. Well, Mr. NOT-SO-HUNGRY ate nearly the entire Artichoke dip and within 15 seconds of my pasta being placed on the table - he reached over with his fork and was diving into the dish.

I was doing MENTAL gymnastics as I tried to figure out how I could politely chop his hand off without getting blood in my pasta!!!!

I adore the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN - he's wonderful, kind, smart and handsome. I'm very very lucky to have him in my life - BUT - does that mean I have to share food with him until the END OF TIME??? Someone- please explain.

I carried these thoughts around with me - slowly simmering inside every time his lips wrapped around something on my plate. I felt inner turmoil and a bit of shame as I tried to wrestle with my selfishness. I quietly YEARNED for the days when I could eat, nibble and consume food products all by myself!

Until I discovered I was not alone! I innocently stumbled upon another couple that shared a similar quandary of - FOOD ENVY.

My SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN and I had travelled to visit my best friend and her husband. They've been together a long time and have two lovely children. She and I are very similar in many ways. Strong, opinionated and fiercely independent.

It had been hard to watch her walk down the isle nearly four years ago. But, the good news is - she didn't turn into a SHELL of her former self. She's remained the strong, opinionated and fiercely independent gal I love.

So, imagine my surprise when I found out that SHE and my SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN shared a common attribute. They both love to STEAL FOOD OFF THE PLATES OF THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHER.

My gal-pal and her husband provided intricate details of their FOOD ENVY.

SHE was the one in the relationship that reached for his plate, grabbed his food, sipped his drinks, nibbled his treats......I was ASTONISHED. And, secretly pleased that I was not alone in my battle to keep custody of MY FOOD.

Her husband and I boisterously plead our cases while our loved ones shouted names at us like Selfish and Greedy.

Selfish and Greedy? Is that what you call wanting to eat the food that's on my plate?

I'm not standing in front of the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN gobbling up a Thanksgiving Feast while he sits behind bars on Death Row - starving away with no hope in the universe for sustenance.

Now, THAT would be a bit selfish.

I'm not sure how this - 'BEING IN A COUPLE' - thing is going to work out...however, I will say this - since the FOOD ENVY conversation with our friends - I've been able to enjoy what's on my plate peacefully without a foreign fork or hand obstructing my path from plate to mouth.

Now, THAT'S GLORIOUS!!!