The advice 'experts'

November, 2006

Lately, I've become painstakingly aware of how many people LOVE giving advice. Whether I've asked for their opinion or not, I'm constantly bombarded with comments and suggestions from knowledgeable 'do-gooders'.

Before I lost my job, I suffered through mind-numbing remarks about how I could successfully find a BOYFRIEND. "Ellen, you're soooooo funny, how can YOU not have a boyfriend?", "Ellen have you ever tried Internet dating?" , "You know Ellen, maybe you're too picky...no one is perfect."

UGH! I began to fantasize about just dating ANYONE so that the 'relationship-know-it-alls' would back off!

One time, I was at a local bar just minding my own business. A rotund, balding gentleman sat next to me and began to share his woeful story. (while paying for at least two rounds of drinks!)

He told me that he'd been married for over 20 years, had a couple kids and that he'd gained quite a bit of weight during the marriage. "Really?" I smiled sweetly, "you look fine to me".

He proceeded to tell me, he'd lost his engineering job and taken a 30 thousand dollar pay cut to work at a car dealership and his wife had asked for a divorce.

"Note to self," I thought, "start hanging out at classier joints"

At some point, he finally asked me if I was married. To which I replied, "No." He followed up with, "Really? A nice girl like you, why not?"

"Ah, well....no one has ever asked me" I replied as I sipped my free drink.

He probed a bit further and I told him that I'd moved around a lot because of the type of work I did...and when he asked about my work, I told him I'd spent the bulk of my career as a broadcast journalist in sports radio. And, like all the men before him, who learn this news about me....he began asking me all kinds of questions about which teams I'd covered and who I had interviewed, etc, etc.

I shared a couple of my best locker room stories with him.....and, it was at this point that HE GAVE ADVICE. "Ellen, do you typically tell men what you've done for a living?"

"Well, sure...that usually comes up in conversation, why?"

"I could see it being intimidating....I mean, not for me...I think its great, but some guys may not be able to handle that you've worked in sports and know so much about sports"

I sat there, contemplating his remarks. From the beginning of time - men have had relationships with ladies whose jobs could be intimidating. Men have been known to marry female lawyers, doctors and executives.....haven't they? - yet, here was fatty-baldy- divorce- guy telling me that I shouldn't tell guys I've been a SPORTS REPORTER???????????? Are you freaking kidding me?

I've always marveled at the idea of a chick-who-knows-sports as being intimidating. I would've thought a chick who understands the need to watch the Sunday game or the need to play in rec-leagues would be desirable....how crazy was I?

I took a deep breath before responding, "Well, if I can't be honest with a guy about what I've done with nearly ten years of my life....maybe, just maybe...he's not the guy for me"

Fatty-baldy, laughed at my response then asked me for my phone number.

After I lost my Director of Marketing job, it seemed to open the floodgates for all the advice-givers. I don't understand how losing your job translates into; PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK....but, everyone seems to have suggestions about what you should do.

Ultimately, I know that people think they're being helpful. However, the longer I stayed unemployed the more difficult it was to interact with the employed population. When I would see someone or speak on the phone, after our initial greeting...without fail, the other person would follow up with, "So, have you found a job yet?"

And, if I DARED to respond "No," then the other person would typically launch into a verbal barrage of possible job opportunities for me. I heard everything from "why don't you bar tend?" to "have you thought of becoming a fireman?"

The more people tried to SOLVE my problem the more nauseated I would feel. Gosh, I actually LONGED for the days when folks would merely give me relationship advice.

I'm not exactly sure why folks have this uncontrollable urge to give un-solicited advice but, next time you find yourself opening your mouth to utter your opinion......stop and ask yourself...

WAS I ASKED?

Choosing Sides

November, 2006

The longer I searched for a job, I became increasingly more aware of the similarities that existed between job hunting and relationship hunting.

The interview process seemed like an endless string of bad 'blind dates'. Waiting by the phone hoping the perspective employer PICKED me, felt exactly like all the times I'd waited for the CUTE guy to call back. Posting my resume on-line, felt like Internet dating!

Being single AND unemployed was a constant reminder that I was now in BOTH categories that most people detest (and are afraid of). My single status had been easier to cope with because I worked 12-15 hour days......now that I wasn't working I was very aware of the absence of a 'special someone' in my life.

It's always bad enough going through a break-up or a divorce, however....when you are employed, you can at least throw yourself into your work. Your work can be your diversion.

Likewise, when you unexpectedly lose a job....your partner, spouse, relationship...can offer consolation, advice and affirmation of how great you are.

Losing your job is much like going through a divorce or break up - especially when it comes to the other PEOPLE in the equation. When I first lost my job, my friends and fellow business peers rallied around me. They were as shocked as I was and very supportive.

As the months dragged on, and I hadn't 'connected' with a new professional relationship yet....I noticed that my friends and business peers grew increasingly distant. It was almost like they didn't want to get too close to me, for fear that my bad karma may RUB OFF on them.

To be fair, I too grew distant. Once I didn't have JOB - related stories to share, it seemed to drastically reduce my ability to interact with the EMPLOYED people in my world. How often are we defined by the work that we do? Well, you really find out - when you don't do that work anymore....that's for sure.

Although I've never been divorced, in my 20s I broke up with a guy I'd dated for five years. When we split, it was only natural that our friends and acquaintances had to TAKE SIDES. Isn't that what typically happens in a break-up? Apparently, it's difficult for on-lookers to stay neutral. Inevitably, they lean towards one side or another.

Breaking up with your employer creates a similar dynamic. For self-preservation purposes, the employees left behind, have to 'side' with management. Even though it's understandable, it doesn't make it any easier. Business peers can go either way. Some will choose your side because they didn't 'like' the employer anyway. Others, will maintain contact with the employer for professional purposes thus, shutting you out.

Anyway you look at it: BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO! The best you can hope for is that when you emerge from the 'proverbial ashes' you are stronger, wiser and ready to embark on a new and fulfilling relationship.

Unemployment - Fifth month

October, 2006


I began the fifth month of unemployment in a zombie-like state of mind. The ad agency interview at the end of September, had left me in a tail spin. Actually, tail spin is putting it kindly - I had a total melt-down.

I called my parents as I drove away from the 'debacle' that resembled a job interview. And, before I could actually give them the latest update from the 'unemployment chronicles' I was sobbing uncontrollably. I pulled over, into the parking lot of a downtown Hotel, and tried to compose myself as two homeless guys sauntered over to my car, looking for a hand-out.

