Where is the REAL advice?

August 2007

You often hear the saying: Job hunting is a FULL time job

I believe, the folks that make that PROCLAMATION - Have NEVER actually looked for a job. More importantly - they probably were never UN-employed while they looked for FULL time employment. Sure- looking for work is a FULL time job, if you are looking for work while working.

However, when you are completely UN-employed while looking for work, thinking about work, interviewing for work and anxiously waiting to hear back about work .......

It is a 24-7 UN-employment lifestyle

The 'Career' & 'Life' Coaches offer job seekers - resume and cover letter construction advice. Their information will motivate job seekers to use Times Roman type face and keep sentences brief. Blah, Blah, Blah....

What about REAL advice? Advice that is a bit more pertinent to the Un-employment PREDICAMENT....

Advice like:

• How to be perky and coherent during an interview after crying for 36 hours straight because of the six rejection letters you received the week before.


• How to stop shuddering as you drive 45 miles to an interview for a $9 an hour job..all the while wondering if you have enough GAS money for the ride home.


• How to stay focused during a TWO hour phone interview - as you silently wonder if you can afford all the 'overage' charges you'll receive on your next cell phone bill.


• How to budget for the staples of 'life' like food and shelter as you drain your savings account paying for resume paper, printer cartridges, thank-you cards, postage fees and networking lunches.

These are only a few examples of the actual day-to-day living stresses of the Job Seeker. Why don't the 'Career' & 'Life' coaches ever guide you through these dilemmas? I'm sure addressing the Real -Life -issues of the Un-employed isn't very sexy...however, it would certainly be more useful.

Just a thought.

She WORKS again!

August 23, 2007



After more than 14 months of unemployment and under-employment - I've finally been offered a JOB!!!

What an amazing, exhausting and wild journey this has been.

This BLOG has served as an outlet for my frustrations as I navigated through the job hunting process. Nasty hiring managers, unprofessional recruiters and crazy interviews were some of the high points.

I remember the day, I was told my job was being 'eliminated' like it was yesterday. In actuality - it was April 28th, 2006.

I had major female surgery the month before on March 27th. The Doctor told me, I needed six weeks to recover. My employer was less than thrilled - and made that very clear. So, less than 24 hours after surgery, with a catheter and a pelvic morphine needle still inserted in my tender body - I made a work-related phone call from my hospital bed.

I was dedicated.

Once released, I continued working from my bed at home. I conducted conference calls and stayed connected to the business operations. In addition, I told my employer that I planned to return in the fifth week of my medical leave.

On Wednesday April 26th - At 10:30 am - I had a conference call with my boss and office assistant. I updated them on all the details I'd been coordinating. At 1:00 pm that same day - I spoke to a Public Relations class at Marquette University and shared details with the students about my role with my company. I encouraged them to stay focused and persevere through the crazy world of PR.

Little did I know, what fate had in store for me.

Later that day, I got another call from my boss. He insisted I meet him on Friday at 2:00pm. I reminded him that I would be in the office on Monday - however, he persisted....saying that it was "imperative" we talk before then.

We met a local bar/restaurant - and within 15 minutes of sitting down he said, "Ellen, it's not necessary for you to return to work. We are eliminating your position."

I was eliminated in a crowded bar on a Friday afternoon in the fourth week of my six week medical leave of absence. Classy.

They stopped paying me on June 1st.

In the last 14 months - I've served on various committees and professional group boards. I have volunteered my time and done pro-bono work. Ironically - I couldn't land a FULL time PAYING job however, EVERYONE wanted a piece of me, when it came to non-paying opportunities. Imagine that.

I have interviewing horror stories that would fill volumes of books. And sadly, I've met many many many other under-employed professionals along the way. I became the un-official Spokesperson of the 'EMPLOYMENT CHALLENGED'.

Last week I had an executive recruiter tell me that she thought one of the reasons I hadn't found work was because my portfolio was in a green binder instead of Blue or Black.

"Really?" I wondered aloud. Crazy me - and I was convinced that the material INSIDE the portfolio was the imperative information. What did I know?

