June, 2009
My life is filled with travel size things. Travel size shampoo, lotion and perfume bottles. Everything is small-sized. I've learned how to roll my clothes to avoid wrinkles while I tuck them into my increasingly worn red roller bag. I'm nearly on a first name basis with TSA agents and flight crews around the country.
My road family is ever expanding. I witness thousands of small acts of kindness during the week - as I navigate around the country at the mercy of the 'Travel gods'.
The starched business guy in Atlanta who helped several co-passengers stow their bags in the overhead compartment. The Hertz bus driver in Houston who assured me I wouldn't miss my flight. (although she was sweet - she was WRONG!)
The Three US Airways ticket agents in Houston - who tried desperately to find a way to get me on that flight as I stood in front of them with crocodile tears rolling down my cheeks. Those tears, the result of me being a weary travelling worker who logged a full 22 1/2 hour day - by the time I got home at 1:00am.
Those three ticket agents gave it the old college try and although, I still didn't make the flight and had to switch airlines, it was their compassion and suggestions that eased the unfortunate situation....just a bit.
Yes, my travel family is growing. Each week brings a new adventure in patience and fortitude...because - much like your own genetic FAMILY - you can't pick your Travel Family either. So, you just have to learn how to cope.
Although the travel is a butt-kicker....the work that I do, is rewarding and fulfilling. I continue to be an advocate for Seniors with Alzheimer's disease and other forms of dementia. I support 24 communities and I'm on a mission to train, educate and model good care-behavior to all the staff that work with that compromised population. Those Seniors don't have their voice anymore - and...luckily for them - I have a BIG VOICE.
My silent vow to those Seniors- is that they will get good care!
Recently, I was in New Jersey visiting one of the communities. Their Director was smart, savvy and full of energy. The 'Vibe' in their Dementia area - was calm, soothing and welcoming. YEA! The Residents that lived there had diverse New Jersey backgrounds.
This location had several veterans, former school teachers and a former Highway Patrolman. He survived an entire career patrolling the roads of New Jersey and now here he was, still regal and stoic and living with Alzheimer's disease. The cruelty of the disease, often takes my breath away - and I've been doing this work for over ten years. Unfortunately, it never gets easier.
On this Jersey visit, as I stood in the main living room chatting with Roxanne, the Director of Dementia, we were approached by a gentleman. His smile was quick and his handshake was strong. Roxanne introduced me to JOE and quickly mentioned that the flame red Jaguar in the parking lot belonged to him.
It was at this moment that I had but a mere second to come up with a snappy comeback.
You see, in the Wonderful-World of Alzheimer's - you truly never know where the real truth lies and the 'fuzzy-memories and confusion' begins. So, as a trained professional- I've become a PRO at just - 'being in the moment' with anyone I meet within the secured walls of a Dementia unit. Some days a wrinkled- faced -senior will stand in front of me and they are convinced that they are 20 years old and I am a distant relative who has come to visit.
And, that's okay - I 'roll-with-it'. If that's who they think I am - I do my best to just 'be-in-the-moment' with them. The theory is, to minimize the anxiety and fear that goes along with losing your memory, it's best to let the person with the impairment be who they THINK they are and let them be where they THINK they are.
So, here I stood shaking hands with JOE and being told that his red Jag was in the parking lot. I smiled and said, "Gosh, don't we ALL wish we had a red Jaguar." Roxanne piped up quickly, "No seriously, Joe has a red Jaguar, he goes out every morning for the paper and coffee."
Wow, either this was the most LIBERAL secured Dementia Unit on the East Coast or....there was another explanation.
Roxanne shared the details with me. JOE'S wife HELEN had Alzheimer's and instead of leaving her alone in this particular Dementia area, JOE had decided to move in with HELEN. "We've been married over 55 years," JOE remarked. "I'm not about to let her go now."
The lump in my throat was overpowering.
It was then, that I met HELEN. A pint-sized, lovely lady with an impish grin and amazingly bright blue eyes. Her well maintained hair was thick and white. She was a bundle of energy and a bundle of words. She was drawn to me immediately. And I realized in a split second why it would be hard to be apart from her.
First, she complimented me on my blouse. "I just love what you are wearing," she cooed. "It's a lovely color on you." I loved HELEN instantly!