I stared back at them red-faced and puffy from crying and realized that I was approximately ten minutes away from having to saunter over to the parked car of strangers asking for a hand-out. UGH - I had finally hit bottom. (or so I thought)

In September, I had written a couple of press releases for a friend of mine. She was in a Development role at a local non-profit, and had asked for my 'pro bono' assistance. I created the press releases, that announced an upcoming event. In lieu of payment, my friend offered me a free pass into the $60 per plate event.

As I drove to the event on Thursday October 5th, I became painfully aware that I was officially now - WORKING FOR FOOD!

On Thursday the 12th, I had a phone interview for a high-profile radio position in New York. As I hung up the phone, I was instantly re-energized. It felt good to be speaking 'industry speak' again. Plus, the idea of moving back to New York filled me with hopeful anticipation.

One of the many 'by-products' of unemployment is that time is of the essence. Every call you make, every resume you submit, every networking meeting you have, is of HUGE importance to you. However, the 'employed people in the population' - are operating under an entirely different TIME-line. Sure, they are busy and overworked and possibly underpaid - but, they are EMPLOYED. Which translates into a painstakingly slow response rate.

When you're unemployed, waiting two hours, two days, two weeks for a call-back.... or for ANY validation....is a LIFETIME.

As a single woman with a mortgage, it was imperative that I find some income, while I wait for the next 'real job'. So, I made an appointment with a Temp agency and I answered an ad for 'Seasonal' help at UPS.

Monday, October 23rd I arrived at the Temp agency for my 9am appointment with Marcus. The office was one large open space and there were two people sitting at desks in the center. The guy, who I deduced was Marcus, was barely 25 years old. I was greeted by the other person, a young woman named LaShonda.

"I'm here for my appointment with Marcus" I smile. She pleasantly responds, "First of all, we've got some paperwork for you to fill out" - Nearly AN HOUR LATER, and I finally emerge from the 'paperwork-filling-out-area'. I walk over to their desks. Lashonda looks up and asks me to "take a seat over there", she points and I oblige.

For the next ten minutes, I listen to LaShonda and Marcus chat about how LaShonda is trying to lose weight. "Have you tried joining a gym?" Marcus inquires. I stare at them, from my seat a mere six feet away, as I wonder "they do know I can HEAR them, don't they?" I was amazed by the lack of professionalism, yet....when you are the unemployed one, your opinion doesn't really matter, does it?

Next, Marcus leads me into a classroom, where I spend the next HOUR watching regulatory videos ranging from reporting sexual harassment to properly disposing of hazardous waste. Followed by another HOUR of taking on-line computer tests. When I finally do get to meet with Marcus he tells me about a possible tele-marketing position.

Seeing the confusion on my face, he continues...."well, I see you were the Director of Marketing at your last job...so, I thought a tele-marketer position.....well, you know".

"Sure" I respond, "I've never done anything like that before, but...If they train me, I'm a quick learner....I could do it" Now it's my turn to observe the confusion on Marcus's face - as he contemplated my response. Clearly he didn't understand that the only thing tele-marketing had in common with Director of Marketing was that they both had the word MARKETING in them!!

The next day I arrive at the UPS location for the mandatory 'tour'. The appointment was for 6:15 pm, and I'd been instructed to wear comfortable shoes. I park my car, and check in at the security booth. The guard instructs me to "go around the corner, you'll see the rest of the group waiting outside".

I rounded the corner and stood amongst the others. Nearly 20 men of all ages, sizes and shapes were assembled there. After a half hour wait outside, Rob the HR guy, finally emerges from the HEATED building and instructs us to follow him inside. "Stay in a single file line", he barks.

I smirked, as I wondered if this was what it was like going off to prison. I fought back the urge to ask one of my fellow-marchers. By my quick estimation nearly ALL OF THEM looked like they'd served 'time' at one point in their lives. It was probably best for me to keep my mouth shut.

The 'tour' begins with Rob the HR guy making some highly inappropriate comments about what it was like to work for UPS. He led off by telling us about one of the "idiot supervisors" and when he sensed our reaction, he continued..."no really, the guy is a moron".

I stood there and marvelled once again, as to how I was in my FIFTH month of unemployment yet people like Lazy Marcus, Fat LaShonda and Rob (the highly inappropriate) HR guy had jobs!

At the end of the tour, Rob the HR guy asked us if we had any questions. I asked him, "when would the jobs begin?" He responded, "Well, if I haven't scared you off tonight, then you should call me back to set up a more formal interview. We'll do a background check which typically takes two weeks, and if you pass that - then, you'll be starting around Thanksgiving".

Another hand went up, "Yo man, what are you looking for in the background check?" I quickly realize my instincts were right, and that I was surrounded by a bunch of ex-cons. Rob the HR guy responds, "Well, if you've been convicted of stealing in the last 3-5 years, that would be bad. In addition, if you've been busted for drugs...you wouldn't get hired"

My eyes were as big as saucers as Rob the HR guy continues, "because if you've been busted for drugs, the last place you should be working is for a company that has cross-country trucking systems"

I giggled, but....unfortunately, no one else got that joke. Looking back, maybe it wasn't meant to be funny..........

Rob the HR guy continues to say that "felony battery" would be another reason to fail the background check. "Well, that's encouraging" I thought to myself......... As I drove away that night, I became painfully aware that I was now competing for work with a bunch of ex-cons. Was this REALLY happening?

As October ended and November began the SIX PHONE calls I placed to Rob the HR guy went unanswered.

That was the fifth month of unemployment.

In Pursuit of the 'ONE'

November, 2006


Your stomach has butterflies and you're feeling a bit queasy as you decide what to wear. Men select the perfect 'power tie' while women frantically search for the most flattering outfit.

All of this anticipation is followed by endless discussions of your past. You explain your experiences and banter about your most desirable qualities. You maintain eye contact while you attempt to appear confident yet approachable.

As you say goodbye, you silently hope to yourself that you didn't reveal too much or come across as desperate or anxious.

Is this a FIRST DATE? or a JOB INTERVIEW?

Anyone who has spent time either in the unemployment 'scene' or the single 'scene' could compare notes and find there are similarities between both places. I've spent way too much time in both 'scenes'.... sometimes simultaneously.

