Do I HAVE to share?

July, 2007

I met the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN on Friday March 16th 2007.

That was the day I wondered into a local drinking establishment at 3:30 in the afternoon. Earlier that day, I'd received my THIRD REJECTION notice of the week. I'd been in Charlotte nearly three months, at that time, and I was still no closer to finding a job.

It was gloomy and rainy on Friday March 16th, 2007. Which matched my mood perfectly. I'd received a REJECTION phone message that week, followed by a REJECTION E-mail and on Friday March 16th, I received a REJECTION letter in the mail from Wisconsin.

The letter thanked me for taking time to interview with their organization however they were 'going with another more qualified candidate'.

Let's Re-cap - - I applied for that job in October of 2006 and I received the rejection in March of 2007. Five Months?? Are you freaking kidding me? AND - to add insult to injury -

I NEVER HAD AN INTERVIEW!!

So, thanking me for taking time to interview for a job I NEVER did get an interview for- nearly made my head IMPLODE!

I couldn't get to a BAR fast enough. UGH!

The SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN wandered in sometime between my second and third drink. The bar manager was a gal-pal of mine and she introduced us. She'd known the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN for years.

I remember thinking later - that I had verbally assaulted him most of the evening. I was filled with so much anger, venom and frustration - and I remember letting it.....ALL HANG OUT. Meanwhile, I was dressed all in black, with no make up and had been crying most of the morning. So, I CERTAINLY wasn't the most lovely girl in the joint.

Ironically, He claims to remember that night very differently. He says I didn't verbally assault him and that I looked LOVELY.

God bless his southern charm - because I KNOW I looked like a haggard, unemployed mess. But, none-the-less - he was brave enough to chat with me - and we've been CHATTING and LAUGHING ever since.

Although it's only been four months - it seems like much longer - in large part because I'm NOT working and have had a lot of time to get to know him. We have shared many getting-to-know-you experiences in a short amount of time.

As a TERMINALLY SINGLE lady - I hadn't SHARED anything with a man in many many many years. I hadn't shared my time, my thoughts my fears or ANYTHING in...... forever.

Early on, I struggled to fit the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN into my life. Hell, I'm still working on it.....Although, I think I'm getting better.

I'm used to coming, going and doing as I please. I can eat eggs for dinner and pizza for breakfast if I want. I can perform all my Secret Single Gal behavior without an audience or without having to explain what I'm doing.

Being single is GLORIOUS!

Until you meet someone who shatters all those perceptions. The SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN has infiltrated my SINGLE world.

The most notable and clear cut example of how he's RATTLED my world - has been the idea of having to SHARE 'stuff ' with him. Not just thoughts and ideas but....actual STUFF.

I'm the youngest of FIVE children in my family - and the closest sibling in age is eleven years older. I was virtually raised as an only child - and never had to worry too much about SHARING. I played with my toys watched whatever I wanted on TV and ate my own food.

Unfortunately, at the ripe old age of..... 'my late 30's' - I probably still harbor most, if not all, of those child-like tendencies. And, the only reason I KNOW this - is because now that the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN is in my life - Its a bit more OBVIOUS how SHARING is a...tight-rope challenge for me.

Nowhere is this more apparent than in the FOOD department. I've noticed, as the comfort level between us grows, so does his comfort of taking food OFF MY PLATE.

Ah, HELLO?

Anything I grab out of the fridge quickly becomes COMMUNAL property. Is that how this whole - 'Being in a couple' thing works? What's mine is yours and what's yours is mine?

UGH - I did NOT sign up for that.

I'm of the school of thought- Let's keep our HANDS and our FOOD to ourselves unless something is offered to you.

Recently, I'd had a CRAPPY day at a Temp job and he met me after work - and I offered to buy him dinner at a place nearby. No sooner had the waitress taken our drink order when he announced that he's "Not very hungry." To which I respond, "Well, that would've been nice to know before we picked the place, drove here and were SEATED..... darling."

I was famished and proceeded to order an appetizer and a hearty pasta meal. Well, Mr. NOT-SO-HUNGRY ate nearly the entire Artichoke dip and within 15 seconds of my pasta being placed on the table - he reached over with his fork and was diving into the dish.

I was doing MENTAL gymnastics as I tried to figure out how I could politely chop his hand off without getting blood in my pasta!!!!

I adore the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN - he's wonderful, kind, smart and handsome. I'm very very lucky to have him in my life - BUT - does that mean I have to share food with him until the END OF TIME??? Someone- please explain.

I carried these thoughts around with me - slowly simmering inside every time his lips wrapped around something on my plate. I felt inner turmoil and a bit of shame as I tried to wrestle with my selfishness. I quietly YEARNED for the days when I could eat, nibble and consume food products all by myself!

Until I discovered I was not alone! I innocently stumbled upon another couple that shared a similar quandary of - FOOD ENVY.

My SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN and I had travelled to visit my best friend and her husband. They've been together a long time and have two lovely children. She and I are very similar in many ways. Strong, opinionated and fiercely independent.

It had been hard to watch her walk down the isle nearly four years ago. But, the good news is - she didn't turn into a SHELL of her former self. She's remained the strong, opinionated and fiercely independent gal I love.

So, imagine my surprise when I found out that SHE and my SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN shared a common attribute. They both love to STEAL FOOD OFF THE PLATES OF THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHER.

My gal-pal and her husband provided intricate details of their FOOD ENVY.

SHE was the one in the relationship that reached for his plate, grabbed his food, sipped his drinks, nibbled his treats......I was ASTONISHED. And, secretly pleased that I was not alone in my battle to keep custody of MY FOOD.

Her husband and I boisterously plead our cases while our loved ones shouted names at us like Selfish and Greedy.

Selfish and Greedy? Is that what you call wanting to eat the food that's on my plate?

I'm not standing in front of the SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN gobbling up a Thanksgiving Feast while he sits behind bars on Death Row - starving away with no hope in the universe for sustenance.

Now, THAT would be a bit selfish.

I'm not sure how this - 'BEING IN A COUPLE' - thing is going to work out...however, I will say this - since the FOOD ENVY conversation with our friends - I've been able to enjoy what's on my plate peacefully without a foreign fork or hand obstructing my path from plate to mouth.

Now, THAT'S GLORIOUS!!!