This week, I had THREE job interviews on Tuesday. My alarm went off at 5:30 am and I set out to drive the 44 miles to the first potential opportunity.

Job opportunity #1 - I had made it to the final three candidates. This interview extravaganza lasted FOUR and a HALF hours. Good gracious, I wasn't applying for the CEO position! However, the people were great and I felt confident I could fit in with their culture.

I arrived home after the marathon (AKA - first interview) and had 45 minutes to re-group before I had to shift gears for the next interview.

Job opportunity #2 - I drove to the Retirement Community campus a mere five miles from my apartment. My potential boss gave me a hearty greeting with an even heartier handshake. She admitted she had mis-placed my resume and when I offered her my 'flash' drive so that we could re-print another copy, she said it wasn't necessary. She immediately kicked off her shoes as she sat cross-legged in her over-sized office chair. I LOVED her instantly.

Job opportunity #3 - isn't even important.

Because thankfully, #2 is my new professional HOME.

I am proud and excited to be back in the Senior living industry. I am even more thrilled that I will be back where I belong - working with clients with Alzheimer's & Dementia.

The last 14 months have been a struggle. However, probably the greatest learning experience of my life.

I've also added a special Southern Gentleman to my world. I'm quite convinced someone much 'higher' than me, had a distinct plan in mind when he brought us together.

Stay tuned for further details from the wonderful world of my EMPLOYMENT!

Something tells me - the best is yet to come!

A Visit to the Big Box

August, 2007

I miss shopping. I miss mini-excursions to my favorite spots. I long for the colors, smells and sounds of Retail Therapy! I yearn for the feeling that a super-shopper (like, my former self) gets when they land on a sale - and stumble on big bargains.

As my Under-employment 'stint' DRAGS on.....I've had to make many, many, many lifestyle adjustments in an effort to NOT be homeless.

(The lack of )Retail therapy - has been the hardest adjustment of all. In my working days, a quick trip to a bright and shiny BIG BOX would lift my spirits and ease my anxiety after a long day at the office. I could feel the tension slowly draining from my body as I crossed the threshold and entered the BOX.

The tension release would continue as I gently 'fingered' the merchandise on the over-stocked shelves. The 'RUSH' of the purchase....was like a 'high' that I'd never known before. It felt GOOD to have expendable cash that could be used to purchase non-essential products!!!!

Those days are gone!

Now, I'm limited to only venturing into the BIG BOX for the bare necessities. And, typically that 'venture' only happens - when I'm armed with coupons to support the mission. I carry a list and stick to that list - in an effort to have enough money to pay rent!

The agony of pinching every penny takes a bit of the 'RUSH' out of the BIG BOX experience for me - these days. And, although my trips to the BIG BOX are few and far between....I've noticed some 'glitches' in the system - at some of my favorite shopping haunts.

Recently, I went to the shiny (RED) themed location. Grabbed the shiny (RED) shopping cart, pulled out my list and began the trip down the slick and well polished aisle. On this particular day, I moved quickly. The idea of lingering and looking at all the products I have no 'business' buying right now - was like a cruel joke.

It was the middle of the day on a Thursday and the giant store had seemed relatively vacant as I made my way through the merchandise. However, as I pushed my cart towards the check-out lanes, it quickly became apparent that the other 55 shoppers in the store were also checking out at the same time.

I was able to quickly asses that the TWO employees at the TWO open check-out lanes were certainly not going to efficiently handle the sudden surge of customers trying to pay for purchases. From my place at the end of the line, I could clearly see beads of sweat streaming down the nearly pre-pubescent teens faces as they cursed the day their parents made them get a summer job.

I marveled, as other employees donned in RED shirts and TAN pants, strolled pass the Check-out-Scene...with no intention of assisting. One young employee rolled her eyes as she observed the chaos then, squeezed between me and the woman with the baby stroller. The BIG BOX employee never broke stride as she passed between us.