Currently, I'm bringing up the rear of the unemployment line in addition to my very secure spot at the end of the relationship line. It's from these positions, that I've discovered how similar the hunt for a job resembles the hunt for a relationship.

Every job interview feels like a blind date. Think about it; in both instances, we are brought together by outside forces who thought we'd be compatible. "Oh, you'd be perfect for the job" sounds eerily similar to, "Oh, you two would be perfect for each other".

In both circumstances, you go in with high expectations. And, alas....you get that sick-in-the-stomach feeling when you realize there is absolutely no match. Your mind races as you question the sanity of the person who 'set you up'.

Job hunting scenario: "I have several years of experience in marketing, public relations and broadcast journalism....how did I end up in an interview for a project manager in a sheet metal factory?"

Blind date scenario: "I'm a 6'0, athletic, Catholic, Republican....how did I end up with a 5'8, atheist, chess player who voted for Ralph Nader?"

The similarities continue.....you spend countless hours waiting for the 'call back'. All the while trying to picture yourself in the new role. After a job interview you fantasize about getting the position. You think about how you'll decorate your office and how you'll spend your new salary.

How is that fantasy different from the ones you have after the 'first date'? You start to envision yourself with that new mate. How do you look together? Where is this going? Etc, etc, etc.

You question whether you should call back first. In a dating situation, the 'call back' is tricky. Especially for women. If you 'call back' too soon, you appear needy and clingy. The Professional 'call back' is just as elusive. If you call the perspective employer back too quick, you risk being pushy and aggressive.

If and when you get the 'call back' you try painstakingly to sound cool, calm and collected as you discuss a second meeting.

The hunt for a job and a relationship is maddening. However, once you make the connection - the up-side is worth it, isn't it? Isn't that why we nearly break our necks chasing the dream?

Happy Hunting!

Unemployment- Fourth month

September, 2006

As all the employed people returned to work after the Labor Day holiday, I reflected on the thought of beginning my fourth month of unemployment. It was nearly impossible to wrap my mind around the idea.

Although unemployment wasn't exactly foreign territory for me, for some reason this stint was getting harder and harder to navigate through. I kept relying on previous experience. Hell, my radio show was cancelled in December of 2000 and I was still looking for a full-time gig when tragedy struck on September 11, 2001. I'd survived that upheaval, I certainly could bounce back again, right?

The one thing about not having to BE anywhere everyday is that you tend to just STAY IN YOUR HEAD 24-7. You become so consumed with your current situation that it's hard to take a break from it. And, it's a double-edged sword because everyone knows that the first rule of job hunting is to present a positive and upbeat attitude to all perspective employers.

Clearly the folks that write the RULES for job-hunting are gainfully employed!

Just the like authors that write all the DATING books. 'How to Marry a Millionaire in 100 days', 'How to meet the man of your dreams,' 'Understanding the female brain' -
these are OBVIOUSLY written by folks in relationships because the books would have TOTALLY different titles if the authors were actually hopelessly single and searching for love.

I haven't had a steady boyfriend in five years, I should be the one writing the books. My titles would read: 'He didn't call back? stay away from the fridge', How to be sober when meeting Mr. Right', 'Friday nights, feeling frisky and home alone'.

Now, those are some REAL self-help book titles!

Early September, I get a call from another recruiter. She had heard about my experience in program and business development and she was certain she had an opportunity for me. We spoke for approximately 20 minutes and I liked her instantly. She was smart and aggressive....my kind of lady! I couldn't wait to meet her.

I drove to her office on Wednesday September 6, 2006. After filling out the obligatory paperwork, she led me into her office, closed the door and told me about the potential job. We bantered back and forth for nearly an hour. She was confident, professional and very savvy.

On my way home, I began to picture myself in the new professional role. Although, I knew enough not to get too excited. I certainly had learned that lesson during month one and two of unemployment when I got dragged around by a potential employer, only to be told two months into the interview merry-go-round that they were "going in another direction". Now I was a student of the 'wait-and-see' method.

But, none-the-less, this new connection gave me hope that this unemployment nightmare would soon be over. Until my phone rang on Monday and the recruiter was informing me that SHE HAD LOST HER JOB! I actually began to laugh. I quickly assured her that I wasn't laughing at her, I was just giggling at the irony of the situation.

I was now in a stage of unemployment where even the people whose job it is to find you a job.......are losing THEIR jobs! Good lord, what chance did I have now? So, I wished her luck in her hunt for a new career and I hung up the phone. Once again, I was speechless.

I spent the middle of the month attending networking events, lunching with business contacts and volunteering at Marquette University (my almamater). All that paid off when I got the call from a local ad agency. Someone who knew someone who knew me had told them I had experience in health care. The agency was expanding their health care division and wanted to meet me.

September 27, I show up at the slick downtown location. I was well-rested and ready to be the answer to all their business needs. I was told I'd meet with Mr. X first and then I was to meet with Mr. Y and Mr. Z. No problem, I was ready to handle that.

Mr. X and I sit at the glossy conference table. He hands me his business card, which I tuck into the folder I had with me. He explains to me that he's a real casual guy and we should not treat this as an interview, we should treat this as a "getting-to-know-you" conversation.

I smile as I nod my acceptance. We begin. He lets me know that they have devised a five year strtegic plan and their health care division will be a large part of their growth. He then asks me to describe my experience, and I do so with enthusiasm.

Approximately 30 minutes into this "getting-to-know-you" conversation, he stops short and says, "You know Ellen, I believe in honesty and I have to tell you, I don't think this is a good fit. I think you'd be bored here and you wouldn't be challenged enough."

I'm stunned and perplexed at this point. I ask for clarification. He continues by telling me that they need someone who will be fine staying in-house and dealing with clients over the phone and handling the minutia of the mundane details. "You're used to developing the business, and I don't think we should waste anymore time here."

I realize I've lost this one. However, I say, "so, I guess I'm not meeting with Mr. Y and Mr. Z?"

"No," he assures me "there really is no point, they would only ask you the same questions that I have."

We both stand up, he escorts me to the front door and within seconds I'm standing on the sidewalk outside their building.

It was then, that I looked at his business card.

Mr. X

VP of Business Development

Lovely.

That was my fourth month of unemployment.

Unemployment - Third month

August, 2006


August 1st represented the beginning of my third month of unemployment. Or, as I affectionately call it, "The Hiatus." Although, three months wasn't exactly accurate.

