November, 2006
The longer I searched for a job, I became increasingly more aware of the similarities that existed between job hunting and relationship hunting.
The interview process seemed like an endless string of bad 'blind dates'. Waiting by the phone hoping the perspective employer PICKED me, felt exactly like all the times I'd waited for the CUTE guy to call back. Posting my resume on-line, felt like Internet dating!
Being single AND unemployed was a constant reminder that I was now in BOTH categories that most people detest (and are afraid of). My single status had been easier to cope with because I worked 12-15 hour days......now that I wasn't working I was very aware of the absence of a 'special someone' in my life.
It's always bad enough going through a break-up or a divorce, however....when you are employed, you can at least throw yourself into your work. Your work can be your diversion.
Likewise, when you unexpectedly lose a job....your partner, spouse, relationship...can offer consolation, advice and affirmation of how great you are.
Losing your job is much like going through a divorce or break up - especially when it comes to the other PEOPLE in the equation. When I first lost my job, my friends and fellow business peers rallied around me. They were as shocked as I was and very supportive.
As the months dragged on, and I hadn't 'connected' with a new professional relationship yet....I noticed that my friends and business peers grew increasingly distant. It was almost like they didn't want to get too close to me, for fear that my bad karma may RUB OFF on them.
To be fair, I too grew distant. Once I didn't have JOB - related stories to share, it seemed to drastically reduce my ability to interact with the EMPLOYED people in my world. How often are we defined by the work that we do? Well, you really find out - when you don't do that work anymore....that's for sure.
Although I've never been divorced, in my 20s I broke up with a guy I'd dated for five years. When we split, it was only natural that our friends and acquaintances had to TAKE SIDES. Isn't that what typically happens in a break-up? Apparently, it's difficult for on-lookers to stay neutral. Inevitably, they lean towards one side or another.
Breaking up with your employer creates a similar dynamic. For self-preservation purposes, the employees left behind, have to 'side' with management. Even though it's understandable, it doesn't make it any easier. Business peers can go either way. Some will choose your side because they didn't 'like' the employer anyway. Others, will maintain contact with the employer for professional purposes thus, shutting you out.
Anyway you look at it: BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO! The best you can hope for is that when you emerge from the 'proverbial ashes' you are stronger, wiser and ready to embark on a new and fulfilling relationship.