She and JOE stood close to each other and spoke over one another as they both brought me 'up-to-date' on their marriage and life journey. I learned that they'd never had children, that JOE worked for the Post Master General and that their wedding ceremony was at a Roman Catholic Church near the Jersey Shore.
I Loved them BOTH!
It was time for lunch. JOE took HELEN by the hand and guided her to their appointed table. He helped her order her meal and kept the table laughing with various quips and witty comments. I was in awe of his commitment to stand by his wife through this un-holy part of their life journey.
After lunch, for some reason, still unknown to me - HELEN was drawn right back to me. She complimented me on my blouse again. And stood close as she shared with me, in great detail, a story about the children that her nephew and his wife had adopted. She was animated as she explained about the children and the various countries that they were from. I was mesmerized by her story.
JOE stood nearby, with a loving smile on his face, he nodded his head and was equally as absorbed in the story HELEN was telling. She continued givings exquisite details about the various countries the adopted children were from. "That's amazing," I said. "What countries are they from?" HELEN came up for air for a brief second as she pondered the answer.
I turned to JOE - He shook his head and muttered gently, for only MY ears to hear..."I have no idea what she's talking about."
I turned back to HELEN, who was unfazed and non-pulsed. She was back into story-telling mode....and didn't skip a beat. Again, I had to swallow hard as I tried to compose myself. JOE was so loving and so supportive - he was the MODEL spouse. Selfishly, I wanted to take him on the road with me - so that HE could help me train all the paid professionals who didn't always seem to 'GET IT' the way JOE clearly did.
My bond with JOE and HELEN only deepened as they invited me into the room that they shared. I glanced around the tidy space. One twin bed on the left side while the other twin bed was up against the window. There were cherished possessions and pictures properly placed about, playing witness to a life that was fully lived.
JOE and I sat on the bed, under the window while HELEN stood close by. She continued to speak quickly sharing super-clear details about their wedding day. JOE handed me the amazingly well-kept wedding album. We flipped through the pages and I gazed at the black and white photos of the happy, smiling and much younger version of the two seniors that were with me now.
They looked like movie stars! And, I told them so. "Oh, you can't imagine how good our photographer was," HELEN said. "JOE, what was his name again?"
I held their photo album in my hand and turned the pages gingerly as both JOE and HELEN shared stories and details about every picture. I was completely captivated.
20 minutes later, I stood to leave. HELEN thanked me for stopping by, "I know you have such a busy schedule," she commented. I looked at her...clearly she didn't know my schedule, she didn't even know what I did for a living - but, she continued to amaze me with her steady stream of clear, concise language that was surprisingly coherent sounding for someone with Alzheimer's disease.
I thanked them for the visit from the bottom of my heart. JOE turned his back for a moment and opened up a dresser drawer. "Here," he said, "please take this - you've been so kind to us, I want you to have it,"
"Yes, please, you must take it" HELEN chirped.
JOE handed over a blue fleece scarf, neatly folded, that still had the sales tag attached. "JOE, really....you don't have to give me anything," I said.
"Please, I insist. I know you are busy and you've been so kind"
"Would you like something to drink?" HELEN offered.
I reached for the scarf and clutched it to my chest. At that moment in time - it was the GREATEST GIFT anyone had ever bestowed upon me. I was near my breaking point. I'd swallowed lumps and tears all day - in an attempt to be the consummate professional. But, my eyes glazed over as I stood in their one room space filled with 55 years of treasures.
I thanked them for their kindness and their generosity. I hugged them both and promised to visit again, someday soon.
I handed the lovely blue fleece scarf to Roxanne as I prepared to leave. She tucked it into her desk drawer with the promise she'd put it back, where it belonged in JOES drawer. We both knew that by the time they discovered it - they wouldn't remember they'd passed it on to me.
As I drove to the airport to fly back home to the SOUTHERN GENT, the tears came quietly. I could only hope and pray that the GENT and I would be half the people that JOE and HELEN were. Their love and JOE'S devotion was something that half the human race is chasing. And something that even Hollywood can't completely capture on film.
Later that night, as we sat on our sofa - I shared my story about JOE and HELEN with my wonderful SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN.
We both teared up and he reached for my hand.
We've got one year in the books, here's hoping for 54 more glorious years!