I had officially stopped working on March 27, 2006. That was the day I was admitted into the hospital for a hysterectomy. And for those of you with a 'medical terminology deficit', that meant - they were taking out my uterus. The 'thing' a woman needs to have, in order to give birth.

It was bad enough I was getting close to closing out my 30's without a husband, boyfriend or love-interest. Hell, I hadn't been in a relationship since Prez. Clinton was in office. But, now I was going to have to add 'permanent infertility issues' to my pathetic relationship resume. Lovely.

Per Doctors orders, I was going to need a six week medical leave of absence. That little 'tid-bit' certainly didn't go over too well with my employer. Gosh, what a pity I had to inconvenience them with my silly life-altering female issues.

Ironically, I went into this unfortunate situation thinking that a six week absence was a small price to pay for permanent job security. Professionally, I thought this was going to bode well for me in the long run, because I was NEVER going to need maternity leave! Isn't that every employers dream scenario for their female employees?

Well, no such luck. My employer rewarded me by ELIMINATING my Director of Marketing position while I was in the fourth week of that medical leave. My lawyer told me I was fortunate that they gave me a month severance. Hmmm, not to sound ungrateful, but.....I wasn't feeling very fortunate.

June and July flew by and as August began, the novelty of not having to go to work everyday was beginning to wear off. Because I never really had time to officially 'mourn the loss' of my uterus, I was struggling with all kinds of emotions. I'd lost a portion of my female identity and now I'd lost my life-line, my Professional identity.

Now, every day was spent calling, searching, posting, investigating, networking, sending........

It was at the three month mark that I began to notice the isolation. Ironically, I'd always been the life of every party, the leader of every group and the coordinator for most events......
However, now my phone rarely rang. Hell, I couldn't even get former employers or business partners to return my calls for networking purposes.

Socially, I wasn't being invited out for drinks, dinner or....anything. True, I was becoming highly aware of my financial situation. So, to be fair - I wasn't able to maintain the social whirlwind I was caught up in a mere three months earlier. But regardless, it's always nice to be asked.....right?

I had a phone interview on the 15th of August with a Milwaukee based Fortune 100 Company. I was thrilled. I knew I could do the job, I just had to convince them I could do it. Excitement turned into despair, when I was blown off twice by the Phone Interviewer. The first interview came and went - no call. And, the two calls and two e-mails I sent to her, went unanswered. Then, nearly a week later, she called again - apologizing with a message stating, "Oh, like, I'm sorry, I had like the worst week of my LIFE last week"

"Really? You did?", I thought. "Well, don't mind me - I'm just an unemployed single woman in her 30's with a mortgage to pay and no uterus!." UGH! It was infuriating that my career future was in the hands of a 20-something Phone Interviewer who was having a bad week.

She blew me off a second time. And, when we finally connected for the actual phone interview, she practically passed out when I had the nerve to ask her a follow-up question to one of her questions. Apparently, the answer wasn't written on the cue card she was so obviously reading from.

On the 21st of August, I volunteered my time at a golf outing, in an effort to network and stay connected to the Marketing community. During the luncheon, I found out some disturbing news. I was making idle chit-chat with a meek and mousy gentleman sitting next to me. He informed me that he was an administrator of a local healthcare facility. He then proceeded to tell me that he'd just hired Tom 'So & So' to be a manager. "Really?" I said, "I used to work with Tom"

"How long did you work with him?" he asked

"Oh, about a year, " I answered. He smiled and went back to the buffet line, and I had to sit there with a plastic grin on my face without being able to tell him that we'd FIRED TOM from the company for STEALING.

Amazing, I was volunteering my time at a golf outing and 'fired Tom' was already working again.

That was my third month of unemployment.

Moving Home

October, 2001

Greetings Everyone!

Well, I made it to Milwaukee and I wanted to touch base. Thought many of you would be interested in the details of the move home. For those of you who've know me for awhile and have heard my other stories...you'll file this one under: 'The MACK -DADDY of all Ellen stories'.
However, unfortunately...with my reputation for drawing disaster, I'm sure you won't be shocked by what you are about to read. Although, I do warn you - my moving experience makes my 'root-canal-bomb-scare'-story seem like a walk in the park. Read on:

The plan was, my mom was going to fly out to New York from Milwaukee and drive my car back while I drove the 15 foot moving truck that I'd reserved. (moving on a budget). Prior to the move, I called the truck rental joint several times.....you know, this was a post 9-11 world now. And, I was just checking and re-checking to make sure the truck was still available.

I had a few sleepless nights prior to my moms arrival. This was to be her first flight after 9-11 and I was praying that my pension for bad-luck would NOT begin with my mothers flight having any problems. Mom landed safely at LaGuardia airport....so I thought we were off to a good start.

Moving Day - we were scheduled to pick up the truck at 11am. I awoke that morning and realized my home phone (land line) still had a dial tone, even though I'd cancelled the service. I attempted to call the phone company, but of course they were closed for the weekend. I realized I'd have to deal with them from Milwaukee to get them to shut off the service.

So, because the land line was still working, I used it to call the truck rental place one last time before we drove out there. It was then, that ROSE - the truck rental chick informs me that "There is no moving truck for you". She proceeded to babble about how they'd tried to call me, but apparently had the wrong number written down.

"Oh, so I guess all THREE of the phone numbers I gave to the reservation lady, didn't work?" I hissed. ROSE proceeds to calmly prattle on about how there are no trucks left because they'd donated so many of their vehicles to the recovery effort. Her calmness, which translated into sheer stupidity to me, was making my eyeballs bulge.

Not being able to match her ability to remain calm, I shout back at her, " What the hell do you mean you've got no truck? I'm scheduled to drive that truck half way across the country...today! What do YOU plan to do to rectify this situation, ROSE?"

She directed me to call the customer service number, which was CLOSED when I called. Well, my career as an investigative reporter came in handy as I plowed through the voice-mail-hell of the reservation line and was able to get through to a human being. And, no sooner had the Rental Reservation person said, "hello" than the PHONE DISCONNECTS.

Okay, so I don't have to call them from Milwaukee to cancel the service, I thought to myself.

As the line went dead, I let out the longest most vile tirade of expletives I could muster. And, believe me - five years as a hardened New Yorker, did NOT go to waste during this explosion. It was then, that I turned to look at my 72 year old mother, still dressed in her nightgown, perched on a moving box in the middle of my empty apartment. The look of horror on her face will haunt me forever.