I laughed out loud at the lunacy. By this time a slight murmur was rumbling through the impatient shoppers. Moms with crying kids, professionals on their lunch break, a couple of fire-fighters and a tattooed teen .....were getting restless.

At some point, a middle-aged-nervous woman with glasses emerged. Her RED shirt was tucked tightly into her TAN pants. Apparently, she was some-sort of manager because she began hissing into a head-set-style- communication device, imploring "all available associates" to come to the front check-out.

She resembled a secret service agent that was trying to maintain composure while protecting the President. After three urgent pleas for support - a few Red-shirted employees appeared from the bowels of the BIG BOX. And, despite the growing swell of angered shoppers, the additional employees seemed to move in SLOW MOTION.

I stood in utter amazement as I watched the scene unfold. Middle-aged-nervous-glasses- lady began directing customers to the newly opened lanes. In my case, she began unloading the contents of my basket, in an effort to get my 'stuff' on the black conveyor belt faster.

I turned to her as she grabbed my toilet paper and placed it on the belt. "I'm not the one that needs to move faster," I smiled.

I doubt she heard me, because in a flash - she moved to the next aisle and was unloading the contents of another unsuspecting shopper.

The thought that a sudden surge in shoppers checking out at the local BIG BOX - creates a near-riot condition - is a MIND-NUMBING concept for me.

I continue to marvel how service is increasingly crappy, employees are grossly unqualified and management is re-active instead of pro-active - at ALL LEVELS of industry. This is not just a BIG BOX phenomenon. No one can solve a problem or take pride in their work. God forbid if someone has a forward-thinking thought or idea that streamlines productivity.

Good gracious.

And, I'M getting turned down for jobs? Un-freaking believable!

Hurry Up & Wait......

August, 2007


As my prolonged state of Under-employment continues to DRAG on and on and on.....
I've begun to notice an interesting phenomenon.

The job hunting process is one Gi-normous game of HURRY UP & WAIT.

The rules of the game are simple.

• The folks doing the hiring have all the power and the people searching for a job have none.
• The folks doing the hiring expect full compliance with quick turn-around times and the people searching for a job must accommodate.
• The game continues for an in-definite period of time while the people searching for a job follow the rules and receive nothing in return.
• The stars of the universe need to align with the constellations during the Harvest-Moon OR your father (or any relative) owns the Company.
• THEN and only Then -will the game of HURRY UP & WAIT end with the person searching for a job - actually getting hired.

During a phone interview for a Manager position with a prestigious law firm... the hiring manager (who only worked Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday) promised to follow up with me to schedule the next round of interviews. When I hadn't heard from her a week later - I called her Tuesday morning and thankfully she answered.

Ellen - "Hi Ms. X, I'm just following up with you to find out when the next interview is?"

Ms. X - "Oh, Ellen - didn't I call you? You are meeting with several of the principal partners tomorrow at 2pm. I'm so sorry, I could've sworn I called you."

Ellen (stifling the urge to scream at the top of my lungs) - "Oh, no problem Ms. X, I look forward to meeting them tomorrow at 2pm. Thanks, have a nice day."

What followed next was a whirlwind of research, shopping for the perfect Liz Claiborne suit and a restless night sleep. After the interview - AGAIN I was assured I'd be hearing from the firm to schedule the 'meet-the-team' meeting. Nearly two months passed. I had to send two e-mails of inquiry to the part time hiring manager before she responded via e-mail and told me they'd hired someone else.

I jumped through hoops. I played by the rules of job hunting etiquette. However, the stars weren't aligned. It wasn't my time to win the game, I guess.

Over the last 14 months I have travelled great distances for interviews. Hell, I travelled from Milwaukee to Chicago TWICE at lunch time for one company. And, not only didn't they offer to pay for my gas mileage...they didn't feed me either.

Friday June 29th, I left a Temp. job early and travelled over three hours to meet with a perspective employer because he said it was URGENT. He needed to fill the position quickly. Time was of the essence. Ah, I'm STILL WAITING for an offer from that job hunting excursion.

HURRY UP & WAIT.

