Deal Breakers

May, 2007

As the self-proclaimed President of the Sisters-in-Singlehood world-wide sorority.....I have spent the bulk of my adult years successfully eluding healthy relationships with men. Oh sure, I've dabbled in the dating scene.....but, with no gold-medal-winning outcomes.

I even had a five-year stint with a certain 'mr. wonderful' who turned out to be ANYTHING but wonderful. I closed out my 20s and began my 30s with an array of 'rebounders' that all shared the.... oh-so-seductive commitment-phobic gene.

Somewhere along the way I decided that I too would do my best to avoid anything serious. For the first time - I became very successful in relationships. The NON-EXISTENT kind. Once I became committed to NOT BEING committed - I was very very good at it. And, the 'Dating-Well' just dried up.

However, it was during this dating-desert that I had the greatest epiphany about myself and what I was willing to tolerate in a love-interest with the opposite sex. After much self-reflection and conversations with various gal-pals over martini's and on the phone....my DATING DEALBREAKERS began to take form.

DATING DEALBREAKERS are those things that you just can't get past. Things that will put a screeching halt to any further investigation of the potential 'mate'. Admittedly, not all of my DEALBREAKERS have been completely well thought out. I've received negative reviews from some of my 'SISTERS' along the way who did not agree with my reasoning for dissolving certain relationships.

The most memorable was the Tank-Top incident of 2004. I'd been dating the 'older guy' for a couple of months. This dating stint with him was the second go-around. Initially, I'd met him back in 2002...however, he'd lied to me about his 'availability' factor. That year, he neglected to mention that his divorce wasn't final and he was actually still living with his soon-to-be Ex. .........In 2002 - THAT was the DEALBREAKER!

Fast forward to 2004, I re-met him during the summer at an outdoor music-in-the-park event. After the obligatory level of 'bitchiness' was bestowed on him, I began to soften up a bit. Hell, it was two years later, he was fully divorced, I was still single....and he LOOKED GOOD!! So, we tried the dating-thing again.

Although he was 14 years my senior...he had this odd sense of immaturity about him that grated on my nerves immediately. It was the sexual-innuendos and the sneaky comments that made my skin crawl. In my opinion, there comes a certain time in life when the 'FRAT-BOY' mentality needs to be placed on the back shelf of a very deep and dark closet - never to be released again in public. Am I right ladies????

However, that wasn't the actual DEALBREAKER..... It happened on a hot summer night in Milwuakee. I had invited the 'older guy' to meet up with me and my friends at an after-work Happy Hour.

I was standing on the outdoor deck with my back to the door chatting with my gal pal when she averted her eyes then quickly gazed back at me and grabbed me by the arms.

(Later, she would describe the scene...OFTEN...and insist that she didn't have a problem with the 'older guys' outfit...but, knowing me as she did - she knew it was her duty to prepare me for the picture).

"What?" I squealed as she pinched my arms in an effort to immobilize me.

"Ellen, don't turn around"

"Why?" I demanded.....

"older guy," (she actually used his real name) "just walked in," she hissed

"What's wrong, is he with another woman?" with my dating past, that was the first scenario that came to mind.

"No," she smiled..."but, you're not going to like it...that's for sure"

And, she was right - I turned around and caught sight of my 50 year old boyfriend, with a big grin on his face, making his way through the crowd of button-down professionals........wearing a green TANK TOP!!

And, the question has been asked MANY TIMES when this story has been told - NO, it was not a 'Wife-beater tank top'. But, none-the-less....a non-tan man of 50, who hadn't seen the inside of a gym in awhile..... should NEVER wear a TANK TOP to an after-work Happy Hour.

Hell, let's just be clear - he shouldn't even wear a tank top to the gym...until he's sufficiently sculpted his biceps.

That was the end of the 'older guy.'

I've had many-a-lady scold me for the TANK TOP incident because they insisted that "you can always change a mans wardrobe." And, that may or may not be true - but, back in 2004 the green TANK TOP was my DEALBREAKER.

Now? Well, it's amazing what you'll put up with when you meet a solid guy. Since landing in Charlotte North Carolina I've been tested time and time again. As I've mentioned before, this region is a plethora of southern charm meets rugged man. The men I've encountered have made me re-evaluate my threshold for commitment.

Gun collections, southern drawls, hunting, fishing, bear skin rugs and big trucks were foreign concepts and objects to me a mere five months ago. Yet, having doors opened, proper manners and southern hospitality bestowed upon you......makes the line for the DEALBREAKERS a bit blurry.

Not-to-worry...I'm still President of the Sisters-in-Singlehood world-wide sorority....however...I may be re-evaluating the DEALBREAKER guidebook.