I move over to my cell phone and after three hours of journalistic persistence I'm finally told I can get a 24 foot moving truck for the same price I was quoted for the 15 foot. Without even thinking about the size difference of the vehicle, I agreed.

Can you imagine the look of surprise on the faces of both my mother and I as we arrive at the truck Rental place and lay eyes on the freshly washed 24 foot MAMMOTH RIG that I now realize I'm about to drive 900 miles? Keeping in mind, I'm a Honda Civic owner. Hell, an SUV freaks me out. We don't have time to dwell on this turn of events, because back at the apartment, I had a bunch of friends anxiously waiting to help me move my stuff.

The actual moving of the furniture went relatively well. Well, except for the moment I went out to the truck to check on things....only to find my 36-inch television set laying SCREEN SIDE DOWN on the splintered wooden floor of the truck. It was at this moment, I broke down and wept like a kindergarten child on her first day of school. I was a wreck. And, I instantly cursed myself for providing my friends with the BEER before the truck was packed.

5:30 Sunday morning. Time to hit the road. I say goodbye to my New York apartment, and climb into the RIG as my mom gets behind the wheel of my Civic. We get on the Van Wyck expressway and off Long Island without incident. It wasn't until the Van Wyck turned into the Grande Central Parkway that I realized I was on a literal collision course to HELL.

As I'm traveling at 50 miles per hour in the middle lane, with my mother closes behind I see a bridge up ahead with a sign that reads: Clearance - 11' 7......... I'm in a RIG that has a height of 12' 6. DO THE MATH!

I slam on the breaks as I approach the bridge...the truck slow down, but, doesn't stop....and by the GRACE OF GOD....I make it under the bridge withought ripping the entire top of the RIG off. Just for future reference - Trucks are NOT ALLOWED on the Parkways of Long Island.

As the blood rushes from my body and I turn completely numb my mother is panicking behind me and has no clue what is going on. Keep in mind, its pitch black outside and New York cab drivers are FLYING past us on both sides, honking their horns. At first I thought they were angry because we were moving too slow however, I soon realize they are honking as a signal for me to GET OFF THE PARKWAY!

A yellow cab pulls up next to me and motions for me to follow him. He scoots in front of my RIG and puts his hazard lights on. We ease over to the next off-ramp and he gets out of his cab and comes up to my truck, "Where are you trying to go?"

He then proceeds to tell me that I couldn't afford the fines they give to truckers who come onto the Parkways. He was a guardian angel, as he led me with his hazards flashing, to the entrance of the Whitestone Bridge.

Again, in a post 9-11 world, we are stopped at the base of the bridge by the State Troopers who are performing the safety checks on all vehicles attempting to cross. I was still ghost-white and shaking from the near-death-Parkway fiasco as the Trooper asks me, "what are you carrying and where are you going?"

I look him square in the eye as I begin to sob, "I'm just trying to go home."

The rest of the trip was relatively painless. Actually, it was a blur. I don't think it has quite sunk in yet. I'm still exhausted from the whole experience. But, the way I look at it, my ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK will be an entire chapter in my future book!

Stay in touch - Ellen

Saying goodbye to New York

October, 2001

Hey Janet -

Well, had to run out and get some more packing tape today. I got in a conversation with two women about trying to get back to a normal life. It seems everywhere you go here, people are attempting to be normal....but, there are still a lot of long faces.

Mayor Giuliani continues to beg New Yorkers to get out and spend money, and move about freely....People really seem to be trying, but its still hard to not feel so sad, guilty, depressed and mournful. The feelings go on and on and on............

The sad stories just continue to come out day after day. And, its just so hard to handle after awhile. I'm hoping that returning to Milwaukee will be a good fresh start for me. I need a bit of sunshine these days.

Think about it, since January of 2000, I've been unemployed (twice), got sick with no health insurance followed by Major female surgery, survived the dot com implosion and lived through the worlds worst terrorist attack.

That's a HELL of a lot of crap in a mere sixteen month period. My head is near ready to explode....and I'm using all my energy to keep myself together without dwelling too much on how my life sucks right now.

Wow, I've been here five years. I can barely believe that!

I can't tell you how many people have told me they are going to miss my stories when I'm gone. The whole PR department from the Jets e-mailed me their goodbyes...telling me they'll miss my stories most of all. Apparently, the Emergency Landing story circulated through that organization too! I should submit that story to a magazine or something.......

Heading to the airport to wait patiently for Mom. It'll be good to see her. I really need a hug in the worst way! Just sooo many emotions on this end.

See you soon.
Hugs: Ellen

E-mails to my sister (from New York)

January, 2000

Hey Janet -

Thanks for the B-day cards! They brightened up my day!

The day got off to a lousy start. My car got stuck in the snow as I was heading to my doctor appointment. So, I was late getting there and although the procedure wasn't really painful, it was just really uncomfortable. Yea, having a 'probe' injected into my private girly area, is not my idea of a great way to begin your birthday!

Then, when I got back home, I accidentally locked my keys in my car and couldn't get into my apartment. Called the police and while I waited in the freezing cold for them to arrive, I helped the lady across the street get her car un-stuck from the snow. Pushed her out.....and the police finally arrived. They 'jimmied' some metal thing between the window and the frame - and whaddya know - door opened. God bless New Yorks finest!

Got my hair cut, went to a movie, stopped at a local joint for a drink and was home before midnight. Happy FREAKING b-day to me! No one even wished me a Happy Birthday today.

Oh wait - I take that back, the nurse did right before she jammed the long, cold, ugly instrument up inside of me. Nice.

So, believe me when I tell you - your cards were the highpoint of my day!

Hugs: Ellen

February, 2000

Hey Janet -

Had a rough meeting with the Doctors on Thursday. The news isn't as great as we had originally thought. Turns out, I have a fibroid tumor in my uterus the size of a small orange. Apparently, that's not good. :) They've suggested I take the medical approach to trying to shrink this thing. If it shrinks, then...supposedly it's not cancer.