This game is not for the faint of heart OR the meek of spirit - that's for certain.

To quote a famous 'sport beverage' ad campaign -

Is IT in you?

North meets South

August, 2007


I am a communicator.


I speak (sometimes excessively) and I write. I'm a voracious reader and therefore have an extensive vocabulary which I exercise regularly. I have been a 'talker' for as long as my memory goes back.


In third grade, on the third day of the new school year - my grouchy old teacher kept me after school because I had been talking too much that afternoon. In fact, she made me move my desk into the Cloak-room - and I had to sit in there the rest of the day. I sat in the dark and dingy coat-hanging- space amongst my classmates smelly 'stuff'. After the school bell rang and everyone headed home, I was forced to sit alone in the classroom while my grouchy old teacher did 'busy' work.


Okay, first of all - Does ANYONE remember Cloak-rooms? And, second, can you imagine the 'Johnny Cochran-sized' LAWSUIT and years of THERAPY that would be the result of such discipline in this day and age?

Gosh, how far we've come.........

ANYWAY - I digress.................

So, I'm a lifelong communicator. Therefore spending the first ten years of my professional career in the Radio Broadcasting industry was NOT a career path - it was DESTINY.

I grew up in Wisconsin and have spent time in North Carolina and New York. Heck, in New York - I rented an apartment from an old-school Italian lady on Long Island and I worked in the City. Good gracious - I battled HARD not to adopt a bridge & tunnel dialect that is VERY distinctive to anyone who has spent time in the Big Apple.

I landed back in Charlotte, North Carolina nearly eight months ago and although this region has been infiltrated by HOARDS of migrants from the Midwest, North and Western parts of the country...there is still a noticeable 'southern accent' that is standard for the natives.

I began dating the 'SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN' in March.

Almost immediately, a unique form of communication developed between the two of us. He- is a native to North Carolina. Although he doesn't have the mis-guided- stereo-typed -version of a southern accent that gets depicted in Bad made-for-tv -movies.......he most certainly has a 'drawl' that my Midwestern/New York ears are not in 'tune' with yet.

Likewise, my fast-talking -sharp -tongued- pattern of speech is most certainly a 'style' of speak that the 'SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN' is struggling to get used to.

There are times I'm looking directly at him yet he mutters some old-time -Southern- Saying that I have to wrestle in my brain to try and decipher. Inevitably, I ask him to repeat himself. "I'm sorry.....WHAT did you just say?" I wince.

"She was ridden hard and put up wet." He repeats.

For the first 3 months of our relationship, I was certain that saying referred to horse-back riding......however, I've since learned differently.

To convey the same 'type' of meaning - I would say, "She looks like she's been dragged around behind a truck for years."

The first time I used the word 'Persnickety' to describe my attention to detail - I thought the 'SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN'S' head was going to levitate off his shoulders. "What?" he bellowed. After spelling it for him and trying to describe it's meaning - he just shook his head and laughed, "Darling, you are crazy."

"Persnickety - Persnickety" I shouted - "It's a WORD!"

Recently, he described the weather conditions of a hunting expedition he'd been on years ago as; "cold as a witches titty."

Okay, are you FREAKING kidding me? I waited for banjos to start playing after he revealed THAT silly saying.

He collects Revolutionary War relics and I shop at Bloomingdale's. He drinks beer, smokes a pipe and owns a Suburban truck that his great grandfather drove on the farm. I sip martini's, listen to talk radio and would rather travel by subway. One saying we BOTH understand is:

"We may not make sense, but we DO fit together." (we invented that saying)

We are the North/South version of Ricky and Lucy. There are times I wish cameras were following us around - because when we try to communicate - we certainly are a comedy show.

I continue to marvel as to why the 'SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN' still calls me and asks me out on dates. I am a challenge. I'm sassy and very verbal. He is gentle and observant and much more mild mannered.

I'm not quite sure how THIS war of North & South will end - but, one thing is assured - Webster will need to publish the 'North/South dictionary of sayings and explanations' - so we can continue to communicate.