To do that, I would get a shot once a month of a drug call Lupron. The downside of the drug is that it will make me go into a state of peri-menopause. You know, hot flashes, sleeplessness or whatever else goes along with menopause. Oh yea, and possible infertility. (the good news just keeps on coming)

Was great having Mom here. She spoke to the Doctors too, she can fill you in with more details. I've spoken with Mom and Dad about all this, looks like I'll be going on the drug. I couldn't carry a child right now anyway, the Doctor told me there wouldn't be enough room for the baby to grow because the tumor is taking up too much room.

bought a 1/2 gallon of ice cream - ate nearly the whole thing in one sitting - somehow that actually made me feel better.

Hugs: Ellen

December, 2000

Hey Janet -

Don't know if Mom told you, my show is being cancelled!! Good lord that sucks. But, unfortunately, that's the nature of the business. I was supposed to meet with the Program Director tonight to discuss my future, now he's pushed back the meeting until tomorrow night at 6pm. The anxiety of having to wait is a bitch!

Never a dull moment in my life.

Hugs: Ellen

December, 2000

Hey Janet -

I'll be fine. Regarding work - I can always move back to Charlotte. Worse case scenario I move back there and work for the Hornets. Best case - they just re-position me at my current station, and I get into the second year of my contract.

Hey, not so long ago, I was being diagnosed with a tumor. I survived that. I'll get through this.

You have to look at life a little more like that too. Don't sweat the small stuff! It will all work out fine.

Hugs: Ellen

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 22, 2000

Hey Janet -

So I get into work tonight only to find out that the owner of the company has decided that, in lieu of giving us all a Christmas bonus, he's giving the entire company off next week.

Translation - TONIGHT WAS OUR LAST SHOW!!!! So, after midnight tonight, my show will be a distant memory. Bitter sweet, I guess.

Glad to be getting an unexpected paid week off (next week) However, next week was to be our last week on the air. So, this feels like a weird way to go out. I'm trying to remember.....why did I go into this business?????????????????????????????

Hugs: Ellen

May, 2001

Hey Janet -

Oh my gosh!!! Had such an AMAZING day!! The Jets held a media-day mini camp at their work-out facility. We had classroom lessons most of the day, then in the afternoon they took us out on the field and put us through drills!

It was soooooooooooooooooooooo great! I got to catch punts, do some blocking and run some pass routes as a receiver. I even learned to drop- step like a QB!

Girl, you would've loved it too! It was soooooooo freaking funny to see some of the fat, out-of-shape reporters, who sit on their asses and write about the Pros, trying to do the drills! Many of them didn't even finish the mini camp, they went to the sidelines after two drills. But, I hung in to the end.........hell, I barely broke a sweat! :) It was soooooooo much fun.

The people from NFL films interviewed me. I said some fun and crazy things, then had to sign a waiver, so they could use me. Hey, who knows...maybe that will pop up on a feature at some point!

Was a GOOD DAY!

Oh yea, still unemployed.

Hugs: Ellen

Unemployment - First month

August, 2006 -

Although losing your job stinks, in every way possible, I pride myself in trying to find the 'good' in most situations. And, considering I live in frigid Wisconsin, where it's chilly 8 months of the year, losing my job in June wasn't the worst thing.

I have a great condo with a pool, so by mid-June I was already operating with a full-blown-summer-tan. I never looked so healthy! Oh yea, and I was looking for work (on the rainy days).

Actually, my unemployment period began strong, because a recruiter contacted me with a job opportunity within the first week. The opportunity was in the Chicago-land area for a national company. I was excited. Historically, I've been a professional nomad. I'm willing to up-root and move for the right opportunity.

When you're single, you can make these moves hastily. I've always thought that made me more marketable, although....I'm starting to wonder if my zest for chasing career opportunities is a direct correlation to my lack of a healthy relationship with a man.

Oh well, I'm unemployed, I can only focus on one character flaw at a time.....

So, I began the interview process with the national company. First, a phone interview with the recruiter. Followed by an extensive writing assignment and a face-to-face interview with the perspective new boss. It was during this first meeting that the harsh reality of the cruelness-of-the-employed hit me in the face.

The employed people, who stand in judgment of you, seem to have such an arrogant air, don't they? Ever notice? They strut into the meeting all self-righteous and EMPLOYED. And, even though I've often held the same titles as those who stand between me and my next career opportunity, I have to take their pompous abuse while bending over and saying, "Thank you, may I have another?" It's maddening.

So, it's month one and I'm in a face-to-face interview with the Chicago area possibility. The potential boss glides into the room, all glossy and confident. I stood to shake her hand, and no sooner had my rear-end touched the chair as I sat back down, before she blurted, "You know, if it wasn't for the recruiter being so impressed with you, I would never have agreed to meet with you. You've had several different jobs in a short amount of time, what's up with that?"

Wow, stinging words from a woman I could easily 'take' in a back-alley cat fight. I took a deep breath before uttering, "Would you like me to explain my resume and the recent career change I just went through?"

"Sure" she responded. Well, by the end of that meeting, she was dripping all over me and telling me how much she liked me and how much energy I could bring to their organization. Thank goodness I have extensive media experience. I've interviewed professional athletes from the NBA to the NFL and beyond. I'm not impressed by celebrity and I can certainly smell a line of crap when it's thrown my direction.

But, being unemployed, much like being single, makes you overlook the obvious flaws in the potential 'partner'. Be it a business partner or a love-interest.....when you're LOOKING too hard for the right connection, it always seems to elude you. So, you end up 'settling' for Mr. Right -Now, instead of Mr. Right.

I knew there were obvious flaws with this potential new company, but the need to pay my mortgage gave me incentive to carry on with the conversations. And, there were many. I had several more phone interviews with the recruiter, a two hour psychological exam and another writing assignment that took nearly six hours to complete. Nearly two months passed, and by the end of July I was invited to their offices to "meet -the -team".

I was so full of myself as I made the 53 mile drive to their location that morning. I thought I had the world in my back-pocket. I'd survived my latest unemployment stint, had a great tan and was refreshed and relaxed.

To this day, I'm still not exactly sure where it all went wrong. Suffice it to say, I could feel the momentum had shifted when I still hadn't received the 'offer' phone call nearly one week after my 'meet-the-team' visit.

And, sure enough, the recruiter called and delivered the punch-in-the-gut news. The Chicago company was going to go in "another direction".

"yea, straight to Hell" (was the voice in my head). I swallowed my pride, as I cheerfully thanked the recruiter for the opportunity, and she wished me luck as we hung up the phone.

That was the first month of unemployment.

Emergency Landing

Thursday, April 19, 2001
New York, NY

Greetings to All –
Just thought you may want to know what’s been going on with me lately. You’ll want to file this story in the ‘another-day-in-the-life-of-Ellen’ category. Sit back and enjoy the ride.

As some of you already know, I had to take an unexpected trip home to Milwaukee. My dad had quintuple heart bypass surgery on April 2nd. My four older siblings were all in Milwaukee with my mom. I flew into Chicago then drove to Milwaukee on April 7th.

The trip home was slightly eventful because my direct flight from LaGuardia to Chicago got re-routed to Newark, which is a story in itself. When we landed in Newark, we were told we’d have an hour delay. I tried to get off the plane to make a phone call, however I couldn’t find my boarding pass. So, I told the ticket dude. He looked up my name then told me that I was never checked into the flight to begin with. They had no record of me! Well, that mess got resolved with me getting upgraded to first class!

Got to Chicago, drove to Milwaukee and went straight to the hospital to see my dad. That was a heart-wrenching experience. I got there when visiting hours were nearly over so, I had to tip toe through the hallways as I tried to find his room. I get to his floor and as I rounded the corner, I saw my dad walking slowly down the carpeted hallway. His back was to me, yet I could see he was wearing his comfy bathrobe from home.

I quickly realized he was taking his doctor appointed evening stroll in an effort to prevent blood clots. I stood in silence as he moved gingerly. Then, as if he sensed my presence, he turned around and our eyes locked. A large smile engulfed his lips as he realized it was me. My heart actually skipped a beat as I memorized that look on my aging fathers face. He looked small and fragile, yet his loving smile could’ve lit up an entire city block.

I’m happy to report that Dad came home the following Monday. I stayed in Milwaukee for about 12 days and helped him and my mom in his transition home. When I left yesterday, Dad was looking good and slowly feeling better.

So, yesterday I wake up early because I had a dentist appointment. I thought as long as I was home, I’d visit our family dentist for a check-up. Well, by 9:30 am he was reporting that I needed an emergency ROOT CANAL. Little did I know that was only the beginning of the emergencies I’d experience in one day.

Later that day, my sister drove me to O’Hare airport for my 7pm scheduled flight. We got there early, so I tried to get on the 6pm flight, but had no luck. Then, when it’s time to check in for the 7pm flight, I’m told it’s been cancelled! Now, my last chance out of Chicago is the 8:45pm plane. Needless to say, everyone who got bumped from the 7pm flight was going to be clamoring to get on the 8:45 which was bad for me because I was flying stand-by.

I literally was the LAST PERSON to board the plane before they closed the doors. I sit down and of course, I’m in the middle seat of a row of three. In addition, I hadn’t had a chance to fill the vicadin prescription, so I was swollen and throbbing. However, amazingly I was able to fall asleep pretty quick.

I slept nearly the whole trip until we got about 20 minutes outside of LaGuardia and the pilot came on the overhead speakers and announced: “This is not a drill. This is a command! Get in your seats now and assume the emergency landing position. An anonymous call has come into this plane telling us there is a bomb on board this flight. We will be making an emergency landing and the FBI and the New York police will be on hand to assist in the evacuation. Stand by for further instructions”

Even though I was groggy from sleep, I quickly realized I wasn’t dreaming as the folks all around me were grabbing their ankles and ducking their heads between their legs. This was actually for real! At this point, the root canal was already a distant memory.

We made the landing. The airport was a scene straight out of every action movie. Hundreds of police cars, fire trucks, ambulances, flashing lights, men in riot gear, the K-9 dog team…..it was the most surreal thing I’d ever witnessed.

We evacuated the plane through the rear exit after the giant yellow slide malfunctioned. (Apparently, NOTHING was going to go right for me on this day) Then, we were hustled over to waiting busses from Port Authority where we sat for nearly three hours. Finally, we were let off the bus and allowed back on the plane to gather up our carry-on luggage that we’d left behind. I won’t even get into the story about the guy on my bus that wouldn’t stop bitching about how he had to go to the bathroom!

Of course the car service I’d lined up to take me home to Long Island was long gone by the time I got into the terminal at 3am. I hailed a cab and that moron was going to charge me $100 to take me less than 20 miles home. When I nearly collapsed in front of him after hearing his price he asked me; “How much money do you have?”

Maybe it was that my teeth were throbbing and my heart was still pounding from the near death airline experience, but whatever it was, I pulled a novice tourist-like move when I told him exactly how much money I had. “I’ve got 71 bucks”

“I’ll take it” he responded. Ah, gotta love free enterprise. This guy had no problem taking every last cent from a single girl in the middle of the night after she survived a bomb threat. Wow.

Oh yea, did I mention that I had to be back on the road by 7am because I had a speaking engagement in New Jersey this morning? I got home to Long Island at 4am, stayed up, showered and hit the road to Jersey. I wasn’t even late for my appointment!

FYI – I’m still UNEMPLOYED too, ever since I lost my job the week of Christmas.
Lovely.

September 11th - Two years later

September 11, 2003

Two years ago today, at this very moment, I was standing outside my apartment on Long Island in New York and seeing the billowing ball of white smoke that was feverishly taking over the crystal blue skyline of Manhattan.

I'd been awoken that morning by a phone call from my mother. From her kitchen in Wisconsin, she was actually the first to alert me of the drama that was playing out a mere 20 miles from my apartment. After speaking with her and realizing the enormity of what I was experiencing, hundreds of things were absorbed into my brain in a split second.

Was I going to be okay? Were my friends and family around the country going to be okay? What was REALLY happening? On and on and on and on.....I remember calling friends and family in an effort to do a check-list of all the folks I knew who could potentially be affected by the Attacks.

I remember speaking with my friend Sonya who was working for American Express. Their headquarters were at Ground Zero; however she was working from home that day. I remember speaking with her husband Chun, who worked on the trading floor. He described the dreadful scene of how he witnessed bodies falling from the sky.

I remember holding the hand of my friend Katie who had been trapped on the 23rd floor of the Chase Manhattan building. She told me about how she'd been paralyzed with fear, during the evacuation, at the thought of never seeing her two children again.

I remember being with Holly, in the kitchen of her Long Island home, as her rookie-cop husband returned from having spent nearly 72 hours straight in the recovery effort. He was physically and mentally worn out as he spoke of the smells, the sights and the sounds.......

I remember going into Manhattan exactly one week after the attacks and seeing first-hand the devastation and the horror that was still so fresh. I personally saw young and exhausted fire fighters and police personnel who were sleeping in cars, trying to get some more energy to continue the search.

On that one-week anniversary, I remember walking down the street of lower Manhattan and being able to clearly hear the conversation of the couple walking on the other side of the street, because it was still so deathly quiet.

I remember hearing the travel stories from my friend Pete who had been in Europe on business and whose plane had been diverted to Nova Scotia where he spent four days in a gymnasium until they were given clearance to return to New York.

I remember speaking to Cathy who was trapped in an airport in California, not knowing if that city would also be a target.

I remember September 11th, 2001 like it was yesterday.

However, since the attacks; Chun and Sonya have given birth to their first child. Katie purchased a new home for her and the children. Andrew, the rookie cop, is now a seasoned veteran and Pete has a new job in Boston. Cathy has done several Ironman races and nearly all my friends in Charlotte have had babies!

And me?

I've moved back to Wisconsin, bought a home, changed careers, done a 1/2 Ironman and been surrounded by the comforting love of my family.

Life does go on..............

However, I still remember.

Peace and Love to all!

Personal & Professional Break-ups

July, 2006
Milwaukee, WI

Recently my employer informed me that my services were “no longer needed”. Unfortunately, this news was delivered to me while I was four weeks into a six week medical leave of absence. My lawyer sheepishly explained that I lived in an “employment- at- will state” which meant I had no legal recourse for the ill-timed termination.

It was with this painful discovery that I realized I had crossed over into familiar territory. I became excruciatingly aware that I had entered into a stage of life where my professional relationships were now ending as inadequately as my personal ones.

Not only had I spent much of my dating career getting attached to commitment-phobic men, now my professional relationships were exhibiting eerily similar characteristics and the break-ups were near mirror images of one another.

The company let me go in such an unexpected way – I never saw it coming; much like a dear friend of mine who was blind-sided by her husband of 20 years. She came home from work one day; his bags were already packed and informed her that he was “done”. He exited their lovely home and her marriage was over before she even had a chance to take off her coat.

My boss called and asked me to meet him at a local restaurant at 2:00 pm on a Friday. The doctor had just given me clearance to drive and my superior was standing on the curb outside the establishment as I gingerly exited my automobile. I was still in the recovery phase and it was obvious to anyone paying attention.

Once the waitress seated us and took our beverage order, my boss spent approximately five minutes giving me some innocuous work-related details about something that had happened earlier in the day. It was merely idle chatter, before I could comment; he was proclaiming “It isn’t necessary for you to return to work”.

Instinctively my hand went to the aching area of my stomach in a silent gesture to protect the five inch scar that was still healing. I felt like I’d just been kicked right in that tender gut. He proceeded to babble words that bounced off me as quickly as he was blurting them. “There’s never a good time to deliver this news” followed by “we’re eliminating your position.” It was at this point his words turned into white noise. I could see his lips moving but I wasn’t hearing a single syllable.

Reflecting back on it, the whole experience seemed reminiscent of break-ups that happen between couples all over the world. The general concept is understood; take him/her to a public place so they can’t create a scene. Had my boss stolen that page directly from the breaking-up-is-hard-to-do guide? Was this a chapter in the employee handbook that I’d missed? He was terminating my employment across a cocktail table during Happy Hour, are you kidding me?


Furthermore, my boss asked for my permission to call me in the future. In his words, “if I come across any projects you’ve begun that I have questions about, can I call you so you can guide me through it?” My mind was racing as I contemplated this suggestion. He was breaking up with me, yet he still wanted permission to contact me whenever he got the urge. Doesn’t that seem closely related to the “can we still be friends?” line that gets tossed out during a break-up? It was hauntingly similar to the ever-so-lovely booty-call at 3:00 am from an ex. I was sitting across from my now former boss, and he was publicly asking me for a business booty-call. I was speechless.

As I drove away from the restaurant that will forever represent the place where I got dumped, I reflected back on the beginning stages of this professional relationship. I remembered how they had wooed me, made promises and offers. They wanted to steal me and my heart from my employer at that time. The cat and mouse game went on for nearly two months. They were shiny and new and made the relationship sound so exciting. I gave in. I broke up with my employer and went strait into the waiting arms of the newer and improved professional relationship.

And, like most new unions, I found myself spending endless hours with this latest relationship. The 10 hour days quickly morphed into 12 followed by many 15 hour days. Soon it became painfully obvious to me that my shiny new company was not grateful or appreciative of all the time and attention I was giving it. Like most interpersonal relationships I’d had before – once the honeymoon phase was over, we quickly moved into the taking-each-other-for-granted stage.

Then, we hit the rocky part. I found out I needed major surgery and the doctor was insistent that we move rather quickly in an effort to protect me and my future health. When I delivered this news to the already ungrateful employer, I immediately felt their disdain of the six week recovery absence I was going to need. I heard phrases like “Is it possible you’ll be back sooner”? Or, my favorite, “Give me an exact date of your return so we can schedule that meeting with Mr. Smith”.

I was embarking on a life-altering experience and just when I needed my relationship to support me, I couldn’t have felt more alienated. Historically, I had missed many opportunities to break-up with men when they became physically and emotionally absent. Just when I needed them most, they would disappear. That scenario was not new to me. As a result, when this professional relationship exhibited the same absent and impersonal characteristics, it set off some red-flag alerts. However, based on the circumstances of the pending surgery, I wasn’t able to break up with them. I had to persevere.

All the interpersonal break-ups that came before this professional one were typically for the best. Regardless of who initiated the split, it was obvious that I was better off without the emotionally unavailable man. Periodically, I bump into those former boyfriends and their lives have barely changed. They are still selfish and emotionally unavailable only now they have a new woman to dump on.

It took me exactly 48 hours to grieve this professional break-up. I gave myself the weekend to recover from the stinging blow of feeling un-wanted and un-loved by the company I’d given my heart to. By Monday, I felt like a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I was ready to tackle all the professional opportunities that lie ahead.

Now that I’ve identified the similarities between my personal and professional relationships, I feel hopeful and optimistic that my next career will be my dream job followed by a boyfriend that is the answer to my prayers. What are the chances?

Well, I’m feeling lucky – that’s for sure!